I had my eyes tested last September and had to have old lady varifocals. The optician said she wasn’t happy with some kind of shadow on my optic nerve and she wanted it checked out at Bradford Royal Infirmary. She said she’d send me a referral letter and I was to wait for an appointment letter.
Fast forward to January and I’d heard nothing, so I contacted the optician again. She said I was the fourth patient she’d referred who was yet to hear anything from BRI so she was going in personally to have a stern word. (A woman after my own heart).
Cue last week and a message left for me asking to call BRI for an appointment. which I did on Monday morning. What a carry on that was!
Did I know which eye it was? No. Did I know what the problem was? No – something about a shadow. Did I have a copy of the optician’s letter? No – it was sent direct to BRI so they should have a copy. I was then, somewhat disturbingly, told “Well that was last year now love, we won’t have it anywhere now”. When I said that it was only September and had not yet been actioned so surely it would be on file somewhere. No – apparently not!
Eventually I got an appointment for this morning so I asked for some kind of email or text confirmation so I could book leave of absence from work. Nope. Apparently they don’t so that either. FFS!
Anyway, I was approved for the leave of absence regardless of having no paperwork to prove it. At home, I made the mistake of googling the symptoms and was then convinced I had the makings of a brain tumour and was almost certainly going blind. I looked on ebay for eye-patches and wondered if I’d need some kind of magical 360 number on a strap like Mad Eye Moody in Harry Potter. I polled the staffroom asking if people would rather go blind or deaf? I opted for blind, as I’d at least still be able to listen to music and you wouldn’t know if you looked like shit or not.
So off I set this morning.
After going through the usual round of “What’s the smallest line you can read?” etc I had to have a shedload of drops in my eyes then go and sit in the waiting room for half an hour where I was unable to continue reading my book and struggled hard to focus on Homes under the Hammer.
These drops might dilate your pupils a bit he said.
Hello! The early 90’s called. Your pals Billy and Gary are already on it and they insist you bring Vicks and a whistle!
Delighted as I was to hear that there was no shadow on my optic nerve and at worst I had one eye gozzier than the other (already knew that), I found myself blinded when I stepped outside.
I got back to work after squinting my way across Bradford and fortunately wasn’t teaching this afternoon, but working with small groups doing maths boosters. A friend lent me her sunglasses she had in the car and I spent the afternoon rocking the Roy Orbison look. Strangely the children appeared not to register the shades because I’d blown their minds by having my hair loose for the first time since September. This seemed to detract from the Stevie Wonders and it was 10 minutes before any of them noticed I had them on!
I wonder what extreme way I can get out of work for half a day next time? There’s a mole on my boob that looks like a cock and balls that could probably do with a closer inspection. (And no, I won’t be posting any pictures of that!)
Look after yourselves y’all!
Ciao Ciao Xx