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4 go mad in Whitby

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Home of goth weekenders, Dracula, 199 steps, jet & fossils aplenty; mummified hands, Dr George Merryweather’s Tempest Prognosticator; and now, the finest pie & mash shop ever!   Humble Pie & Mash – Whitby

             Go there.

                                   Buy pie.

                                                           Eat pie.

                                                                                  Love pie!


Tell them I sent you and then I might get a free pie next time I go.

 This weekend could best be summed up with one of my favourite Italian phrases:-Dolce faniente: – The sweetness of doing nothing.                                      

The sweetness of suiting myself and sleeping in and dozing off and drinking in the afternoon and not having to accommodate childerbeast or spouse.  Dolce indeed!  Also, muchas laughter and raucous uncouth unladylike rugby player like behaviour.  Sorry kids!

Keeping the Italian theme,  the weekend was also very nearly the site of a drunken re-enactment of the Mini chase scene from the ‘Italian Job’ but on mobility scooters, in a Goldie Looking Chain style.

4 women. One scooter – It was never going to work, so that idea has been backburnered for next time.

(Note to self: Have DTR pimp me up a mobility scooter with Formula One capacity engine for my 40th birthday).

Choice soundbites of the weekend would have to be:-

“I like her, she’s very articulate….Can’t understand a word she’s saying though”

“Time can be very perceptive”

“Text him & say his cock is trending right now on Twitter, hashtag philscock”

“I was brought up by pigeons”

“I liked that other good chef…. Clement Freud”

“You could just plug him in a spin him round like a propeller”


(With much rattling of doorknob) “Where the hell is Claire and why are all the lights off and the door locked?” To which the answer from the foot of the steps was a resounding:  “Next house along fool!”

“We’ll wake up and not have brunch, we’ll have that other thing… lune”

‘Lune’ is now the new word for any meal taken after it’s too late for brunch or lunch and too early for dinnerFact!

Much alcohol was consumed, not much sleep was had (Cheers pal!) and headaches were formed.  The much underrated hangover cure combination of a can of coke, a 15 minute power nap and the healing power of ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ (“Strange things are afoot at the Circle K“) soon had me vertical again and ready to launch a fresh assault on the town. 

With the help of freshly made donuts, coffee and cake I was ready to begin drinking again by early afternoon.  Good Times! 

Not so much loving the dude dressed as a picture frame with the Mona Lisa’s face though.  Cue another soundbite:

“Only in Whitby could you be chased down the street by a red velvet curtain!” 

He was just plain creepy.  I was afeared of it, hence no pictures.

Wondered why I have a tender shoulder and then vaguely remembered playing a game of Mini Punch with  some force, as we made our way home past a car park containing several Minis.  Ouch! 

Didn’t get quite lashed enough to carry out my plan of liberating the stuffed alligator wearing a waistcoat from Pannett Park Museum.   Probably just as well.    It never would have fit in the basket of the mobility scooter…


About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

One response »

  1. You forgot my other gaffs
    . juniper gin .. sloe gin,


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