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Not quite Harvey Nicks

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Introduced my friend to the B&M Store this afternoon in a quest for cheap Christmas decorations and items for the Christmas play.

For the uninitiated, B&M (Bollocks & More? Bums & Morons?) is one of those stores which sells a little bit of everything, and none of it high quality. 

 It’s a little bit like going to the circus and an Eastern Bloc street market all under one roof.  For all your bogus brand name requirements.   Can’t afford ‘Sanctuary’ body lotion this month?  Try ‘Wanktuary’ (I just made that up of course but you get the idea).

They are one of the few remaining stores in the entire Universe who do not use the EFTPOS or Chip n Pin system.  They probably even take Solo cards (who the hell has a Solo card?  No-one, that’s who!)

” What’s that? you want me to ‘sign’ for my purchases?” 

Fuck it lets just go full on old school and slap my card into one of those imprinting dealies with 3 different copies of my receipt.

 

If I could turn back time

 

I tell you what I haven’t made up.  I only wish I had taken a photo of it.

I may well have purchased 2 cans of generic macaroni cheese (it’s cheap macaroni & cheese sauce in a tin exactly like any other branded cheap macaroni in cheese sauce in a tin FFS!)   But even thrifty old I, was not tempted to buy any……..

                                              wait for it……………………………..’

                                  ………………………………………………..it’s worth it,

…………………………….here we go…………………

…………. is your breath bated in anticipation?

………………………………………………………….

……………………………………..

…………….   Jaquila’.

Fake tequila?     Are you shitting me?     Christ, even the best quality spirit of the blue agave is no-one’s friend the next day so feck only knows what ‘Jaquila’ will do to your insides.  This is the kind of gutrot pub landlords from Scarborough buy in bulk to get rid of on Boxing Day.   I think I’d rather drink a Swarfega jello shot thanks!

 

With a slice of lime please

 

 

(How many bottles of this shit am I going to end up getting for my birthday now?)  I can see the headline already… 

40Year Old Woman Dies in Generic Tequila Drinking Game Birthday Tragedy

…with a ghastly photo of me on the front page of the Telegraph & Argus.

 

Oh wow!  found a picture on good old Google and check it out – this bottle has been reduced to £2.75!

 

Paint Stripper anyone?

 

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About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

4 responses »

  1. good luck with that. i can’t even get her to buy morrisons own brand……a trip to aldi beckons methinks. belmont biscuits. they’re the future.

    Reply
  2. It is a sad reflection of the area that I live in and indeed my life as a cash strapped ex-husband that I have one of these tat emporiums just a stones throw, (or in golfing parlance – a driver and a 5 iron) from my very front door.

    I’m often see wandering the aisles buying shit I don’t need. In fact the extremely small “bath” towels that my friend and yours uses to dry her mane when she is “chez moi” were purchased from there. About 28p each i think

    Not seen any Jaquila yet but if only they stocked Taurus cider my life would be complete……

    Reply
    • It was a bit of an eye opener for a certain someone I think.
      Next week I might take her to ‘Home Bargains’ and then ‘Farmfoods’ 🙂

      Reply
  3. I just love your blog. It really makes me smile.

    Reply

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