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Breaking Dawn Review (or how to make being a wolf uncool in one scene)

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So. ‘Breaking Dawn Part 1’ AKA Innerspace versus He Man with guest appearance by Optimus Prime.

If you’ve seen it you will know exactly what I mean.

Cheese touch anyone?

Telepathic wolf conversation scene? Christ! I was half expecting one of them to say the line; “By the Power of Greyskull!”

My sister and I turned to each other at almost exactly the same moment and cracked up laughing.

Like a 15 certificate rating version of one of those Space/Snow/Christmas Buddies films with talking Labrador puppies that the childerbeast enjoy so much.

 

I think one of us is in the wrong movie

 

Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed these books, with the same kind of guilty pleasure that made me also enjoy The Da Vinci Code, so I kind of HAD to see the movies too, but there are so many flaws I can’t even begin…

Forget strings of garlic, crucifixes and death by sunlight or turning into bats and all the things we hold so dear about traditional Vampire lore. What I want to know is (a) when Edward suddenly is able to ‘hear’ the foetus inside Bella, why does this baby not correct him in referring to it as a ‘he’. “Hey Dad dude… I’m a girl yeah!” Then (b) At no point in this telepathic communiqué does this child say; Renesmee? Seriously? Are you fucking shitting me? and most importantly of all (c) Snaps to Jacob ripping off his shirt within the first opening 10 seconds of the movie but “Hello? Shirt & Daks ON for the rest of the 2hrs 25 minutes!!   I demand a refund!”  (d)  I wish we’d gone wearing wolf pelts, or at the very least, shirtless.  Just for the comedy value.

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About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

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