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Watch Out! – Secret Santa’s About

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For anyone feeling the pinch financially this festivetide; hark my seasonal tip for the stocking filler that keeps on giving on so many levels…

On a trip to Poundland (or it could have been Poundworld) at the weekend on a quest for elf hats I noticed that they now stock two different sizes of  Vajazzle kit, for (you guessed it…) £1!   Right there on the shelf between the Gaviscon, the 2 for £1 pregnancy tests and the verruca cream.

I’ll type that again in bold caps purely for my own amusement.


Let’s face it – it’s a box of sequins and a tube of eyelash glue; but two different sizes? Really??? WTF??

If that isn’t the best, inappropriate secret santa gift for a work colleague I ever heard of.  It sure kicks chocolate mint cream filled willies into touch.

DIY vajazzle & a bottle of Jaquila – you can’t complain really. 

I looked to see if it was shown as stocked on their online stores but sadly it wasn’t. Pity,  but I was nonetheless most entertained by the helpful way that Poundland list their items and let you know how much they cost, just in case you were confused in any way with the whole concept of the store being named ‘Poundland’.


I just watched a programme about Aborigines in Alice Springs receiving £500 a fortnight in state handouts- £400 of which is not allowed to be spent on grog. That still leaves £100 if my numeracy skills serve me well. £100 a fortnight on booze! I don’t get that much more than £500 a flaming month take home pay FFS! And I can tell you I don’t spend a fifth of it on alcohol, as much as I’m tempted to.

Bloody hell. No wonder they were all wandering round blind drunk till all hours when me and the Bman were there back in ’97. Drunken women who looked 60 but were probably only in their 30’s with babies strapped to their backs, bumming tabs off Bman and trying to get him to take them out clubbing. Education. That’s what they need. Just not taught by me and my esteemed colleagues of course if this afternoon was anything to go by.

Upper KS2 101 – WALT: Fold a piece of A4 paper in half & cut around a simple template.

To use my now famous mantra:- “Seriously people? How hard can it be?”


About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

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