Nothing says Happy New Year like someone elses Chinese lantern sliding down the side of your house – briefly but spectacularly illuminating the entire back window, then merrily drifting atop the shed before floating gently down and landing on your prize (and only) rose bush and setting it alight! There’s nothing I like better than having to stamp out the flames in my favourite Dunlop Green Flash. This didn’t work too well, as I do suffer a little from pyrophobia and I feared for the hems of my new jeans. A quick sprint back into the house for a pint of water did the trick. Thankfully, because of all the rain, the garden wasn’t tinder dry and didn’t go up like an Australian bushfire. Ditto the neighbour’s tree when another lantern landed in it about an hour later
Note to the natives: If it’s blowing a gale outside, keep your cheap Poundland lanterns to yourself and save them for a less breezy evening!
Good news though… On New Year’s Day we found a jelly bean that looks like a pair of buttocks: