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Valentines Schmalantines

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Le Bman returnez.    Bulgarian booze confiscated at Sofia airport but bag full of crusty washing, sweaty long johns, giant salamis and weird looking sweets for the childerbeast.  It sounded like the kind of holiday experience that could have ended in divorce had we all gone out there as a family.

Too cold by far.  Too much snow and not enough bedding (or even beds for that matter) at Small Man Cabs’ house.

We don’t call him small man for nothing – this is only actually 1ft deep (just kidding Mr Steel)
It took less than 24 hours for Bman to put my kitchen bits and bats back the way they had been before he left – poo-pooing my rearrangements as “shit” and to make with the poor housekeeping gags.  He enjoyed his holiday though despite the cold and said he’d like to go somewhere on his own again.  I’m packing a bag for him as we speak…  Love you, you grumpy auld fart!
Valentines Day eh?  While facebook statuses littered the Ethernet with declarations of love and jpegs of beautifully set dinner tables and bouquets of flowers.  We spent 30 minutes deciding what to order from the Chinese only to realise that it’s closed on Tuesdays. I had Halloumi on toast instead and he had 2 hard boiled eggs that needed eating before they went off.  We then sat and watched fat people in their underwear, crying as they were weighed on National TV while Davina McCall tried to look sympathetic in her size 8 bright red bodycon dress and heels. 
Just to cap off the romantic nature of the evening we watched Big Fat Gypsy Weddings where it was noted that my sister missed a trick last year with bridesmaid dress ideas.
We then went to bed and had a 10 minute discussion as to whether glue was still made from horses.
Who said romance was dead eh?
courtesy of cartoonstock

About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

One response »

  1. rudolf valentino

    To be honest my trip to B&M home stores and Dunelm with my sniffly bird now looks like a scene from Romeo and Juliet by comparison.

    Roses are red
    Violets are red
    Bushes are red
    My gardens on fire.


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