RSS Feed

Maybe I should apply for a job on the Bradford Tourist Board

Posted on

Mixed reviews to yesterday afternoon’s Grand Opening of Bradford’s new City Park Mirror Pool.  AKA  a £billion urinal outside the Town Hall to enable the weekend inebriated to relieve themselves without having to pay to go to the Public Loo or trek up to the Bus Interchange. 

Bradford City Park Grand Opening  – A ludicrously overpriced paddling pool.  Very pretty, don’t get me wrong, I like it, but I’m thinking that if you want to get business booming in the town then maybe some shops that don’t have the words ‘Pound‘, ‘Land’ or ‘Stretcherin the title might be the way forward or not turning one of the nicest restaurants I’ve ever eaten at in the UK into a Nandos!

"Hello is that the Cholera hotline? I'd like to report an epidemic"


I went along for the ride because it was free and the sun was out.  Although I swerved on the opportunity to paddle alongside the great unwashed and share the athletes foot and verrucaes of everyone from Tyersal to Brighouse. 

I did enjoy the aerial ballet heliosphere thing and wished I could have had a go.  My youngest retorted to me when I suggested as much though;But you’d weigh it down too much mum”



It's me.. honest!



Nonetheless there was an impressive turnout of revellers and it was the busiest I have ever seen the town.  Thousands had made the effort and they were queueing round the block to get into KFC and it was  5 in/5 out to get into Lloyds Bar in Centenary Square (where I spent a goodly hour savouring a couple of Pear Kopperbergs until the hunger of my youngest forced me to leave and purchase sustenance for her).  I say sustenance, it was a chicken burger kids meal from the chippy on the corner. 

I had to queue out of the door for that and then got told once I’d ordered that I’d have to wait 5 minutes.

3 minutes later the serving wench with the hair lip asked me (quite brusquely) to wait outside if I wasn’t ordering.  “But I just ordered a kids meal and you told me to wait here!” I protested.   I amused myself for a further 5 minutes watching to see if the fish battering wench was actually going to dip her wrist bandage into the batter mix before Hagar the Horrible’s wife, who was operating the till, asked me if I’d ordered because I seemed to have been waiting a long time.  “Chicken burger kids meal?”  I sighed.   A light then goes on for Hair Lip and my dry as a bone chicken burger is thrust at me in a piece of greaseproof paper.  “Erm where are the chips?” I ask .   “It dunt come wi chips love”    “But I ordered a kids chicken burger meal from the menu – burger/chips/drink = meal” 

We stared one another out for a minute or two in a Mexican stand-off while the Human Fountains (it’s not what you think) did their thing on the main stage.   The Finale was about to kick off and I still had yet to feed my offspring, who was now wasting away on the pavement outside. 

Hair lip caved“I’ll do you some chips for no charge love”     

Yes… you will love… you will.

Kylie gig is it? Nope. it's the opening of a giant urinal in town


About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: