Saw this spoof article on FB, which made me smile. new-festival-aimed-directly-at-twats (it should also possibly read ‘Twats who get shitfaced on Pimms while they leave the 17 year old au pair in the kids zone with the children’)
“It’ll be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man” – bloody brilliant!
But does it sell glittery candyfloss? Is there a mystical Ewok Village that only appears after midnight? Do bearded trustfund crusties drink themselves into oblivion for 72 hours straight then have to call out the AA to get their Audi from out of the mud in the VIP parking region? Does the organiser, Simeon Spunkton Rochester Chomondley Smythe III, not allow the workers to have a water tap because “They can buy their own drinking water at the on-site Eco Supermarket“. Thanks but I don’t need a cocktail butler to serve me as I lounge in a deckchair under a £39 gazebo from B&M’s that I’ve paid £200 a day for the privilege of, while I watch the flipping Grumbleweeds.
I might have fairy lights on the outside of my tent and a menagerie of inflatable birdlife and mirrorballs dangling within, I may have once had a zebra skin rug carpeting my tent (now in a skip somewhere), but paying £5 for a ‘Hand Raised’ pie when there’s perfectly good 3minute noodles to be boiled in a billycan, is a step too far my friend.
I love a good Festie as you well know, but these days they’re letting anyone into a field with their hastily purchased Lichfield pop-up & a Celia Birtwell sleeping bag. I blame Glastonbury for that whole application for tickets malarkey and don’t get me started with on-site Cash Machines and FFS leave the bloody curling tongs at home and just enjoy going a bit feral for a couple of days!