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Sweet Home (tequila slammer please)

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Ahhh!  So glad to be back in own bed and not have to patrol corridors in nightvision mode til way after the time when my old nackered head should have been sparko on my pillow.  Crows feet?  Forget it. Sparrowhawk’s feet more like it?  (Or Kestrel?  ;-p 

Duvet cover ineptitude, faddy eating, shocking table manners and lack of sleep have made me a shadow of my former self.  I’m on a course of wine therapy and hope to be back on track before the end of the Bank Holiday Weekend.

Select quotes from the last fews days include, in no particular order of favouritism:-

“Miss, Do you have a bumcheek chin?”

“Do I need a towel if I’m going for a shower Miss?”

“I wouldn’t dare!”

“What was it Miss? A bouncing on the bed bird was it?”

“What? What? What?”

“Brown crayon… my friend.. is for colouring in brown stuff”

“I have got good table manners.  I take my hat off when I eat at KFC”

“Do I need my shampoo Miss?” / Are you washing your hair?” / “Yes” / “Might be an idea then love?”

“Where you going there love?” / “Nowhere Miss” / Didn’t think so… back into bed now please!”

Then 5 minutes later, a whispered: –

“Haven’t they got owt better to do than stand outside our door?” (2hours after lights-out BTW)

and the frankly laughable:-

“Well you get paid shed loads extra for bringing us on these trips”


My highlights include:- one of the supervising adults (who will remain anonymous) letting rip a stinker of a silent fart in the dining hall and then walking away to stand and watch the inmates gag, pull their shirts over their noses and blame each other for the crime.

Searching in hedgerows for wildlife and the only thing raising any interest was a half decimated roadkill rabbit and  discarded Durex wrapper!  Did love seeing the amazing Red Kites though – they were fabulous!

Also, during the nightline blindfolded trail through the woods, warning them to watch their step over the rickety bridge over the muddy water-filled ditch, which was, in fact, just a plank of wood on the ground.  Fab!

A favourite of mine was scaring the bejesus out of nocturnally wandering inmates who crept from their rooms & stealthily bumped straight into us, stood in the doorway in headtorches and looking mighty stern.  Ditto, standing outside windows when inmates sat on windowledges did not know I was there.

Giant Swings, huge ripslides, obstacle courses, archery.  It was all happening.  Although I was sorry we didn’t get to do the campfire building or mountain biking through the woods (just so I could prove that I CAN ride a bike).  Am still miffed that I didn’t get a go on the archery, thanks to having to leave my group and go assist with an absconder trying to do one through the woods and someone else trying to slug someone else in the face!   :/

Already looking forward to next year…



About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

2 responses »

  1. may have heard one or two tales myself. surely this fart of which you speak was put down to a dead rat in a blocked drain? well that was the way it was told to me anyway…….


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