I’ll count to a hundred and you go hide under your ‘uncle’s’ bed for 2 weeks, while I try and rake in the coin so we can go on a spending spree in Primani. I’ll get you all the leggings you could wish for babe!
I’ll be honest. Any ‘make-up lesson’ I’d had which left me looking like some kind of militant lesbian, with the kind of tango foundation line that wouldn’t look out of place on a 13 year old; I’d be asking to be kept inside at Her Maj’s Pleasure for a bit longer until I’d got it right. Even Gok Wan and Nicky Hambleton-Jones combined would have a job on their hands patching this one up!
Not sure which of these is my favourite line:
“You can’t hide that face with make-up and I wonder how long she’ll be able to keep her ginger roots from coming through.”
“she will never return to Yorkshire, where locals have warned they will “kick her head in”.
I await the re-release of the much sought-after Shannon Matthews Commemorative Plate to coincide with Mum’s release from chokey:-