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Baby, I’m your man!

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I took a photo of myself today on my new witchcraft mobile to use as a profile pic for Instagram.

WTF?

Trust me, I am not fishing for platitudes, but holy moley I looked like bloody shit no matter what angle I took the fucker from!   Crow’s Feet?   It was like Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ out there round the old eye regions (and I had make-up on). 

I thought I looked pretty decent circa 2006 – I seemed to come into my own and embrace my mid to late 30’s.  Now the façade has started to crumble and the plasterboard & MDF is beginning to show through.  I might try some of that Nanoblur cream (or maybe just a pair of 10 denier tights over the lens of my camera)

not the eyes, not the eyes!

Have I always looked like a man & just not been able to admit the truth to myself? 

I’ve sadly lacked in the lovin’ department over the years, not exactly fighting the fellas off with a stick, & most of the decent offers I did get, I knocked back because I’m an asshole (who had, & still has, body inferiority issues).   

My youngest even said last week while I was mooching for clothes in Chester and asked their opinion on a frock.  “Mum, sorry but dresses and you… well they just don’t match”

Think my sister got the looks and I just got the mannish chin and the moles from the paternal side of the Fam.

Unlucky.

I like to think that perhaps I appear better in the flesh, as it were, and just don’t take a pretty picture.   Bman knows the truth.  He’s been describing me to his work colleagues as ‘Benny Hill in a wig’ for years.  To be fair, he’s still around, which speaks volumes, although I’m not sure of what?

Vogue will be calling any time soon (for their drag edition)

I’ve used a picture of one of the childerbeast’s eyes instead & thrown a cloth over the bathroom mirror…

 Xx

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About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

2 responses »

  1. Pingback: ..and sometimes other people write it for me! « Divine Secrets of the Yaarkshire Sisterhood

  2. Amused by this comment left on FB after this post from my friend Phil:- (just to clarify matters, for any readers not on FB – my profile pic at the mo is one of Bruce Forsyth)

    “I’ve checked out your profile pic and I’m not gonna lie you do look a little crusty round the edges and that chin is definitely erring on the side of mannish. Can only assume you let yourself go a bit too much over the summer? Last time I saw you I was firmly in the “worth a batter’ camp but now I can’t get this image of ‘ I’d get nothing for a pair’ out of my head. Which is odd…….” this post has been vetted for excessive perviness by gene btw”

    Reply

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