The DHW’s guide to your UK weekend televisual delectation basically consists of the following:-
If I hadn’t seen enough of Tracy bleedin’ Beaker over the last 8 years on the eternal cycle of children’s telly which invades my living room and bedroom 24/7. She’s now cropped up on my Saturday night schedule on the new series of Strictly! (Brucie still well and truly alive I’m pleased to note).
Today after I had laid in bed, like a bone idle bitch, watching people far more active than I, doing the Great North Run. I scanned the TV menu for something to watch while I waited for the soporific strains of the theme tune to The Big Bang Theory where I could slob out with my favourite geeks; Leonard, Raj, Howard and Sheldon. I stumbled across this ‘gem’. A reason in itself to write a stern and complaining email to the TV licence people.
A Cannon & bloody Ball movie? Holy moley is that the best they can do on a Sunday afternoon?
Then I took my youngest to a classmate’s party up at our local ‘Club’ (Also known in our house as ‘The Swingers & Doggers’ – long story but you get the picture).
My appetite at the buffet was curbed by the 35 stone man infront of me who chose to shovel crisps into his mouth straight from the bowls rather than selecting a few for his plate. I also sent one overweight child (who will remain nameless for legal reasons) to the back of the line when they attempted to queue-jump for seconds at the dessert table. I politely pointed out that the back of the line was 15 people behind me, while in my head I chuntered something along the lines of, “like you need any more cake, you lardarse little doughball”. Perhaps not a very Christian thing to think on a Sunday but, good news folks… I’m no Christian!
We came home with a balloon hat which I couldn’t work out…
In the end I decided it was Mickey Mouse strapped to some kind of device at an S&M Club – naked but clearly happy to be there.
..and on that note… See you next week.