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Neighbourhood Watch

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It’s the Easter half term break.  Thus far I have mostly spent it choosing a new carpet for the stairs, landing & office then painting the skirting boards & cupboard doors.

Bman & I also spent an amused half-hour the other day standing at the window (not even trying to pretend we weren’t ‘peeping’) watching our new neighbours make a dog’s breakfast of filling a skip.
The dirty sods have had a stack of rubbish piled up outside their house for almost a month (since they moved in under cover of darkness.)  We haven’t established yet how many people actually live in the house, but it seems to be at least one guy, a child & 2 women, if not more!  Polygamous times in the hood.


Anyway, a  dude from the council called round the other day & took photos of the garbage & tried to knock but nobody answered, even though at least one of the women was definitely in.  He then drove off, but 10 minutes later another dude, who is a cohort of the landlord, arrived in his car and began feverishly raking through the rubbish & filling his boot – but only with specific empty boxes.  It was like something from ‘The Burbs.’   It was most ‘On Top’ (as we used to say back in the day).  I know all of this because I just happened to be planting up my hanging baskets out front when this was going on.  (Convenient, I know).


The next day, the landlord – *Keyser Soze – turned up with his henchmen (*he looks dodgy and has a limp) & the world’s tiniest skip arrived.  The 3 of them then set to work in the feeblest, most ineffectual way possible to load up the skip.  I swear they put about 2 bin bags & a piece of cardboard in then got in the car and drove away, leaving the rest of it still piled up in front of the house! 

Too wee

Too wee

It finally got filled later that evening by the tenants but has been sat in the street for the past 2 days uncollected.




Whilst I realise some people may say it’s unethical of me to post a picture of my neighbour’s house online.  I doubt very much they are going to stumble across this blog on the internet.  God knows it’s not like I have a massive following.
Even if they do and don’t like it then, I say to them, “Empty your god damn bins then you numpties!”   FYI if the binnies put a sticker on your bin letting you know they can’t empty it because of what you have in it – you need to empty the bloody thing otherwise it will stay outside on the street forever, stinking the neighbourhood up & dragging down the already diminishing house prices.  Then I will never be able to move, which makes me your neighbour for the forseeable!  You want that? Do you?  Do you?  Do You?

I’m surrounded by fucktards.  A flicker of intelligent thought among the detritus of a benefit society under the deluded illusion that the world owes them something.



I have also been swimming with the childerbeast this week at the local pool.  I have one word to say to Leeds City Council on that subject and that word would beVim– buy a bottle and get someone to scrub the bottom of the deep end!

Holy shit!  I had to dive down to the bottom to retrieve Child No. 1’s goggles & I’ll be having nightmares about what I saw down there for weeks I tell you!
I’m pretty sure there’s a cure for cancer, the common cold and Aids ingrained in the grouting between the tiles. 

It wasn’t pretty!


Meanwhile, I’m going to see Warwick Davis’s theatre production of ‘See How They Run’ tomorrow in Derby.  Based purely of course on the theatrical merit; my love of a good old British stage farce and not at all for the fact that the entire cast is made up of dwarves/midgets/little people/persons  of a diminutive stature (insert own politically correct description here) or to add to the comedy value that I am going with 2 of the tallest people I know.


To finish I would just like to say how sad I am that Sue Townsend died today.  The Adrian Mole diaries were what encouraged me to keep a diary in my teens – (mercifully, none of which have survived) though I am sure they would make for a highly entertaining read now.  Along with Alan Bennett & Bill Bryson I would say she is right up there, influencing my own writing. 

RIP Sue and thanks for all the laughs.


About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

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