Your may want to just switch off now because I’m going to have a rant.
Am I the only one who wants to shout and swear at those adverts for Cortana on your phone? Fuck off talking phone! I don’t need my damn phone to smugly remind me to buy flowers whenever I see a florists. I don’t want any of my tech to auto correct my words either. Fecking Kindle just changed the word auto correct to autocross and fecking to checking. Does my Kindle not even know me? Obviously I mean fecking and not checking! Feck feck feckity feck!
I like Facebook and Twitter but I don’t want to share every last tiny detail with everyone. Bloody ‘share’ buttons on every website. Do you want to share your most recent supermarket shopping order with Facebook? No. Not really. Why would I?
Also, what happened to Comic Relief just being a one day fundraising thing? Why does it go on so bloody long? Bake Off for Comic Relief. The public do Strictly for Comic Relief. Master bloody Chef for Comic Relief. Take a ruddy shit for Comic Relief – celebrities see who can produce the biggest shit then sell it on eBay to the highest bidder!
Mostly I want parents to take responsibility for their children. For their social failings. For their academic achievement (or lack of). For their behaviour. For their attendance. For their attitude. For the fact that not everything that happens to your child is someone elses fault.
Get them some bloody shoes; the right uniform; take them swimming; read them a book; turn up for parents evening every now & then; get them some glasses….wash them…feed them/stop feeding them for fucks sake! Realise, that we look after your child more than you’ll ever know and we teach them more than you’ll ever appreciate (and in many cases, more than you ever could!)
On my swim course on Monday we had to sit on the bottom of the pool and shout the rudest swears we knew (it’s a breathing control exercise).
I’m amazed I ever surfaced!