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Hopalong times & over-zealous frisking

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I realized today that I haven’t written in a while.

I should have a comedy blog entry here about how pissed I got with my MiL and future sister in law on her hen do in Liverpool.  That’s not going to happen though because I didn’t end up going.

The night before the celebrations we ended up going to Bradford Royal Infirmary A&E department with The Bear.

She climbed a tree to rescue her friend’s shoe, after it was thrown up there by some fucktards from another high school.  (I know who you are!)

As she jumped out, she landed awkwardly and ended up limping home in tears.  It didn’t look obviously damaged so we kept her off school the next day with her foot rested.  That night though, once the MiL arrived and we decided to go to A&E for an Xray just to be sure as she was still complaining a bit about it.

4 hours of our lives later, after being moved from waiting room to waiting room. Repeating myself as form after form was filled in – we got our Xray.  It was inconclusive.
     The doctor (who made Doogie Houser look ancient) went and checked with another doctor.  Still inconclusive.  So they decided to treat it as a fracture to be on the safe side.  This meant a return visit the following day for her to have a pot fitted.  So back we went the next day once the pot clinic (lol) opened at lunchtime.  Cue me, staying behind from the hen party so I could stay with her and keep a close watch on any potential swelling up of toes etc.

 The result was a rather fetching built-up sandal.

This did not go down well with the wearer. 
     We had long and serious and ultimately loud exchange about it not being the end of the world.  People had leg amputated after Smiler accident etc (the very ride we were on only 2 days before it crashed). Also about the holidaymakers shot on a Tunisian beach (one of whom was a workmate of Bman’s).

Perspective my friend.  Perspective.

This weekend was much better.  We went to see Paloma Faith in Delamere Forest on Friday.  More security on way in from the Forestry Commission than at an early 90s rave!  Had my VO5 hair shine spray confiscated and binned and my kids had their miniature body sprays binned!  I questioned the logic.  “Might be used as a weapon”  My kids are 10 and 12 FFS!  What am I going to do?  Squirt Paloma in the face with hairspray in the middle of Only Love Can Hurt Like This?   It’s alright for the woman behind me to take in 14 litres of Pimms & Prosecco as long as it was decanted into empty pop bottles, but I can’t keep my hairspray in my make-up bag!

Bloody joke!

Note to self:  You can pretend to be as sophisticated as you like –  sipping Pimms from a plastic camping goblet & eating raspberries, but if you throw your empty plastic bottle over the fence into the forest rather than walking 5 meters to a bin, then you, my friend,  are a bellend and a shithead!

I do abhor an untidy camper.

Paloma was great though.  Woman got a set of pipes on her for sure.




About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

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