Ever get that debilitating overwhelming sense that you have failed as a mother by becoming a mother in the first place?
That every decision you’ve ever made has been somehow crap, wrong or downright stupid? Do you catch your breath and almost sick up a bit in your mouth because the children you had (for your own selfish reasons) will have to one day leave you and fend for themselves in a world full of crazies, loons, idiots and fucktards – and that’s after you’ve subjected them to a flawed education system and screwed them up on all kinds of levels by exposing them to your own uselessness?
What have I done to my children by having them in the first place?
That nausea you feel on the way to the job that you now feel fraudulent at. People there are under the deluded impression that you know what you’re doing. That you are cleverer than you are. They seek you out for advice you no longer (if you ever were) feel qualified to give.
Have had a most relaxing week off this half term. Been swimming, which always makes me feel better – nothing better than this for me:-
But then I get back topside and start overthinking and I get this:-
Common sense will eventually prevail:-
Today though I just felt like I was not worthy to participate in the real world, and by real world I mean the closeted bubble I float around in. Ended up hiding in the stock cupboard at one point and considering raiding the cache of children’s inhalers. Managed to make it through first day back without freaking out but can’t vouch for being able to keep it together tomorrow when the punters are in!
Until my flipped out mind regains some sensible equilibrium I aim to focus on the fact that we have actually booked a holiday abroad for later in the year, where I hope to look and feel like this:-
But to be honest, will probably be more like this:-
pictures courtesy of google images