Song lyric of the Day: “I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives, for a reason” – For Good – Wicked Cast
Movie Quote of the Day: “Good luck with your slow descent into madness” – Ice Age 3
My plunges into the darkness of the ambush of the black dog, are becoming more frequent these days. They are (mercifully) brief, but fucking horrendous!
It also seems to be taking less to trigger an episode. Or a sudden onslaught of weltschmertz and general disappointment in the human race suddenly weighs me down like a massive debilitating black blanket of gloom. Either that or Bman decides to be a cock – swings and roundabouts, you know.
Of late, Bman has been a cock (he presently isn’t a cock FYI. He is also not here, which makes it a lot easier for him not to be one). Work has also been a massive cock – and not in a good way. I have threatened to light the diary sheet on fire and seriously considered showing my swim students just how long I can sit at the bottom of the deep end before that drown alarm has to be sounded and the DeFib machine comes off the wall. Combine that with massive sadness and worry about the plight of the homeless in the UK. Refugees from war-torn countries. The fact that a lunatic will be in charge of the asylum once he is inaugurated later this week has also caused me a certain amount of concern.
I’ve had a letter advising that actually my moles do need to come off, after closer photographic deliberation by Doctor Moreau at the dermatology clinic on his island of warty weirdos & melanoma-riddled mutants.
Also, for the last 4 nights I have been convinced that I am having a heart attack or suffering from acute angina (it’s not cute – I’ve had 2 children).
My salvation has been something as simple as having the goose down duvet on the bed. Seriously! I love it. It moulds to me like a lover should and I never want to get out of it. Sadly, conformity means I have to get up each week day and participate in real life like the grown-up I’m supposed to be, in order to support my children and to not end up like one of the homeless whose plight keep me awake at night.
Actually my salvation has not just been the duvet.
In spite of myself, I have, over the years, accumulated an awesome (in its true sense of the word) collection of friends. I don’t always see them. Some I want to see every day but geography is against us. Some I will get to see soon, and together we will get fucked up & compare hangovers the next day and hang our heads in shame. Some, I may not see for ages. Some I will see tomorrow at work.
Thanks to Whatsapp, text and Facebook messenger however, they are all with me, all the time – usually in bed, cocooned in the goose down duvet with ‘Midsomer Murders’ or some such on in the background. Snuggled up to me. I may even be naked. (Probably not. Am more of a vest and keks kinda gal at bedtime).
In their own ways, they have saved me lots of times. Some, more than they will ever know. I hope they know how much I appreciate them. They’ve made me who I am (so okay. scratch that. It may not be something to celebrate).
I hope I can return the favour. I hope on occasion I may have helped them or made them laugh. Or said, or done just the right thing at the right time, just as they have done for me. They might not even have realised they made a difference – but they have. They do. Even you Bman.
So when I feel so dark that I don’t want to be around any more because I feel so so down that to me the world would be a better place without me in it – Just be you. Do what you do, you massive bunch of hilarious cunts. You twats. Miserable fuckers just like me. Pisstaking bastards and beautiful people. You’re all mine and we are all under this goose feather duvet watching ‘The Undateables’ or whatever together, whether you like it or not. Thank you for not leaving me when my fucking mental, madder than a box of hair, craziness manifests.
That is all.
PS I am not drunk, or high on meds. Just feeling rather grateful this evening.
PPS Bman is at his mum’s so there’s scads of space under this duvet.
PPPS PILE ON!!!!!!!!