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Moley Russell’s Wart

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Shite start to the week. My head was a shed of noise and unhelpful thoughts.  Pretty much everything was a source of irritation and annoyance.

After reaching a point on Wednesday where I should have been given some kind of community award for not punching anyone, Thursday could not come soon enough.  I wasn’t sure whether going to see T2 Trainspotting with the Bman made me feel any better.  It uplifted me, made me feel old, young & depressed in equal measure – particularly Renton’s revamped ‘Choose Life’ monologue.
 Thursday was my appointment with the minor surgery clinic in Bingley for my moles, because it says something when having a stranger come at your face with a scalpel is a more favourable option than going into work!

I was a little nervous on the way there, but it was all over fairly quickly.  I was most alarmed when the doctor checked his notes and then said he wasn’t sure which mole was meant to come off. Then said he wasn’t convinced either of them needed to come off at all.  I practically begged him to reconsider because I’d built myself up to it now.  He was rather lovely, despite the ridiculous hipster beard, so he said he whip both of them off.  I had a nurse and a trainee doctor in there too gawping at me while he stuck a needle in my face. That was quite uncomfortable, I won’t lie.  He got a scalpel out and while he explained what he was doing to the trainee doctor and I tried to find somewhere to look (I ended up closing my eyes), he sliced ’em both off like he was just cutting a piece of cheese.  Once they were both bagged up and labeled separately to be sent away for testing, he then came at me with a teeny blowtorch and cauterized the holes.  The smell wasn’t great. With the moles having been right under my nostril, I got the full whiff of my barbequed self.

I should hear in a week or so if the little fuckers were benign or not.  Meanwhile I am sporting an attractive scab below my nose, like a crack whore who snorted too much.  

I do what you want for crack man!

Hopefully that won’t last too long.  Needless to say I took today off work too because it was sore and I wasn’t allowed to wash until this afternoon and boy do I feel better, mentally if nothing else, for it!*

Am sure this relaxed mood will wear off at 0645 Monday morning though.

*being off work, not being unwashed!



About TheDHW

Not loathed by totally everyone so that's good right?

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