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Tag Archives: 2017

New Year & the Queen is (not yet) dead

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So we’re a day into 2017 and it seems to be much the same old, same old. Multiple fatalities in shoot-ups and fires abroad. A 12-year-old killed on NYE in a hit & run in Oldham. (Shame on you driver. Turn yourself in and face your responsibilities).  Was fairly quiet round here.  I fell asleep watching a movie in bed with eldest child while Bman (who’d got a flyer from work so was home early) did his DJ bit downstairs.  I woke up after an hour and we all saw in the stroke of midnight together on the couch.   The TV offering was, as per, utter shite.  Robbie Williams and an indecent amount of money spent on fireworks, which could have been spent on the homeless. Or Jools Holland & whoever was still left alive to appear on the show  (I bet he had about 3 back-up lists).

I didn’t stay up much later than that.

I think, this year, I might put 50p in a jar every time I hear Bman talk (or sing) about having a shit! I reckon I could have enough for a holiday by March.  This morning’s rendition was something about “Though I walk through the valley of death, I shall shit no evil”. 

I bet you do though love.

Hell if I saved 50p everytime he took a shit aswell, I could retire by June.  The man needs specialist medical help or an industrial strength colonic or something.

Nurse!  The screens and a large wheelie bin please!

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Weighed myself this morning to see how much timber I’ve put on since we broke up. Only 1kg! So am all good to shovel a few more Quality Street today while we watch a family movie together – namely ‘Suicide Squad’. (Gone are the days of the likes of ‘Elmo saves Christmas’ or ‘Ice Age’).

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 *Festive family viewing

 

Have managed to arrange half a Crap Posse visit in February up to Farndale (with emergency liver transplant required for the next week no doubt).  

 Trying to sort Brighton but may need to just invite self, as cunty friend is unsociable and reclusive (or possibly is just avoiding me because I am annoying).
  Also n
eed a Scarborough visit too.  Sea air and appeasing the MiL & all that, although am sure that a fortnight with her in Florida in April should top up her piggy bank of grandchild time for the entire year!  

Have floated suggestion to Bman of implementing some kind of Date Night. He looked alarmed & lacking in enthusiasm but I’m working on it.  Am also working on tuning out the white noise of negativity & criticism this year. “La La La **fingers in ears** I cannot hear you. Your words will not dull my sparkle in 2017″.

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Got an appointment with dermatologist soon to have some moles checked out. Sure it will be fine but heads up that if it turns out to be terminal, shit’s gonna get real in 2017 because I won’t go quietly. I may take some of you down with me.  I’ll keep you informed y’all.

Ciao Tutti! Xx

*I quite enjoyed it actually

High 5 yourself if you’re still alive after 2016

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So it’s the final day of the year 2016 and time for my annual review.

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Essentially, in the words often used in our house, when we were kids, when providing a synopsis of a film plot – “Everybody died”.  The day is still young so there is still time for Death to pull more names from his hat of finality.  This year has seen him taking rather too many for my liking.  For now though at least, I am still here and so are my nearest and dearest, which is what matters.

Despite the celebrity death toll, 2016 hasn’t been completely unfortunate for me.  I  have survived a cull of a different kind at work (for now at least), which saw other friends sadly fall by the wayside. My role has changed. It’s busier and often more stressful but do you know what? I still have a job and in these harsh times, I am grateful for that.

We have a new Prime Minister. Brexit happened – sort of – not yet – who knows when that shit will get sorted out!  There’s a new & controversial President of the USA. We lost British Homes Stores and it looks as though we lost Bea Smith on Wentworth too.

😦

Socially I have reconnected with old friends not seen for many years, and that has been a highlight for me and reassuring to know that after all these years, they are still cheeky, lovable cunts. I may not have a massive circle of friends and I may not go out all that often, but I love the friends I do have.  I have even been asked to perform 2 marriage ceremonies for 2 different friends in 2017!

:-D

I have spent quality time with my girlies. My youngest is now in High School.  We’ve done a festival with my sibs.  I finally visited Brighton after threatening it for years. Had a great family holiday to Tenerife.  I have a new niece in Liverpool.  Bman and I have managed another year of not killing one another. We have a new kitchen (and another cat to shit in it). 

What’s next for 2017?  

     Investigating a haunted house next week.  Hooking up with old friends again in Bishop’s Stortford in March. A family holiday to Florida in April. A mum & girlies week in Tenerife at the end of July.  A return to Shambala festival in August and two weddings to officiate.  Also hoping to do Brighton Pt2 – The Return of the killer hangover, and get to see the lovely ‘Crap Possee Official’ at some stage, because it’s been far too long.  Looking forward to a Cards Against Humanity rematch including Bman, my brother & his girlfriend.  If only to see if we can possibly top my bro-in-law whispering the words, “erm, it’s dick cheese Paul” to my dad.

Priceless.

What could go wrong?

So, to summarize, in traditional picture form:-

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ds

ten

sunbathing

Essentially how I have felt all year!

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Baby Alan Lickman

 

 

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Big fat Alan Lickman – in festive attire

 

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Remember to trust your cunt in 2017!

 

 

Stay alive y’all. Be happy. Don’t take any shit. Brush your teeth. Try not to be too much of an asshole and remember that a little bit of what you fancy does you good.

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