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Keep calm and wear a hat (but not you… you look like a ****!)

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Went to dippy Derby on Saturday to see The Reduced Height Theatre Company perform see-how-they-run.

Very entertaining indeed, particularly as one of the leading ladies looked uncannily like someone I know (but much smaller of course.) 

Well worth a look, if only for the amusement of seeing Warwick Davis run around the stage in his undies and marvel at how much his hands look like shovels!
He also said something funny about being short in a Yoda voice at the end.  #moneysworth

If you do go and find that the audience contains several persons of diminutive stature and you time your entrance down the stairs with them just right – this also apparently couldn’t be more hilarious unless a Snow White costume was involved!

#youhadtobethere  #gulliver  # lilliputland

Meanwhile, topic of conversation on the way home pretty much decreed that the breakdown in civilised society, decorum and personal pride in oneself and one’s country all fell apart the moment men stopped wearing hats and ladies folded away their seamed stockings.

True enough!

As I am sure you will have gleaned, I am a huge fan of the 1950’s pin up ‘cheesecake’ art and would love to dress as such on a regular basis (though not perhaps in the style of an Art Frahm painting with my duds around my ankles). 


However in the times we live now, where it has become the norm to do the weekly shop in a onesie and the idea of formal attire includes not having ones trackydaks tucked into ones socks; the full petticoated lindybob style dress and heels seems rather overdressed and borders on the fancy dress.

What a shame.

I appreciate we have come a long way as far as advertising goes (if these choice retro ads are anything to go by…)


coffee ad



… but you have to admit that we’d surely all look happier and the country would look rosier and probably the economy would recover because of all the happiness and rosiness, if we all dressed like this…


On our way to a friend’s for afternoon Cinzanos


Just popping up to Morridogs

Just popping up to Morridogs


The Brewers having a jolly old time at the park

OK so it’s Ewan MacGregor in a photo shoot but you get the picture.
Hell, I’d be happier if I was in the park with Ewan McGregor right now (Bman has just had his wisdom teeth taken out and is the proverbial bear with a literal sore head today!)

"Hello, Is that the Emergency Style Helpline?  I'd like to place an order please"

“Hello, Is that the Emergency Style Helpline? I’d like to place an order please”





Mardy Monday

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Attempted to update my FarceBook status at lunchtime to:-

  “Why is everything rubbish?  :-(“

The irony of the 4 successive alerts I got at each attempt, advising that; “Facebook was unable to update my status at this time due to technical difficulties” was not lost on me!

Going to bed.  The world is a happier place all round when I am asleep.  #miseryguts


Did go bowling & to cinema yesterday though… which was nice


1 art frahm

Can everyone please stop talking & shut the hell up please

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Bit parky out!

Bit parky out!

I won’t lie to you.  It’s cold out!


Scored an extra day of the weekend thanks to 5ft snowdrifts blocking the fire exits at school meaning it was closed today!



Rather than volunteering to help to shovel the snow away, I chose to shovel money into the profits at WM Morrison with Husband and Childerbeast in tow, having first had a brief flirt round B&M.  Saw this quality item of naffness on the shelves & cringed to myself, thinking “what kind of person buys this shit?”



Imagine then, my face when Bman rocked up at the till with it in his sticky mitts, looking pleased with himself!



It is now in pride of place atop the spare coat wardrobe in the office… well out of my line of vision.

I spent 10 minutes looking at hair colourants in Morries; eventually chose one and then abandoned it at the till.  41 years old and I’ve finally realised that there’s little point altering the colour of my crappy barnet a shade or two. I’m still me at the end of the day.  Still got moles, lumps, rosacea of the cheeks and a propensity toward the morose about the personality.  I’ve not bought a killer heel in years (nowhere to wear them) and have even caught myself looking at novelty onesies, thinking “Hmmm, but they do look so warm” 

Time to forget trying to be someone I’m not & just accept myself for what I amI am not a 1950’s pin up artist’s muse.  I’m a frazzled, lazyass hausfrau & wannabe Miss Jean Brodie who’s happier in her PJ’s, watching TV & supping tea, than strutting about round town.

… and you know what?

… I’m okay with that!


(BTW I was rocking the onesie as loungewear way back in ’92 –  20 years ago dahhhling).




Keep watching the Skies (& not a clementine to be seen)

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WARNING:  Bake Off Spoiler Alert!

Well I’ve had my Tuesday evening fix of Mr Hollywood and Ms Berry and not a soggy bottom to be seen.

Brendan the Buddhist can get back to 1976 and take his clementines with him because it was all about John the law student in the end.   Get in!

I might apply for next year     **pauses for raucous laughter to subside**

More of a crust than a sog to these buns!

My popping candy buns are legend & I can rustle up a crackin’ rocky road but I doubt that they’d float old Mary’s boat.  Technical challenge?  According to the Bman I can’t even boil an egg, wash up or ride a bike!  But to that end I say, “why have a dog then bark yourself?”  (Not quite sure where the bike riding comes into that but you catch my drift).


Last night I was about to go off to sleep when I caught sight of a show called ‘Conspiracy Road Trip – UFO’s’ – so had to watch it. 

I saw this last week when the comedian, Andrew Maxwell, took a motor home full of devout Christians on a road trip through the USA trying to debunk their heartfelt belief in the bible stories.  It was a little like watching fish getting shot in a barrel.  The part about dinosaurs being created on the 6th day and roaming the earth with humans was a highlight.  As was the part where the story of Noah and his Ark and how big it would actually have to have been.    It was like Christmas Day at my in-laws, where in the spirit of the festive season I like to bring up such topics at the dinner table as a conversational opening gambit.  My MiL loves all that light-hearted theological stuff.   Bless her.  I don’t know how she stands me to be honest.

Anyhoo, I’m going off-piste conversation-wise again.  Last night we had a bus load of people who all believe in aliens in some way shape or form.  I have nothing against that.  I personally think that if Earth is in fact the only planet with so-called intelligent life, then as a Universe, we are fucked! 

There must be some higher intelligence somewhere, watching through a mahoosive microscope saying;  “Really?  This experiment is out of hand now.  We need to put these miserable creatures out of their misery before it’s too late.  Sheila!  get me the bug spray & a bin liner!”

There was a man from Swindon who showed us how his wife helped him fashion protective headgear from Bacofoil, which he wore under his beanie hat to stop the aliens tapping into his brain when they invaded.  When.  Not if.

I may make light of always having a couple of litres of spare spring water in the shed and some cans of tinned peaches in the cupboard in case of a nuclear winter but this dude had emergency supply boxes under his bed.  Cans of salmon, tuna, loo roll and other non-perishables neatly stored and labelled. He had an axe to help fend of attacking ‘greys’ and to chop down trees for firewood for when (not if)  he and his family had to escape to the forests…..of Swindon.

He took to the gun ranges of Las Vegas with a tad too much vim and vigour for my tastes!  Praise be to the the tighter UK gun laws is all I can say, or this guy would be blasting anyone who looked remotely other-worldly that ever had the misfortune to cross his path or try and deliver a parcel to his house.

B*Feckin’ Jeebus!  and I thought I was nuts.

“Hair are your aeriels man”

Had fun today screwing with my eldest’s head about me having to help out tomorrow by accompanying her class on their weekly swim lesson.   I told her classmates that I’d ironed my full-length swimsuit, got my flippers and snorkel at the ready & my giant old lady flowery cap & that I’d be lowered into the shallow end by Victorian Bathing Machine.

“Are you really Miss?”

“No.  I’m just messing with her head mate – look at her face”

Little lady in question looking like she just wanted to kill me with her bare hands.

Way too easy to wind-up.  Just like her Aunty Jade was as a young ‘un. 

Good times eh dude?  Walking you to your High School Disco in an afro wig!  Picking you up from another disco in pal’s Metro with tuneage cranked up and making with the faux Scouse accent out the window, shouting, “Ee’s Trips & Wizz for sale”

Good times 🙂

[Yeah, I know I’m a dick. Thing is though, if I didn’t give a fuck then, I’m hardly going to have mellowed with age am I?]


  BTW kids, if you’re reading this in years to come and the aliens haven’t wiped us out with bug spray – it is every mother’s right to be able to embarrass you from time to time.  This is why…

We got fat for you.  We heaved you from our vaginas.  We ended up with piles and a propensity to wee when we laugh too loud or sneeze… because of you.   We reddened with shame when, as toddlers, you ripped aside the curtain in the changing rooms and exposed our semi-nakedness to the entire store while we were trying on clothes that were too tight… because of you. 

We earned the right to show you up on occasion because of the times when you opened the door in public bathrooms and festival toilets whilst we were in mid flow or mid-wipe.  The times when you pulled our tops down, or up and shouted “boobies” or when you lifted up our skirts or pulled down our elastic waisted trou and yelled “Bumlines!” then ran away laughing.

Oh yeah!

Teenage years?

Bring em on ladies.   Bring ’em on!

Love you BTW.  Big style  Xx  🙂

Pictures courtesy of Google Images