So let’s discuss the Louis Theroux show ‘Altered States’ from last night’s TV.
Polygamous relationships? Yay or Nay? (In or Out!) Seems a tad unfair when some people can’t even get one partner never mind a queue of them.
The idea has its pros and cons for me, obviously dependent on who the protagonists were – Ready Player 1? Let’s go. Tom Hardy? Channing Tatum? Theo James? Come on down!
Rita Sue and Bob though? I’m oot!
Someone else around the house so I would have to do even less housework than I already do, does have its merits. Double the income. I’d have no more money worries. But what if both blokes snored? One either side of you putting murderous thoughts into your head at 4am when you can no longer stand the sound. Suddenly it’s not such a grand idea, although if one of them was Theo, Channing or Tom, I’m sure you’d cut them some slack for a bit of snoring.
If it was Bman with extra ‘wives’ however, that would also be dependent on who they were? Would I be allowed to pick for him? Kylie? Yolandi Visser? Billie Piper? Jennifer Aniston (Just threw those names out there, I have not given this any thought at all…) What if they snored too?
We met one ‘throuple’ on the show (all IT geeks – just saying) who all spooned together at night with their own little blankets. Beardyman, who fessed up to not being able to ‘last as long’ as Bob was the owner of a dinosaur blankie – go figure. Beardyman often waits downstairs for Bob ‘to finish’ with his missus. This can take some time apparently (not always a good thing ladies – am I right?) How depressing is that for poor Beardyman?
Bob did not look like the kind of guy where that would have been your first thought about him… It goes to show that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Bob also looked about 17 and smug as fuck.
TBH I am not sure that some of the people involved in this documentary were as on board with the situation as they were making out – when they assured Louis how ‘fine’ they were with it – the eyes said otherwise.
The Jerry/Joe/Heidi arrangement was clearly even odder than the fact that they had all their clothes on racks and rails all over the house like some kind of jumble sale. Get a wardrobe FFS never mind a 4K TV (I don’t even know what that is).
Jerry was so up for a threeway with Joe. (Jerry wanted IN on Joe for shizzle!) but greedy Heidi was having none of it, despite Louis best efforts at trying to set that up.
Louis’ foray into the world of the ‘sensual dinner’ wasn’t quite as promising for me as the idea of a spare man around the house.
9 & half weeks with Mickey ‘melt face’ Rourke and Kim Bassinger it was not! It was just a roomful of oversexed hippies in kimonos rubbing brie into each other’s faces and groaning in ecstasy because there was a flaming hot Monster Munch circling their ringpiece. (I may have made that last part up).
I was put more in mind of Bruce Bogtrotter from Matilda or Ron Weasley in Harry Potter.
Strawberries, chocolate and all that, is all very well in the privacy of your own home but not in a lounge full of sweaty free-lovers spooning hummus into one another.
The Twittersphere, of course, went into overdrive about it all. I can’t wait to see what the man investigates next Sunday.