We’re in that holiday wasteland of betwixt Christmas and New Year. Lucky enough to not have to be in work but now trapped in the house pondering what to do/eat/drink/watch next.
A bit like this in our house just now… it could go either way if I don’t get out of the house and away from the Fam soon.
We did all venture into Leeds yesterday, which was as unhealthy as it sounds. Lunch at Taco Bell en famille then parted ways because, as I explained to the Bman, why the fuck would two teenage girls want to go round the shops with their Christmas money with their parents in tow?
I abandoned the queue for the changing rooms in Debenhams and decided to just buy the bloody dress regardless. Then the fates intervened and the queue for the cash desk was also irritatingly slow – how long does it take to exchange one pair of jeans for another pair FFS? – so I abandoned the purchase altogether and we went home.
In the evening we decided to watch ‘Birdbox’ on Netflix. I’d added it to my watch list long before all the hype on Twitter so thought we best get it seen before some cunt gave the all the spoilers away online. I was warned by eldest offspring not to “do what you always do Mum” – which is to say, announce the plot twist/outcome just before the denouement. What can I say? It’s a witchy intuitive thing. TBH I was too preoccupied with how amazing Sandra Bullock looks for 54 to blurt out any spoilers.
Great film though. Kids then watched ‘Bandersnatch’ – the ‘Black Mirror’ pick your path episode. I took their word for it that it was decent. I can’t be arsed farting about choosing cereals and plot choices. Was never into those pick your path stories as a kid either.
Today and over the next couple of days, I have a list of dumb jobs I need to do because they need doing and if I don’t have some kind of purpose, I may hurt someone. The Childerbeast have already mocked me for writing up phone numbers for work in an address book. Apparently, that’s ‘such a Mum thing to do’. We’ve sorted our wardrobes out and Bman has been to do a drop-off at the local charity shop. I’ve changed the shower curtain and vacpacked the Christmas jumpers/PJs/Slippers back up to go back in the loft until next year. I have a stack of ironing to do and the rest of the festive food and drink to get rid of. Also, need to test the landline phone. It fell into my glass of Advocaat on Christmas morning (don’t judge me!) and sounded a bit quiet when we spoke to Bman’s mum. Not used it since. Need to check to see if it’s totally fucked or not.
I expect that by the time I return to work on the 8th, I will be able to perform this trick.
We are on high home invasion alert after a house was broken into yesterday only a few doors up from us – at tea time no less!
With tempers and tensions being heightened at Chez Brew, I think it would be unwise of any would-be burglar to give it a shot at our house. Not that we’ve anything worth stealing. They’d be more likely to leave stuff behind for us out of pity TBH. Nonetheless I am fully prepared to protect my family and my property (if I’m not too fat full of booze and Christmas food to get up off my arse).
For now, I’m watching ‘Escape to Victory’ and planning my own escape (but from holiday limbo ennui rather than a German prisoner of war camp).
The usual round of the year in pictures and memes will doubtless be posted on Monday (that’s NYE for those of you who have now lost all concept of days and time). That’s unless I’ve had a heart attack before then. Every day I am convinced this is how I will die. “must get healthier. Must get healthier!” (as she pours another drink and pops more Pringles).
Ciao Ciao Xx