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Tag Archives: Big Fat Gypsy Weddings

Horsehair, lard or otherwise – make mine a Bombay Saph

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I tuned into this programme last night as I awaited the latest instalment in the long running ‘Big Fat Gypsy…’ franchise on Channel 4:-
Food Unwrapped (mainly because it promised a segment on how gin is made.)

Vitamin G baby!

Vitamin G baby!

As I balked at the opening sequence of chicken carcasses on a production line, I prayed that Jimmy Doherty wasn’t going to ruin one my favourite tipples by revealing that it does in fact contain horsehair, extract of lard and badger droppings.

Fortunately nothing more than what I already knew was lurking within:- juniper berries, various fruits and spices added to a vodka base.   I doubt though that had I ever been partial to the odd donner kebab, that I would ever be partaking again!  Any fast food at all to be honest given that I recently also watched a show called Dirty Britain that showed a couple of likely Mancunians in their choice role of scraping 7 inches of fat from inside a sewage pipe with a shovel somewhere beneath the city centre, as further fresh fat flowed freely between their feet.

Yuk!

My favourite phrase of the Food Unwrapped show had to be when the man explaining how almost 75% of oysters contain the Noro Virus and how this is spread, used the beautiful words:-  “A mist of vomit in the air – it’s on the cat, on the couch, it’s everywhere”

“A mist of vomit.”   I barely kept my Doritos down!

I look forward, almost too excitedly to Thursday night when I can watch this beaut:- Confessions of an alien abductee, made all the more delicious because these are British people, not crazy Americans who live in a trailer park.

How tempted am I to get fucked up on gin and call that Abductee helpline because you know that number is going to get a shitload more calls after Thursday.

After the Alien Abduction

 

pictures from google images

Abandoning 200 years of tradition for a sunbed & a big telly…and then my local MP had a fight

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What’s occurring this week in the world of the DHW & beyond then?

 Well there’s this: Dingo case reopens in Australia

 I have to say that after a stay on Fraser Island surrounded by dingoes back in ’97 I have no doubt that the wild & wily, wiry, thieving canines are more than capable of taking a baby from a tent!  I can still picture them as if it was yesterday, watching me from the scrubland, as I took a piss in the dunes after dark.

I'm watching your kids & they look tasty!

 

This week, my televisual delectation included watching (with mounting disbelief) a DVD bought for my 7 year old for her birthday (by her Dad) called ‘Sucker Punch’ IMDB – Sucker Punch

 Brief synopsis being that the chick from ‘Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events’ goes blonde, gets her hold-ups on &  an Ann Summers style sailor suit & dances, stabs, shoots and maims her way out of a mental institute/bordello (it’s hard to keep track).  She is assisted in this fantasy quest by several scantily clad pals (equally disturbingly, one of them is the chick from ‘High School Musical’). 

What would Troy Bolton say?

 The kids enjoyed the science fantasy graphic novel CGI fight sequences but I have to say… I was slightly disturbed by the dark sexual undertones.  Nor was I convinced that the message of;- hot pants, leather bodice, hold ups & a samurai sword = brave heroine and role model was the right one to set an easily influenced 7 year old.  She thought she was Kung Fu Panda for 2 months after we saw that movie FFS! & lest we forget the time her class teacher spoke to me about her trying to use telekinetic powers on her after she watched ‘Matilda’.  Needless to say the DVD has been tidied away so it can’t be watched again until she is 15.

 

I was mightily amused by ‘Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ where ‘Mary Margaret’ (or whatever) waxed lyrical one minute about life on the open road.  How a traveller’s life is always on the move, as she cooked her roast in a 200-year-old Romany cooking pot and banged on about how keeping a horse outside your house was no different from keeping a cat or a dog.  Within half an hour, she was showing us around her new house in Armley with a 52inch plasma on the wall and converting the cellar into a solarium & gym.  The horse was nowhere to be seen!

 

This story in the news amused me when a local  MP, a recent visitor to my children’s school when he came with Pudsey Bear, was caught up in a brawl in the House of Commons bar and got headbutted:

 Speculation that the incident was caused due to the 2 men fighting over who’s turn it was to have a go in the Bear suit next are, as yet, unsubstantiated.

 

I was also highly entertained to hear that a friend of mine has surpassed even me, in the social awkwardness stakes on a recent trip to London, when she confessed on Facebook, to not only falling into someone on a downward escalator while ogling a minor celebrity, thus causing a domino effect of tumbling commuters.   To top that, she also barfed on a complete stranger on the tube because he smelled bad.  

You couldn’t make this shit up!    God love ya Mooders.  Comedy gold babe!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Valentines Schmalantines

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Le Bman returnez.    Bulgarian booze confiscated at Sofia airport but bag full of crusty washing, sweaty long johns, giant salamis and weird looking sweets for the childerbeast.  It sounded like the kind of holiday experience that could have ended in divorce had we all gone out there as a family.

Too cold by far.  Too much snow and not enough bedding (or even beds for that matter) at Small Man Cabs’ house.

We don’t call him small man for nothing – this is only actually 1ft deep (just kidding Mr Steel)
 
It took less than 24 hours for Bman to put my kitchen bits and bats back the way they had been before he left – poo-pooing my rearrangements as “shit” and to make with the poor housekeeping gags.  He enjoyed his holiday though despite the cold and said he’d like to go somewhere on his own again.  I’m packing a bag for him as we speak…  Love you, you grumpy auld fart!
 
Valentines Day eh?  While facebook statuses littered the Ethernet with declarations of love and jpegs of beautifully set dinner tables and bouquets of flowers.  We spent 30 minutes deciding what to order from the Chinese only to realise that it’s closed on Tuesdays. I had Halloumi on toast instead and he had 2 hard boiled eggs that needed eating before they went off.  We then sat and watched fat people in their underwear, crying as they were weighed on National TV while Davina McCall tried to look sympathetic in her size 8 bright red bodycon dress and heels. 
 
 
Just to cap off the romantic nature of the evening we watched Big Fat Gypsy Weddings where it was noted that my sister missed a trick last year with bridesmaid dress ideas.
 
We then went to bed and had a 10 minute discussion as to whether glue was still made from horses.
 
Who said romance was dead eh?
 
courtesy of cartoonstock