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Tag Archives: Bondi Rescue

East coast massive

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Me and Childerbeast have just had a mini seaside break in sunny Bridlington. It was hotter than one would imagine for Brid, but then we are going through a bit of the old global warming in the UK just now.

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We could almost be in Tenerife

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Not quite Bondi.    but you still got to swim between the flags y’all!

 

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Bit overcast on Day2 but still warm

Things I learned over the past couple of days:- 
* Dining out with my friend can be quite the confusing experience for all involved.
* If my friend won £10k, the first thing she would buy is a “big bag of crisps.”
* There’s an awesome disabled loo on the promenade at Brid, with adjustable sinks.
* Two days in Brid costs more than you think.
* There are several establishments serving, “best fish and chips in Bridlington”.
* Black music gets you dancing – it must be true, it said so on the waltzers.
* My friend’s daughter is a menace in a dodgem – My bruised knees are a proof!
* Even the best GoPro ever will still only film brown water in the sea at Brid.

 

 

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I wish to be a 13 year old boy who works in a toy factory & has sex with a grown woman

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Nothing to see here, just a man with a hotdog for gentials

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Mmmm ice cream that looks like your intestines

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You heard the man – get dancing honkies!

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All diversities welcome at the seaside

Meanwhile, our next trip will be to Boomtown Fair in Winchester later this week.
I’m excited and slightly nervous in equal measure.  It looks like quite the immersive festival experience. It could go either way.  I could wander aimlessly with the childerbeast (like we did when I got us lost on the way to the B&B in Brid) or I could end up in the tea and sympathy tent being holistically tended-to by a volunteer in a HiVis vest, while my children look on in ill-disguised contempt and embarrassment because I’ve lost my shit on Mcat or something. (Is Mcat still a thing?)   Click here for a trailer of  BoomTown Chapter 10

We shall see…

Someone tell me what to do

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If anyone could sort me out with winning lotto numbers so I can stay home watching ‘Bondi Rescue’ and ‘There’s a ghost up my arse’ or whatever, while doing my step machine and occasionally ironing, then that’d be great.

🙂

I’ve been researching other potential career prospects.  So far this is my list:-

*Continue being a HLTA.
*More swim teaching (skin & hair getting buggered up).
*Retraining as a Retained Reflexes Therapist.
*Setting up own ghost hunting company (market pretty saturated right now though).
*Hiring self out as Humanist celebrant (clashes somewhat with supernatural beliefs.
and also costs a stupid amount of money to ‘train’ to write ceremonies).
*1:1 TA work for SEN pupils.
*Write bestselling novel & sell the movie rights – relocate to LA.
*Setting up mobile beer van with pal “Oldies with Coldies” & doing the festy circuit.

My list of credentials is a sorry state of oddities indeed:-

*8 GCSEs.
*2 A levels.
*Some Secretarial qualification I forget the name of that included a proficiency.
certificate in the art of ‘WordStar4’ (a long defunct word processing program).
*NVQs in Childcare Learning & Development and Support Teaching & Learning.
*Higher Level Teaching Assistant status.
*ASA Swimming National Curriculum Training Program Levels 1&2.
*STA Award in Swim Teaching.
*STA Pool Safety Award.
*Diploma in Parapsychology (I shit you not).
*Diploma in Demonology (fact. It’s true – bring it on Beelzebub).
*Am also an ordained Humanist Celebrant (god bless the Internet).

I must be able to do something different with that lot – surely Shirley? Or a mish-mash of it all – a bit like I am now, but with more structure & less hours.
The thought of being self-employed scares me though. What about holidays? Tax? Sick pay? But I don’t want to work for some big corporate gig either.  

Help.

I do need a change though. I need to do something exciting. Am starting to feel a little stagnant – like an old pond.

😀

Maybe I need to invent some kind of anti-snoring device (before I throttle Bman with the cord of my MP3 headphones, because seriously? I can still hear you man). 

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