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Half Term Pt1

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I’ve had a little mini holiday this half term and it wasn’t by mistake.

Thursday I headed to London, not for free though, thanks to Grand Central train being cancelled and having to get a much later train with another company.  Bummer!

Got the tube to my destination.  I can do without the tube TBH but it doesn’t scare me like it does some people.  I like to use it when I am in London just to remind myself that I’m lucky enough not to have to use it every day for work.

I met up with my sis and my two friends who had managed to find each other in a pub on Drury Lane and we all checked into the Travelodge before getting ready for a pre-dinner drink, then dinner, before the main event – Magic Mike Live.

What. Was. I. Thinking?  Have I turned into a cliche of a woman pushing 50? Treading water desperately to hold onto youth, vitality, attraction? Worrying that ever-encroaching decrepitude and eventual death are not that far into the future?  Or do I just admire the art form of the sculptured male physique via the medium of dance?

You tell me.

I do know that we were pretty terrified at how close we were to the stage. And rightly so when the show began.  No spoilers for the ‘storyline’, but suffice to say it was a bit like ‘Cats’ but with buff shirtless men crawling around and mounting you when you were least expecting it.

Unicorn stamp on the way in, which I can only assume contained LSD because reality was surely altered when those lads came on stage.  Money of joy fell from the ceiling and away we went amid speculation about how those conversations went down with the families.

“Good news Mum, I got a job in the West End”

“Wow, amazing! Can you get tickets for me, your dad and your gran?”

“Erm, No I’m not sure that’s going to work Mum!”

See also, “What do you do for a living then love?”  “I catch sweaty tee shirts thrown to me by fit, hench, possibly homosexual men twice a night”





That’s not me BTW – just to clarify.

Much cackling & whooping all round and agreeing that the show probably wouldn’t work if it was the likes of our own husbands, brothers, male pals etc in the cast.  Much love to Big Brew, JC & The Boy but….no…

Remember ladies.  Channing Tatum is inside all of us…

And I’ll leave that video clip and that thought with you girls.




“Is that all she’s getting?”

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So let’s discuss the Louis Theroux show ‘Altered States’ from last night’s TV.  


Polygamous relationships?  Yay or Nay? (In or Out!) Seems a tad unfair when some people can’t even get one partner never mind a queue of them.

The idea has its pros and cons for me, obviously dependent on who the protagonists were – Ready Player 1? Let’s go.  Tom Hardy?  Channing Tatum? Theo James? Come on down!

Rita Sue and Bob though? I’m oot! 


….We’re having a ball

Someone else around the house so I would have to do even less housework than I already do, does have its merits. Double the income. I’d have no more money worries. But what if both blokes snored? One either side of you putting murderous thoughts into your head at 4am when you can no longer stand the sound. Suddenly it’s not such a grand idea, although if one of them was Theo, Channing or Tom, I’m sure you’d cut them some slack for a bit of snoring.

If it was Bman with extra ‘wives’ however, that would also be dependent on who they were? Would I be allowed to pick for him?  Kylie? Yolandi Visser? Billie Piper? Jennifer Aniston (Just threw those names out there, I have not given this any thought at all…)  What if they snored too?

I’m IN!

We met one ‘throuple’ on the show (all IT geeks – just saying) who all spooned together at night with their own little blankets. Beardyman, who fessed up to not being able to ‘last as long’ as Bob was the owner of a dinosaur blankie – go figure.  Beardyman often waits downstairs for Bob ‘to finish’ with his missus. This can take some time apparently (not always a good thing ladies – am I right?)  How depressing is that for poor Beardyman?
Bob did not look like the kind of guy where that would have been your first thought about him… It goes to show that you can’t judge a book by its cover.  Bob also looked about 17 and smug as fuck.


I thought I were great…


TBH I am not sure that some of the people involved in this documentary were as on board with the situation as they were making out – when they assured Louis how ‘fine’ they were with it – the eyes said otherwise. 


This is Jerry.  Jerry is not really OK


The Jerry/Joe/Heidi arrangement was clearly even odder than the fact that they had all their clothes on racks and rails all over the house like some kind of jumble sale.  Get a wardrobe FFS never mind a 4K TV (I don’t even know what that is).


What did I say Jerry? / You said we could have a 3way with Joe/ I DID NOT say that Jerry!

Jerry was so up for a threeway with Joe. (Jerry wanted IN on Joe for shizzle!) but greedy Heidi was having none of it, despite Louis best efforts at trying to set that up.

Louis’ foray into the world of the ‘sensual dinner’ wasn’t quite as promising for me as the idea of a spare man around the house.
9 & half weeks with Mickey ‘melt face’ Rourke and Kim Bassinger it was not!  It was just a roomful of oversexed hippies in kimonos rubbing brie into each other’s faces and groaning in ecstasy because there was a flaming hot Monster Munch circling their ringpiece. (I may have made that last part up).


Do not spill that on the duvet Roy!

I was put more in mind of Bruce Bogtrotter from Matilda or Ron Weasley in Harry Potter.

Strawberries, chocolate and all that, is all very well in the privacy of your own home but not in a lounge full of sweaty free-lovers spooning hummus into one another.


The Twittersphere, of course, went into overdrive about it all.  I can’t wait to see what the man investigates next Sunday.


All because the lady loves… her earplugs

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Decent evening last night at the party. I was very sensible & didn’t indulge too much.  Far too entertaining watching others partake of Jaegerbombs,  limoncello, vodka & Ribena & sambuca.


I’m giving blood later today & didn’t want to turn up swathed in alcohol fumes with a stinking hangover.

Did have some interesting conversations about people’s supernatural experiences, which was most interesting.

Am presently sofa-loafing in my undies watching The Returned. Forced from my own bed yet again by a snoring Bman (despite having earplugs stuffed so far into my ears I could practically taste them!)


Milk Tray are reintroducing the iconic Milk Tray man & hosting a contest to search for him.  I know someone who needn’t bother applying!  

I’d like my Milk Tray delivered by Channing Tatum & Theo James while Gleb from Strictly Come Dancing does a cheeky salsa number at the end of the bed.