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Oh! WTF?

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I’ve been asked to do a mix CD for a friend, so I’ve been scouring YouTube for Old Skool classics.    Needless to say, I found some corkers.  This bad boy included.  A vinyl staple of everyone’s favourite, crazy albino-looking Welshman – The MusicMaker. 

Anyone for a total headfuck?

I shit you not, the dude used to play this and I can still remember standing agog in the middle of the dance floor at Kinetic in my cycling shorts & crop top and saying; “Woah! Is that O Fortuna? WTF!!”

Not for the faint of heart or those prone to tinnitus.  However, if you are brave enough to press play; imagine it at full beam; volume goes up to way more than 11; chest thumping bass,  when you may have (accidentally) imbibed recreational pharmaceuticals and be a tad unsure of your name, where you were from or what, indeed, you may have had!  It gets particularly terrifying at about 2:44…

www.whatsyournamefriedyourbraingotaclaim.com

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So my tea was interrupted this evening with a phone call from a man with a very strong Indian accent, called Sam’, asking if he was speaking to “Mrs Brazier”

“Nope”

“Mrs Breever?”

“Guess again my friend”

“Mrs Brewer?”

“There it is bud…”

“I am calling from Techno Claims Madam this evening”

Techno Claims???

 

BANG!     Now he had my attention.

If there was some new potential money earner I could fill forms in for and wait for months to hear about, that might mean I could scrape some extra coinage in – then I’d be all over that little scheme.

Techno Claims you say?

My mind raced….

     …could all those years of (not entirely wasted) Friday and Saturday nights wedged up against the bass bins upstairs of a now demolished bus depot in downtown Longton (Stoke on Trent) be about to pay off?

Those Fridays I’d poured myself into lycra cycling shorts and hypercolour T- shirt (don’t deny you didn’t have one or want one).  Two-stepping around to the kind of music that made perfect sense for 48 hours over a long  weekend in a skanky sweatbox of a death trap, fire hazard of a warehouse; yet lacked  a certain je ne sais quoi when heard mid-week in the confines of your parents’ house. 

Could this mis-spent youth of mine be about to have me hit the big time cash-wise?

Spinal shrinkage compensation scheme?  Medical compo for all the burst blood vessels, chewed tongues, lost brain cells?  This time next year me and the Bman could be on a yacht in the Maldives, laughing into our daiquiris.

 

“Yes Madam we’re dealing with the mis-selling of PPI this evening please”

 

Arse!

     The old bait & switch…

                        …thus, my hopes were dashed. 😦

 

 

Forty (almost) & flabulous darling….

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TV Quote of the Day:        “Hello death, Hello oblivion” – Absolutely Fabulous – ‘Birthday’ 

Way back on this very day in 1992, the episode of ‘Absolutely Fabulous’ titled ‘Birthday’ came out.  I watched it of course, and have to say that my own 40th birthday seemed rather a long way off.  Yet here we are.  It looms ahead in 4 days time. 

AbFab-Birthday Episode

Back then, I was eagerly anticipating my 21st. A drug fuelled rave-off above a bus station in downtown Stroke on Trent with 2000 of my closest friends – many of whom I couldn’t have picked out of a police line-up if they hadn’t been wearing the same bobble hat & dungaree/cut-off jeans ensemble that they wore every Friday night like a  uniform.

Happy days!

Not so happy the following night though when my skin turned blue and my kidneys began to fail.  Not quite so ‘ecstatic’ then eh?

From roughly around that era.   Taken in the back of a removal van at around 4am.  I’m the one in the shades.
 
JUST SAY NO KIDS!
 

 

Who’d have thought back then that in 2011 I’d be getting staggeringly underpaid for teaching 11 year olds about graffiti; John Lennon; how to express remainders as a quotient and choreographing dance routines to Pink Floyd covers.   Strange times!

Never thought for a second either that I’d be married to a boy I went to junior school with, & deliberately embarrassing our offspring by dressing up as an elf and dancing in front of them and all their friends at their school like I did on Friday, but hey ho, you never can tell what the future will bring.

 

Broke up yesterday so have celebrated by getting shitfaced last night at my mate’s and spending today loafing around on the sofa eating chocolate coins & watching garbage in TV with the childerbeast & the MiL.

Merry Christmas. Xx