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Tag Archives: Dia de los meurtos

Venturing into the threshold of the damned. (AKA shopping in town.)

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Yesterday I ventured into the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is, not, in fact Mos Eisley, but Bradford. 

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Here is a photo I took at the Bus Interchange.

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OK, I lied, but it was close.

It was wolf fleece central and I overheard the toilet cleaning dude telling someone it was his last shift before he relocated to work in Keighley, “which is much nicer”.

Fighting talk indeed.

I people-watched as I made my purchases in an array of pound shops.  The phrase ‘Welcome to Royston Vasey’ sprang to mind.

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Brush your teeth kids & pay attention in school. Otherwise you too will end up toothless and gaunt, sucking on a roll-up. Tits deep in weird looking offspring and shopping at the type of frozen food store that sells mushy peas in batter, while your equally unfortunate looking spouse/life-partner/lover of the week, lurches along beside you looking like he is fit for his next fix of Methadone.*

Painting a pleasant enough picture for you?


*Am describing what I saw, not myself….just thought I best clarify that.

Forget expensive moisturisers, spa treatments and aspiring to be one of the Real Housewives of wherever. Just go into Bradford on any given Saturday and look around.  You will feel like a million dollars.

I found a store I’d not seen before which sold handmade soaps and bath bombs and, randomly, Ouija boards!  What could go wrong with the youth of Bradford tinkering with the afterlife? Although I imagine it could be difficult to tell the undead from the living.  It’s a thin line round here my friend.

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In my trancelike state listening to my MP3 I accidentally wandered into the Model’s Own make-up stall in the new Broadway Shopping Centre.  Before I knew what was happening, I appeared to have agreed to buy an anti-redness primer (which is lovely to be fair). The foetus in hair extensions serving me seemed completely mortified when I said I didn’t usually wear foundation – just a tinted moisturizer. I thought she was going to have me arrested by the cosmetic police.
I’d like to think she was so convinced that my flawless complexion must’ve been the result of hours of careful blending, but more likely she was thinking,
“If I were you love, I’d put a bit more effort into that old mush”.

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The primer was the only thing she got out of me though.  I stopped her in her tracks when she started waffling about contouring.  Fuck that!  I’d end up looking like a 1980’s Athena poster or Skeletor or something.  I’ll leave all that business to the teens.  Frankly these days I’m happy if I haven’t got a muzzy or any hair growing out of my mole.  After all those early years of having a spotty clock or a horrifically dry chin, I’m amazed I actually have any face left.

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Is this too subtle?

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How you doin?

 

 

I survived anyway and made it home in time for tea (which was not mushy peas in batter, before you ask.)

Got a training day at work tomorrow. Think I’ll give my new Dia de los Meurtos dress an airing.  Skeletons are for life, not just for Halloween you know.

Vaya con dios amigos Xx

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Michael Meyers is a tit man

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Gave blood for first time last week.¬†¬† Got told off by a Susan Boyle lookalike nurse for not disclosing that I’d had a paracetamol at the weekend. ¬†She made me feel like some kind of lying, drug-addled deviant. ¬†Other than that it went ok. I didn’t pass out or anything & show myself up.

We also went to Manchester¬†to spend the evening at my sister’s. ¬† City centre was busy. Slightly disturbed at mini tent city outside Boots on Market Street, complete with teens partaking of a bottle bong in broad daylight & nobody seemed to bat an eyelid!¬† It’s a city centre shopping area dudes.¬† Not a bloody festival!

Had a lovely birthday lunch at my sister’s for Mum on Thursday.¬†¬†¬†Fab to see everyone, especially my noisy little niecelings.

Had pals round on Saturday for my favourite time of year – Halloween. I went down the Dia de los Meurtos route again costume-wise. ¬†Sugar skull glamour. ¬†Anything to try to camouflage myself from hoardes of trick or treaters saying “Hiya Miss” (& knowing where I live!)¬†

Pity that didn’t work.¬†

They all knew who I was straight away! Even the ones who don’t already know where I live.¬† Will have to try harder next year.¬†

Bman looked pretty scary as Michael Myers.  I volunteered to dangle a coat hanger from his eye socket for maximum effect but he said it was ok.  He even had some horrid dismembered arm thing going on as a nod to his love of all things zombie.  I think between him and Stef dressed as Undead Santa, they managed to traumatize many of the younglings of the neighbourhood.

Job done.

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Back to work today, where I aim to make like my blood group and B-positive.

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Don’t let my kids ever tell you I never do anything with them

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It is September 1st, there are 115 days until the C word and I go back to work the day after tomorrow, after 6 weeks off Рand what a 6 weeks! 

I’ve been to Farndale¬†& Saltburn; worked 2 festivals and attended another as a punter. ¬†I’ve been to Scarborough, Whitby & swimming a fair few times. ¬†Visited Manchester¬†& Chester; I’ve sat in the belly of a metal whale; masqueraded¬†as the Red Queen; soaked in a hot tub on a riverbank; climbed a giant dog turd in Stretford &¬†danced atop a pile of haybales¬†in a field in Northamptonshire.¬† I’ve met new friends; caught up with long lost¬†old friends after¬†far too long.¬† I’ve re-lived my lost youth and felt fantastic.¬†¬†On occasion I have also felt¬†about 89 years old!¬†¬† I’ve discovered new music and heard some amazing live acts & bands. ¬†I’ve laughed until I ached. I’ve cried buckets & felt¬† like I was at the bottom of the deepest darkest pit of shite, unable to climb back out (but I did).¬†¬† I’ve danced in the mud; I’ve chatted freely to semi-naked people covered in glitter; I’ve swirled around in other people’s detritus in the name of research & entered the 21st century with a touch-screen phone with Internet access (it’s the devils own handiwork I tell you – Witchcraft! Witchcraft!).¬† ¬†I’ve been to the movies 3 times and I’ve loafed on the sofa for a whole day watching ‘Murder She Wrote”.¬†¬† The excitement has been non-stop.

Well now it’s time to get back into¬†work mode and pretend to be an intelligent, highly organised, calm and sensible grown-up again ready to impart knowledge and wisdom on a future generation of young adults.

I’ll let you know how that pans out…

 

In other news: Blunkett refused seat at Paralympics¬† Rather mahoosive¬†social faux-pas.¬† Glad it’s not just me who fucks up on a grand scale then.

 

Also in home news, Bman tells me that at his work they are to be issued with new name badges which needn’t have their real names on. ¬†They can choose an alternative name, which has to be agreed with the powers that be.¬† Oh the possibilities…

Apparently the usual suspects e.g. Phil McAvity¬†and Phil McCreviss, have already been submitted (and rejected) but the potential for comedy is fabulous and too good an opportunity to miss.¬† All last night I was randomly interrupting conversation and TV¬†viewing¬†with things like;- “How about Lou Stools? or I.C. Uratwat”.¬†

Any suggestions worthy of mention, do feel free to leave a comment.¬† We have also been considering movie characters or musicians who aren’t too obvious.¬† We both liked Snake Plissken and Lux Interior but are doubtful they will pass the test.

In the meantime (while you think of names like ‘Mike Hunt’ and ‘Drew Peacock’) here are a few of my favourite pics of what I did on my holidays:-

  

Next thing to plan for: РHLTA course starting in October (work work work and how the Feck do I get across to the Harrogate Road side of Leeds by 0915) and hopefully our annual Halloween shizzle Рthis year am hoping for a Dia de los Meurtos theme to tie in with the date.  Sugar skull times!

Later dudes!  Xx