RSS Feed

Tag Archives: DOADHW

Let’s go round again…

Posted on

Went to watch ‘Ghost Stories’ at the cinema on Saturday after my swimming lessons. A beautiful early summer’s eve.  Everyone out in the beer gardens getting tanked up in the sun. 

There’s a bar now at the local Odeon, so I treated myself to half a Peroni while I waited for my pal. I  took a seat and watched the local constabulary putting some restorative practice into play with the local Asian teens, who appeared to have had some kind of foyer-based rumble among the popcorn stands.

Ahh Bradford.

What a dive!

I enjoyed the film.  A few decent jumpscare moments. One of which sent my mate’s popcorn flying to the floor and another sent my empty pop bottle bouncing noisily down the aisle.  My pal whispered at one point, “As if you’d go wandering about alone in an abandoned place like that in the dark”  Then laughed as we both then said, “What? like we do all the bloody time?”

You would think a couple of time-served investigators like ourselves wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a mere film, but there were a fair few “OH!” moments and clutching of one another’s arms in the dark, then sniggering like Mutley.

mutley

😀

If you like a good old fashioned tense ghost story then this is for you.

130924-Floating-Ghost

 

As I’ve said before.  The dead don’t alarm me. It’s some of the living who are the ones to fear.

 

Cs

 

Anyway, it’s back to the routine of work now for the next half term.  It’s Day 1 and I’m still smiling.  I have put in a written request to go part-time from September. So watch this space for any update on that!

Ciao Ciao XX

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Someone tell me what to do

Posted on

If anyone could sort me out with winning lotto numbers so I can stay home watching ‘Bondi Rescue’ and ‘There’s a ghost up my arse’ or whatever, while doing my step machine and occasionally ironing, then that’d be great.

🙂

I’ve been researching other potential career prospects.  So far this is my list:-

*Continue being a HLTA.
*More swim teaching (skin & hair getting buggered up).
*Retraining as a Retained Reflexes Therapist.
*Setting up own ghost hunting company (market pretty saturated right now though).
*Hiring self out as Humanist celebrant (clashes somewhat with supernatural beliefs.
and also costs a stupid amount of money to ‘train’ to write ceremonies).
*1:1 TA work for SEN pupils.
*Write bestselling novel & sell the movie rights – relocate to LA.
*Setting up mobile beer van with pal “Oldies with Coldies” & doing the festy circuit.

My list of credentials is a sorry state of oddities indeed:-

*8 GCSEs.
*2 A levels.
*Some Secretarial qualification I forget the name of that included a proficiency.
certificate in the art of ‘WordStar4’ (a long defunct word processing program).
*NVQs in Childcare Learning & Development and Support Teaching & Learning.
*Higher Level Teaching Assistant status.
*ASA Swimming National Curriculum Training Program Levels 1&2.
*STA Award in Swim Teaching.
*STA Pool Safety Award.
*Diploma in Parapsychology (I shit you not).
*Diploma in Demonology (fact. It’s true – bring it on Beelzebub).
*Am also an ordained Humanist Celebrant (god bless the Internet).

I must be able to do something different with that lot – surely Shirley? Or a mish-mash of it all – a bit like I am now, but with more structure & less hours.
The thought of being self-employed scares me though. What about holidays? Tax? Sick pay? But I don’t want to work for some big corporate gig either.  

Help.

I do need a change though. I need to do something exciting. Am starting to feel a little stagnant – like an old pond.

😀

Maybe I need to invent some kind of anti-snoring device (before I throttle Bman with the cord of my MP3 headphones, because seriously? I can still hear you man). 

images

 

 

 

in need of something but not sure what

Posted on

I was meant to be heading south this weekend to visit some pals and have a curry and some drinks.  There was even loose talk of getting hold of a “hot tug” and sailing it to Harlow, but I don’t think that came off.  Maybe next time, when it’s warmer.

Motorized-Hot-Tub-1

Stock Photo from Google Images

 

As it goes, I haven’t gone.  I started with the snots when I got back from Chester over the Easter Weekend, which was awesome by the way (the Easter weekend in Chester – not the snots).
I also had a clairsentient gut feeling that I should stay home & leave it til another time.  I’ve learned it’s best to pay attention to these things, so here I am.  At home. In the rain. Not ever wanting to see another Easter Egg in a long time and feeling rather cross at why people can’t just commit to a long planned arrangement or answer a text from time to time in a civil, unfacetious fashion.

I know everyone has their own little lives and shit but FFS!

dont-be-a-shit-cunt-mahatma-gandhi-cuntology-27249572

 

 

So what have I done instead?

    Ventured to Sadford Town to return a pair of silver Doc Martens.  Not mine I hasten to add.  Seems my eldest wants to go for the Gary Gliiter, Glam Rock aesthetic for her birthday this year.  It’s not ’til June, but these boots she wanted were on offer in Foot Asylum. 

Ordered them. They arrived.  But are neither the right size not the requisite shade of silver apparently.

FML!

Had one lovely spring-like day on Wednesday so ordered some new garden furniture.  Natch it has pissed down ever since.  Furniture currently clogging up the hallway and kitchen ready to be assembled.

Still no washing machine because the fucker needs yet more parts.  Bastarding Hotpoint.  ‘Oh we’ll replace your washer if it can’t be repaired’.  Repair dude just laughed at us and said that almost never happens.  It can be repaired….eventually….when he comes back for a third time on Wednesday.  That’ll be over 3 weeks since it initially broke.  I’m running out of neighbours to impose upon to wash my smalls, my mediums and my larges!

So anyway, the trip into Sadford, usually a cure-all when you’ve got the blues, did not help in any way whatsoever. It was like accidentally stumbling through the set of the Walking Dead.  Normally this type of thing makes me feel less inferior. Better about myself.  It could be worse etc.  Yesterday it just made me feel sad and full of gloom that I was doomed to die here. That I had failed as a mother and I had condemmed my offspring to a miserable life in a miserable place.

“Hello is that the Emergency St John’s Wort & Evening Primrose Oil hotline? I’d like to place an order please!”

The best part of the day was when I smuggled some tech into an allegedly haunted shop in my handbag, for a mini lone investigation, Sadly the recorder failed. Coinicidence? Supernatural? Or operator ineptitude?  You decide.  Either way, it had a most oppressive atmos (but did sell the most amazing bits, bobs, tat and oddments).  There was a man in there talking to the shopkeeper about his imaginary friends as she listened unjudgementally and with sound advice.   I may have found my spiritual home.

🙂

Boyes store however lit up my K2 device like a gay pride parade.  Too many mobiles on in the vicinity? Or it being so full of the elderly and infirm that the veil between this life and the next is ridiculously thin – the afterlife almost tangible through the smell of wee, lavender bags and the scent of decrepitude?  Again – you decide.

867b333a8c5134b0d4c453d1def4c832

from Google Images

 

I didn’t want to be one of those olds.  Complaining in the cafe upstairs in Boyes that the tomato soup was sold out, or that so and so hadn’t turned up today and did they think she might have died over the weekend.
But I also felt like I was skidding quickly towards being one of those people (but with less friends).

This time last year we were in Orlando, yet it doesn’t seem two minutes since we were only just planning it and it was 18 months away!

20170404_102532

Poss my fave pic from last year’s hol

 

Life is short.  Do stuff.  Fun stuff.  Sometimes wrong stuff.  But stuff. Be kind.  Be nice. Go out. Have fun. Make some memories to keep you warm when you’re waiting for death in a cafe above Boyes in Bradford and the soup is off and your mate hasn’t turned up.

 

                                         Gravitating towards the water, as per

PhotoPass_Visiting_STUDIO_80019468941928139_79989163

1928139_79683495

Fun after dark & that time I was saved by lesbians

Posted on

Last weekend I spent Saturday night raking about in the dark at a medical museum in Leeds that used to be a workhouse back in the mists of time.

What energies could possibly be lurking about there then?

Imagine my geeky joy when the company running this after hours event uttered the magic words;

“Feel free to go off on your own, just as long as you let us know roughly where you’re headed”

Get in!!

🙂

So, a ghost hunt, in the dark; free reign to wander with my equally geekish pal, and it was in a museum full of bizarre medical implements with a buffet laid on to boot.

What is not to like there?   Cue such phrases as; “I’m quite partial to an iron lung”,Ooooh trepanning” and “let’s pretend we’re in an Isis video”.

arms

tableau

That time I helped Karl Pilkington amputate a leg

 

blindfold

That time we pretended to have been captured by Isis

 

Good times.

  The next day I took a wander up the road to the store.  When I got there I realized I didn’t have my phone. I thought perhaps I’d left it at home.  I retraced my steps anyway but no joy.  No luck at home either.  What a pain!  Rang the mobile company to suspend the account while youngest rang the phone just in case anyone had it.

They did!

She passes the phone to me and I hear a masculine voice say “Remember them two lesbians you passed on the bridge?”  I remembered passing two girls who looked as if they were doing the Sunday morning walk of shame home.  I wondered why this dude on the phone was bringing them up??

“Well that’s us”, says the ‘dude’.

Ah. Now I see.

It seemed they had seen me motor past them in a hurry.  My phone must’ve slipped from my hoodie pocket.  They saw it on the ground and picked it up.  Shouted me (but I had headphones on, lost in the Metallica zone).  They tried running after me, but both had massive chunky platform shoes on.  They couldn’t find me at B&M or Morries (because I was in Iceland) so when they got home they put an appeal out on FB to locate the phone owner.  Of course, I sacked FB off last year (very soul cleansing – I recommend it!)

Anyhow, seems they live down the road on the council estate so I said I’d go round and pick it up.
I made youngest come with me (eldest was out) just in case I got sex-trafficked (more likely she would TBH) or if they were homicidal lesbians, who lure victims to their killing lair by taking their phone hostage.

Turns out, they were good people.  There are actually some out there.  Who knew?
I gave them each an Easter egg as a thank you (had bought them for workmates – so pardon about that!)   I also offered them a tenner reward but they wouldn’t take it.

So, no need to get a new phone.  No need to get it blocked. And I got out of the ghetto down the road without too many shouts of “Hya Miss!”  Man am I glad I don’t live down there – for more reasons than just avoiding students I teach.

A good weekend indeed.

🙂

On half term now and thank fuck for it!  I was about at the end of my last nerve.  Definitely need two weeks off for Easter. 


 This is probably the best thing that will be on TV over the Easter weekend though.  They just don’t make shows like, ‘Easter with Liberace’ anymore…probably just as well.

liberace

Pretty sure this is where they got the idea for Donnie Darko

Ciao Ciao & be kind y’all.

Xx

 

 

A little bit of happy after a day of crappy

Posted on

Bored of hearing my own voice this week already.  I may start teaching through the medium of sign language or dance.

e259ee0339c75b978aba37c6f87aac53--dance-academy-dance-quotes

 

Sixty Five sheets taken from my bank account today, as well as overpaying on my Simply Health plan through work.

Bastards!

Queried the £65, which was from some erroneous insurance I had no recollection of.  Turned out to be an automatic renewal of the holiday cover I took out last year for the family before we went to Orlando.

When questioned why it renewed automatically, I was told I would have been made aware of that at the set up stage (no) and that it was standard (no).  Not everyone goes on holiday every year, and even if you did, the parameters might change – destinations, level of cover required etc.

“Not to worry madam, we can cancel the policy without charge as you are within the cooling off period”

Good

“Will you be wanting the £65 refunded?”

No love, you keep it, treat yourself for Easter…. Obviously I want a flippin’ refund you dopey git, that’s why I’m ringing up!

Twats!

Then a 15 minute phone call to the Tax Office to set up as a sole trader.  Having to record voice messages so my voice can be used as my password in future – presumably for all the times I’m going to spend shooting the breeze on the phone to HMI! 

Missed a trick by using own normal voice.  Should have gone all Pam Doove from League of Gentlemen.

“MA VOOOOYSE EEEES MA PARRRSSWEEEERD!”

Just to confuse the system.

 

Simply Health – 3 emails to them querying over-payments from my wages on my monthly premium since January.  They finally get in touch to ask if I could message back to confirm that I’d like the over-payments to be reimbursed.

Again – Nah mate, ignore the previous 3 emails saying just that – you keep it and buy some cakes for the office.

Dumbass!

Ebay – I’m returning a top.  Would I consider taking a five quid discount and keeping the item?  

No pal. I don’t like it. It’s shit and not worth £1.99.  I want the whole £12 back and you can throw the crappy thing on the fire where it belongs.

Fooooooks saaaake!  What is the matter with everyone?

On a happier note on the International Day of Happiness or whatever it’s meant to be – had a phone message left today from youngest daughter’s maths teacher.  Praising her all new positive attitude to lessons and marked improvement on her work.

Nice! (and if you know my girl and the joys we’ve had over maths, then you’ll appreciate the enormity of this lovely phone call.)

Ciao Ciao XX

before-you-diagnose-yourself-with-depression-or-low-self-esteem-5863575

 

 

It’s ok to just be ok

Posted on

So.  I’ve had enough of trying to accommodate some people.  If people want to be my friend and be a good friend, then they know where I am. They know how to contact me.  I’m pretty much done with always being the one to make first contact.  People are busy I know. People have their own lives.  Sure. But it doesn’t take a moment to spare someone a thought and drop them a text, whatsapp or messenger or whatever.

With that in mind I know a couple of heads I need to reconnect with and I shall go old school and telephone them at the weekend.

Honest.

Meanwhile, I’ll go to school.  Teach my lessons as per my plans.  Change them as and when I need to.  I’ll mark, I’ll come home. I’ll go to bed. Sleep the sleep of the just – possibly unjustly. Or maybe I’ll lay awake pondering about life, the universe and everything. 

I’ll teach my swim classes on Thursdays and Fridays and hope nobody drowns and the parents don’t think I’m a complete fucktard.  If they rebook the classes then I’ll know I’m doing alright.  If they take their business elsewhere and I end up being asked to leave then I’ll know it’s not for me.

And that’s fine.  It’ll be what it’ll be.

Its-ok-not-to-be-perfect-quote

I’ll cook and clean and keep house and parent as best I can and that’s the way it will go week after week.

Every now and then I’ll do something different. Like on Saturday when I went to Chester and took my mum and sister out for afternoon tea for Mothers’ Day.

 


Nice.

Once in a while the planets will align and the gods and goddesses of all that is mysterious and magical will smile upon me and, after a pointless tiff with Bman,  he will apologise like this.

And that’s okay (although the spelling and grammar is NOT).
It’s okay to just be okay.

Xx

 

 

A year in the life…

Posted on

One year ago today I flidded out at the end of one shite working day too many. I was driven home by my friend in tears after ranting at the school secretary.  I sobbed on Bman and then took to my bed.

I then didn’t go back to work for 3 months.

Some people cared enough to keep in touch and come visit me.  Some sent love tokens.  Some sent not particularly helpful but nonetheless thoughtful texts of encouragement.  Some people did bugger all. Couldn’t even be fagged to send a text.  Maybe they didn’t give a shit.  Maybe they were scared of what to say, because people are afraid of mental health issues.  

My family were fab.  The usually reticent, emotionally stunted, least empathetic man I call my husband, was surprisingly caring and patient.  He didn’t want me to return to work at all but I’m too used to earning my own money to rely just on him to pay the bills.

I don’t think I was really aware of how low, crap, sad, worthless, tired and unhappy I was  in my life (mostly, but not limited to, my work) until I stopped feeling like that.

I won’t lie.  I sometimes feel myself slipping again.  Particularly in my work. Especially lately.  I do often feel like my soul is being sucked from me.

f2767746f2d5fc98f84ee89da56b245b

 

But I won’t let it beat me.

 

depression-negative-feelings

 

1778852_orig

 

People are a bit more open these days to hearing that you suffer from the Black Dog from time to time. Although of late it’s a lot more fashionable to have been touched up by a male co-worker or boss (Weinstein Effect) than to be a bit cuckoo.  I wonder what next year’s trend will be?  People will start coming forward to admit to secretly masturbating to Storage Wars or something. #Metoo (that’s not true BTW – I don’t!)

Don’t listen to me, I’m a bit mental remember.  (Just not quite at the juicy fruit stage yet!)


One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest


giphy

Stay happy y’all.  Life is short.

Xx