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Tag Archives: Farndale

Spooks and spills

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Ghosthunting season is back up on us.  Spent some hours raking about in the basements of Knottingley Town Hall on Friday.

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Wasn’t as keen on this one.  Even though we did manage to arrive on time this time.

The basement was good but I would have liked more time to wander around it.  Wasn’t as interested in the upstairs area, especially the part where two people in the circle seemingly had their hands raised in the air by unseen hands and remained there for 40 (that’s FORTY!) minutes while a man commanded by the power of St Michael, all that is holy and the power of Greyskull, for their hands to be lowered.  Linda and I were bored shitless so we broke the circle (“don’t cross the streams”). Rather than be allowed to perhaps go rogue at this point and do a little wandering or piss about on a ouija board, we had to sit /stand in the dark waiting for these sodding hands to be lowered.  I was very respectful but inside my head I was screaming “FFS put your bloody arms down you dozy cows”.

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Bored and sleepy, waiting for the arms to be lowered

So, despite the feeling that someone rather chilly was sat in my lap at one point in the cellar and that someone equally as chilly had walked through me during the stupid human pendulum, duck duck goose circle time – I wasn’t impressed with this one.

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Best part of night. These ‘Heaven’s Gate’ Nikes

Saturday morning I set off to Malton to meet Gill, as the rest of my Fam had gone to Farndale on Friday night while I was arsing about in the dark.  We had a most civilised luncheon in Malton and a float around the food fair.  I made purchase of some cheese, some pork pies for Bman and treated myself to two bottles of artisan cider brewed in Ryedale. 

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Civilised luncheon at a Tea Rooms

There were concerns that we may not make it all the way back to the house in the car due to the snow, but by the time we got into Farndale it was clear that most of it had gone.  However, there was still a bit of black ice. I discovered that the hard way when I got out of the car with 3 bags.  One second I was vertical, the next I was face down on the ground, laid in the mud, bleeding from where my chin broke my fall on a rock and now only in possession of one bottle of artisan cider. The other smashed to smithereens!

Ouch.

It really shook me up, I won’t lie.  Thank goodness I’ve got such a Desperate Dan chin to help break my fall.  Could have been worse.  Could have broken my nose or my cheekbone or lost a tooth and had to spend Saturday night at A&E – probably in Scarborough. Nightmare!

My broken face was a bit of a party killer and I ended up in bed by 10:30pm, so not the usual drunken shenanegins of a weekend in the Dales. But still a good laugh.  It’s only a shame that there was no video footage of me stacking it!

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How it looks today

 

The next day, as if I hadn’t hurt myself enough, I was pursuaded by my youngest to have a go at bareback horse riding.  Never having been on a horse, but always quite fancied it, I was game.  It wasn’t a very big horse. But it felt high to me.  I didn’t stay aboard for long before I panicked about falling again so I got off.  My youngest was like a natural though. Hopefully she won’t decide to take it up as a hobby.  I’ll be forced to steal one of the local piebald ponies that tend to wander freely around the neighbourhood and keep it in the garden.

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When we got home I fired up my remaining bottle of artisan cider and it was rank! I threw it down the sink.  Gutted!  It ended up costing me a fiver after the second one broke.

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Its half term now and I am ready for it.  Am about to head out to meet a friend for lunch.  Hopefully I won’t fall over on the way.

Ciao Ciao Xx

 

 

 

 

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New Year & the Queen is (not yet) dead

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So we’re a day into 2017 and it seems to be much the same old, same old. Multiple fatalities in shoot-ups and fires abroad. A 12-year-old killed on NYE in a hit & run in Oldham. (Shame on you driver. Turn yourself in and face your responsibilities).  Was fairly quiet round here.  I fell asleep watching a movie in bed with eldest child while Bman (who’d got a flyer from work so was home early) did his DJ bit downstairs.  I woke up after an hour and we all saw in the stroke of midnight together on the couch.   The TV offering was, as per, utter shite.  Robbie Williams and an indecent amount of money spent on fireworks, which could have been spent on the homeless. Or Jools Holland & whoever was still left alive to appear on the show  (I bet he had about 3 back-up lists).

I didn’t stay up much later than that.

I think, this year, I might put 50p in a jar every time I hear Bman talk (or sing) about having a shit! I reckon I could have enough for a holiday by March.  This morning’s rendition was something about “Though I walk through the valley of death, I shall shit no evil”. 

I bet you do though love.

Hell if I saved 50p everytime he took a shit aswell, I could retire by June.  The man needs specialist medical help or an industrial strength colonic or something.

Nurse!  The screens and a large wheelie bin please!

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Weighed myself this morning to see how much timber I’ve put on since we broke up. Only 1kg! So am all good to shovel a few more Quality Street today while we watch a family movie together – namely ‘Suicide Squad’. (Gone are the days of the likes of ‘Elmo saves Christmas’ or ‘Ice Age’).

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 *Festive family viewing

 

Have managed to arrange half a Crap Posse visit in February up to Farndale (with emergency liver transplant required for the next week no doubt).  

 Trying to sort Brighton but may need to just invite self, as cunty friend is unsociable and reclusive (or possibly is just avoiding me because I am annoying).
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eed a Scarborough visit too.  Sea air and appeasing the MiL & all that, although am sure that a fortnight with her in Florida in April should top up her piggy bank of grandchild time for the entire year!  

Have floated suggestion to Bman of implementing some kind of Date Night. He looked alarmed & lacking in enthusiasm but I’m working on it.  Am also working on tuning out the white noise of negativity & criticism this year. “La La La **fingers in ears** I cannot hear you. Your words will not dull my sparkle in 2017″.

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Got an appointment with dermatologist soon to have some moles checked out. Sure it will be fine but heads up that if it turns out to be terminal, shit’s gonna get real in 2017 because I won’t go quietly. I may take some of you down with me.  I’ll keep you informed y’all.

Ciao Tutti! Xx

*I quite enjoyed it actually

Don’t let my kids ever tell you I never do anything with them

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It is September 1st, there are 115 days until the C word and I go back to work the day after tomorrow, after 6 weeks off Рand what a 6 weeks! 

I’ve been to Farndale¬†& Saltburn; worked 2 festivals and attended another as a punter. ¬†I’ve been to Scarborough, Whitby & swimming a fair few times. ¬†Visited Manchester¬†& Chester; I’ve sat in the belly of a metal whale; masqueraded¬†as the Red Queen; soaked in a hot tub on a riverbank; climbed a giant dog turd in Stretford &¬†danced atop a pile of haybales¬†in a field in Northamptonshire.¬† I’ve met new friends; caught up with long lost¬†old friends after¬†far too long.¬† I’ve re-lived my lost youth and felt fantastic.¬†¬†On occasion I have also felt¬†about 89 years old!¬†¬† I’ve discovered new music and heard some amazing live acts & bands. ¬†I’ve laughed until I ached. I’ve cried buckets & felt¬† like I was at the bottom of the deepest darkest pit of shite, unable to climb back out (but I did).¬†¬† I’ve danced in the mud; I’ve chatted freely to semi-naked people covered in glitter; I’ve swirled around in other people’s detritus in the name of research & entered the 21st century with a touch-screen phone with Internet access (it’s the devils own handiwork I tell you – Witchcraft! Witchcraft!).¬† ¬†I’ve been to the movies 3 times and I’ve loafed on the sofa for a whole day watching ‘Murder She Wrote”.¬†¬† The excitement has been non-stop.

Well now it’s time to get back into¬†work mode and pretend to be an intelligent, highly organised, calm and sensible grown-up again ready to impart knowledge and wisdom on a future generation of young adults.

I’ll let you know how that pans out…

 

In other news: Blunkett refused seat at Paralympics¬† Rather mahoosive¬†social faux-pas.¬† Glad it’s not just me who fucks up on a grand scale then.

 

Also in home news, Bman tells me that at his work they are to be issued with new name badges which needn’t have their real names on. ¬†They can choose an alternative name, which has to be agreed with the powers that be.¬† Oh the possibilities…

Apparently the usual suspects e.g. Phil McAvity¬†and Phil McCreviss, have already been submitted (and rejected) but the potential for comedy is fabulous and too good an opportunity to miss.¬† All last night I was randomly interrupting conversation and TV¬†viewing¬†with things like;- “How about Lou Stools? or I.C. Uratwat”.¬†

Any suggestions worthy of mention, do feel free to leave a comment.¬† We have also been considering movie characters or musicians who aren’t too obvious.¬† We both liked Snake Plissken and Lux Interior but are doubtful they will pass the test.

In the meantime (while you think of names like ‘Mike Hunt’ and ‘Drew Peacock’) here are a few of my favourite pics of what I did on my holidays:-

  

Next thing to plan for: РHLTA course starting in October (work work work and how the Feck do I get across to the Harrogate Road side of Leeds by 0915) and hopefully our annual Halloween shizzle Рthis year am hoping for a Dia de los Meurtos theme to tie in with the date.  Sugar skull times!

Later dudes!  Xx

School’s Out!

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In the words of Alice Cooper:- “School’s out for Summer!”

Oh yeah!

Leavers assembly was a success.  Clear enunciation; a few tears, decent singing and a fab display of teamwork with the Men in Black dance routine to finish.

Bish. Bosh. Job done!

Nice!

Great haul¬†of giftage to take home also.¬†¬† ‘Gavin & Stacey’¬†box set, new T shirt, wine x3, bouquet of flowers, chocolates and smellies among other things¬† ūüôā

Weekend in Farndale was long overdue and most hospitable as ever.  Too much wine was drunk, but damn! I needed it after last week.  Sun shone Saturday morning and we managed (eventually)  to rally the troops to leave the sticks and spend the day on the coast at Saltburn by the Sea.

 

Mexican Chilli Chipstix – a taste sensation

Lazy day Sunday with a late lunch at http://www.lionblakey.co.uk/ to top it off before we headed back to the ghetto.¬† As we drove into Leeds we saw a car fully on fire at the side of the motorway.¬† Didn’t look as though anyone was still in it but emergency services were only just arriving as we passed it.¬† “Don’t look kids.¬† Don’t look!” (as they were glued to the window, rubbernecking.)

Went into work today to shift a few things around and put my bookshelf back in order (the mix up of authors and genres had been making me feel uncomfortable for over a week РI was starting to twitch every time I looked at it).  We then were treated to lunch by the Retiring Head as a thankyou for not sending him totally insane over the last few years (although not for the want of trying).  Bless him. 

A new era awaits in September!

Watch this space…