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in need of something but not sure what

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I was meant to be heading south this weekend to visit some pals and have a curry and some drinks.  There was even loose talk of getting hold of a “hot tug” and sailing it to Harlow, but I don’t think that came off.  Maybe next time, when it’s warmer.

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Stock Photo from Google Images

 

As it goes, I haven’t gone.  I started with the snots when I got back from Chester over the Easter Weekend, which was awesome by the way (the Easter weekend in Chester – not the snots).
I also had a clairsentient gut feeling that I should stay home & leave it til another time.  I’ve learned it’s best to pay attention to these things, so here I am.  At home. In the rain. Not ever wanting to see another Easter Egg in a long time and feeling rather cross at why people can’t just commit to a long planned arrangement or answer a text from time to time in a civil, unfacetious fashion.

I know everyone has their own little lives and shit but FFS!

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So what have I done instead?

    Ventured to Sadford Town to return a pair of silver Doc Martens.  Not mine I hasten to add.  Seems my eldest wants to go for the Gary Gliiter, Glam Rock aesthetic for her birthday this year.  It’s not ’til June, but these boots she wanted were on offer in Foot Asylum. 

Ordered them. They arrived.  But are neither the right size not the requisite shade of silver apparently.

FML!

Had one lovely spring-like day on Wednesday so ordered some new garden furniture.  Natch it has pissed down ever since.  Furniture currently clogging up the hallway and kitchen ready to be assembled.

Still no washing machine because the fucker needs yet more parts.  Bastarding Hotpoint.  ‘Oh we’ll replace your washer if it can’t be repaired’.  Repair dude just laughed at us and said that almost never happens.  It can be repaired….eventually….when he comes back for a third time on Wednesday.  That’ll be over 3 weeks since it initially broke.  I’m running out of neighbours to impose upon to wash my smalls, my mediums and my larges!

So anyway, the trip into Sadford, usually a cure-all when you’ve got the blues, did not help in any way whatsoever. It was like accidentally stumbling through the set of the Walking Dead.  Normally this type of thing makes me feel less inferior. Better about myself.  It could be worse etc.  Yesterday it just made me feel sad and full of gloom that I was doomed to die here. That I had failed as a mother and I had condemmed my offspring to a miserable life in a miserable place.

“Hello is that the Emergency St John’s Wort & Evening Primrose Oil hotline? I’d like to place an order please!”

The best part of the day was when I smuggled some tech into an allegedly haunted shop in my handbag, for a mini lone investigation, Sadly the recorder failed. Coinicidence? Supernatural? Or operator ineptitude?  You decide.  Either way, it had a most oppressive atmos (but did sell the most amazing bits, bobs, tat and oddments).  There was a man in there talking to the shopkeeper about his imaginary friends as she listened unjudgementally and with sound advice.   I may have found my spiritual home.

🙂

Boyes store however lit up my K2 device like a gay pride parade.  Too many mobiles on in the vicinity? Or it being so full of the elderly and infirm that the veil between this life and the next is ridiculously thin – the afterlife almost tangible through the smell of wee, lavender bags and the scent of decrepitude?  Again – you decide.

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from Google Images

 

I didn’t want to be one of those olds.  Complaining in the cafe upstairs in Boyes that the tomato soup was sold out, or that so and so hadn’t turned up today and did they think she might have died over the weekend.
But I also felt like I was skidding quickly towards being one of those people (but with less friends).

This time last year we were in Orlando, yet it doesn’t seem two minutes since we were only just planning it and it was 18 months away!

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Poss my fave pic from last year’s hol

 

Life is short.  Do stuff.  Fun stuff.  Sometimes wrong stuff.  But stuff. Be kind.  Be nice. Go out. Have fun. Make some memories to keep you warm when you’re waiting for death in a cafe above Boyes in Bradford and the soup is off and your mate hasn’t turned up.

 

                                         Gravitating towards the water, as per

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Back to reality…

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Well now you’re back. From outer space. – Well Florida in the good old U.S of A to be accurate.

I should write a comprehensive review of the entire holiday but to be honest, I can’t be fagged. Mostly because it will surely be the online equivalent of making people sit through a slideshow of your holiday photos in a darkened lounge.

Suffice to say. I had a lovely time. I was mostly relaxed, helped occasionally by prescription anxiety meds and despite gritted teeth at trying to explain things twelvty thousand times to family members who won’t or can’t listen.  


My husband and eldest daughter were twanged 100m into the air in a glorified garden chair.  We spent the evenings raccoon watching.  I almost trod on a snake and we were quite happy to hand over $5 for one ice-lolly at Disneyworld. We even saw Ant & Dec, who unsurprisingly, completely ignored us when we sang ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble’ at them.
I also now have biceps like Hulk Hogan from pushing the Mil around various attractions in a wheelchair. Lou & Andy style.

We have cornered the market in fridge magnets, eaten more shrimp than necessary, survived without any mozzie bites, met some princesses and pretty much decided that indeed it was the holiday of a lifetime – mainly because we never want to go on holiday together ever again.

😀

It remains to be seen how I will feel once reality of being back in Sadford kicks in.  I already miss the sun; loos that flush themselves, and the politeness and friendliness of the natives. 

I am not missing the decibel level of snoring from Bman, who scaled new heights of noisiness on American soil, to the point of waking himself up! Not sure what that was about. 

😦

Snaps to Kathy at Orlando airport for saving us from having a technical meltdown while trying to print out our boarding passes. And to the lovely Quentin at Brueggers in Philadelphia airport for patiently helping us get rid of our pockets full of American shrapnel.

Would I go again?  Yes. Although I doubt I will ever be able to afford it again.

So, close the curtains, make a cuppa and sit yourself in a darkened room and check out a select crop of my holiday snaps.

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One of the many pools at Westgate Lakes Resort

 

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That’s $10 of lolly right there

 

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Blues Brothers show at Universal

 

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My daughter & husband are up there!

 

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I want that one!

 

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Hulk ride at Universal

 

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not sure who this lot are – Disney Hollywood Studios

 

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This photo pretty much sums up these pair

Is it Halloween yet?

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So, how’s it going on the old positivity scale since my return to the coalface?

Well. Week 3 and I already feel like a shell of my summer holiday relaxed and calm self. A costume of a woman with a grimace of a smile dripping off my face at a rate of knots.  Nursery one minute, changing pants and the next I’m discussing the meaning of life (it’s 42 BTW) with Upper Keystage 2.  I have to check my diary at every changeover to check that I’m heading to the right class.

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Monies worth = out of me? Yes.  I think so.

The silver lining of this headwreck of a new role is that the extra wedge in my monthly pay means that I reckon I am good for paying for next year’s Griswold family jolly to WallyDisneyworld.  That’s if I’m not on a liver transplant waiting list from all the gin I may have to consume to get me through until then.

Meanwhile. On another topic.  Having had my IUD coil removed, my periods have started up again.  This is not good.  I’d forgotten how annoying they are and how much I want to eat chocolate in the lead up to all that.  This is playing havoc with my mission to shift 10kg of excess timber.  I may need to take up smoking again, or amphetamines or something.

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Pretty sure the Bman might overtake me on this weight loss gig as he’s been surviving on grout fumes and hard graft the past 2 weeks trying to finish off our new kitchen.  The kitchen we haven’t decided whether we like or not.  The worktop is already scratched.  The oven doesn’t match the rest. We’ve got a plumber coming out on Thursday to get to the bottom of the rank stench emanating from beneath the washing machine and the laminate floor still needs to be done and tiling to be finished.  He’s gone back to work this week for a rest!

I may blog some more in another 3 weeks if and when I can summon the energy.

Ciao for now dudes

Xx