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Lurgied up

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Bman’s birthday weekend was not quite the love-in he may have envisioned when I initially booked Weetwood Hall for a romantic getaway.  I came down with some kind of hideous Aussie/bird/porcine/alien (delete as appropriate) flu!  I couldn’t make it into work on Friday and stayed in bed sleeping (like a demented person apparently).  It was too late to cancel the hotel without paying the full fee so I insisted that we go anyway and at the very least I could die in someone else’s bed and Bman could get his monies worth from the all you can eat buffet breakfast.

It was less ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ and more ‘Only When I Laugh’.  They had switched us to a family room which included an extra single bed, so Bman spent the night in that, watching football while I sprawled my virus riddled body over the tiny double bed that both of us probably wouldn’t have fit in together anyway.


                                          Not sure who’s who or who the 3rd dude is?

Not quite the comedy swingathon, overpriced gin and extra person letting themselves in the room adventure that we had last year…But such is life.

Meanwhile. I am just about still alive but am full of snot. It’s horrible.  I would not wish it on anybody.  On Sunday afternoon I would happily have welcomed the Grim Reaper with open arms.  Only feeling marginally better now…but not much.



Not dead just yet

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First day in over a week that I haven’t felt ill.
On Friday I was convinced I had pneumonia. Was actually just the flu, but dear me! What a sorry shambles of a woman I was all last week. Lurching around work like something from The Walking Dead.

Managed to drag myself out yesterday to the cinema,as I’d promised the Childerbeast we’d go to see Mockingjay Part 2 as soon as it came out and we were already 3 days overdue.
Did enjoy it. Cried like a saddo. The Childerbeast were blubbing as well.


Just looking forward to Star Wars now next month. It better be bloody good or I’ll be crying at that too!


My head is so full of snot I can’t think of what to call this post

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I do have a cold.

This is not good news.  Today is Burns Night & I don’t want my Burns Supper spoiled by snotty tissues and the aroma of Vicks or trying not to piss myself whenever I sneeze.


Meanwhile, apropos of nothing I thought I would share this disturbing photograph a friend of mine put on Facebook.  I have not questioned its origin, although I did ask if she had been rifling through old pictures of my exes.

What the actual feck?

What the actual feck?

So many questions I probably don’t really want to know the answeers to.

Also,  please enjoy a glimpse of the last page of a book from school, which is now no longer on the bookshelves in Foundation stage.  Some of the kids round here are messed up enough without being exposed to this.

I'll bet they did!

I’ll bet they did!

That bear in the hat looks as though he has a great afternoon.  I suspect he may also be caned!


Yellow Wizard is about to die! Your lifeforce is running out!!

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Over a week ago I drifted into the arena of the unwell (in a Withnail style).  For reasons unknown, but in all likelihood due to unhealthy eating habits; work related stress and not getting enough sleep; I appear to still be in the arena (in full ringmaster attire no less!)

I made the error of checking the Information Superhighway for my symptoms and have decided (in my extensive medical opinion) that I’ve got bronchitis (as opposed to the many other illnesses, lurgies and fatal diagnoisis it could be – according to Google.)

Am thinking of painting a large cross on my front door to warn people off. 

Shares in tissues have skyrocketed over the last 10 days whereas those for Lemsip have plummeted, on account of it being shit and not working whatsoever!

So, illness, combined with not being able to get a look-in on the computer until the childerbeast have gone to bed and stopped playing *Minecraft, have kept me away from the blogging arena for a while.

 There are loads of things I’d like to say but my brain is too muddled at present to get it all down.
I had amusing tales to regale along the lines of
“This One Time..”, which included me being set upon by a gang of 80’s skanks and their henchmen, which left me emotionally scarred and too frightened to go out for months.  There was also one about Bman going to an under 18’s CB Club disco in one of those shiny nylon Jungle Book T shirts*** that were des-rigueur in the late 70’s & the time he got beaten up at a different disco for wearing a Ghostbusters shirt but… I forget the point now, so instead I think I’ll aim for another early night and try and sleep this lurgy off.


* a geeks game where you build shit out of different coloured blocks.  This is very exciting apparently but I have yet to see the **appeal.

**  To be fair it keeps them off the streets and at least they’re not playing GTA where they’d be stealing cars and paying hookers for tricks.

*** see also Star Wars, Rescuers, Winnie the Pooh – you know the ones I mean?

Here in body if not in mind

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Well nothing says “you’re ill babe, take some time off work” like sneezing so bloody hard that you piss your pyjama bottoms! 


Can’t blame poor pelvic floor muscles for this one – my sneezes were gargantuan and crept up on me like a rapist in an alleyway.  Forget pelvic floor – these bad boys blew the frigging doors off – never mind the floor!


Hello? Anyone seen my dignity?  Last seen sometime around 2003. 


May as well just make with the tartan rug, a purple turban hat and dangle lavender bags off my tit ends and call it a day – old lady styleeee!


                                                    pictures from google images


Am just about on the road to recovery although after a day back at PTCF, dressing childerbeast up as elves, fairies & bogeymen, my head feels like it’s full of cotton wool & I have no doubt that I shall be in bed within the hour.  Someone wake me up when Christmas dinner is about to be served please!