What’s been occurring people?
I had an appointment this week for an echogram scan thingumy on the old ticker. No need for alarm parent dudes – just an MOT. This is what I do for a hobby now that I work part time – go for random medicals tests I’d never get chance to do if I was still working at school, because a granted Leave of Absence form only appeared every hundred years (like Brigadoon).
Of course, only I could be having a scan thing to check my heart rate when the frigging fire alarm goes off at St Lukes! “Should I be worried about that alarm?” I asked, as I lay there covered in wires and stickers on my bare chest. “No no, it’s fine says the nurse, we only need to worry if it changes pitch”. I try to ignore the very loud alarm and keep a calm steady heart rate. The alarm doesn’t stop so nurse says she’ll pop outside to check. She draws the curtain around me and leaves me there as I listen to the shouts of people in the corridor yelling “Everybody out!”
If this was a horror movie I would have eventually unpeeled my stickers and unplugged myself from the machine and wandered outside to find everyone had been taken up by the rapture, beamed up by aliens or reduced to a zombified state. I expected nursey to crash back into the room and eat my face off any second.
When she did return I held my breath to see if she began to snarl but no, all was well and she continued with the examination asking if I was ok? “Sure, cool as a cucumber” I replied with a whiff of sarcasm.
She dutifully carried on and finished the exam before allowing me to go. Alarm still blaring, through the now empty corridors and out into the carpark, where I was greeted by about a hundred staff and patients all looking at me like I was a hostage being released from a siege. (Before, you wonder – I had got dressed and wasn’t striding outside with hospital gown flaring open and bosom akimbo!)
Later in the week after a couple of days of horrendous rain and unseasonable cold it was eldest offspring’s Prom! Even with fancy pants nails and hair (thank you Shona Louise Bradley at Natural Beauty and Gemma at Lil Gemz) we got off lightly expense wise. No ludicrously expensive dress, fake tans, limos or house destroying after-party.
She looked just lovely in her mini dress and silver doc martens even though I am biased of course.
I’m just glad it went well and she enjoyed herself and it is now over! Now I can stop my mind running off course and imagining all sorts of horrors happening. Terrorists deciding to strike a blow for their religion of choice by taking it out on a room full of 16-year-olds. Or disgruntled students plotting some ghastly revenge. Buckets of pigs blood. Telekinetic meltdowns, that sort of thing…
No prom queen crown but I think this award is probably better …
She’s meant to be going on some citizenship scheme thing on Sunday which we booked back in November for £20. Essentially they all go off to Jonestown or Waco or similar with Jimmy Savile and Gary Glitter to learn how to plant vegetables, cook, paddle canoes, get washed downstream whilst being led by YTS volunteers and paedophiles, while we have paid for the privilege.
This was meant to be some last hurrah for them all after their exams had finished and they parted to attend different Sixth Forms. Naturally, being 16-year-old girls, their ideas have changed and some of them aren’t even speaking to each other. So she’s changed her mind and isn’t going.
I’m kind of glad TBH. Then I don’t have to wonder if she’s being molested in her sleep in a hostel somewhere in Shrewsbury, or that the last we see of her is when she boards a bus before being shipped off to an eastern European sex slave cartel.
Meanwhile, the weather has changed and it’s been a scorcher. Don’t be a dick – slap on some sunscreen and drink some water!
Ciao Ciao XX