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Tag Archives: Glastonbury

Warm cider, glitter & damp clothes

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I could write about the historical political events of the day but I’ll leave that to the rest of the Internet. ¬†To those who really know what they’re talking about (& plenty who don’t!).

It’s Glastonbury time again!

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Let’s simulate our own festival vibe by drinking warm cider all day, glittering our regions, not having a shit for a week and listening to music we wouldn’t usually entertain.

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Did think about putting one of the tents (I have a selection) up in the garden, lighting the firebowl and camping out with the kids, but the eldest basically told me to stick that idea, and the weather forecast suggests thunder storms. So… I changed my mind. ¬†Think I’ll just stick to the sofa with my Strongbow and wait for ZZ Top.

Keep getting messages from Shambala Festival announcing what’s happening there in August. ¬†We’re not going this year as we’re Tenerifing en famille instead, but I’m a bit sorry about that now. ¬†A hall of mirrors area. What could go wrong there when the *acid kicks in? ¬†Lol.

My girls have both said they want to go to Glastonbury when they’re older. Fine by me. They’ll have a great time. They’ve been built up gently over the years, helping me crewing and have become immune to most things peculiar and unusual.

Bearded men in drag.  Not bothered.  Women in sequined nipple tassels. Barely batter an eyelid.  Near-naked, rollerskating men in Mexican wrestling masks. Unfazed.  Staying up way past bedtime, eating wood-fired pizza in the woods while mum sips tequila from a pink sparkly hipflask. On it!

So instead of going to Glasto or Shambala, I will share with you some of our adventures under canvas over the years via the medium of jpeg

You had to be there.

Maybe you should come along next year. Fancy dress optional. Leave inhibitions at home. BYO tequila.

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Ramones Tee. Essential.

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How they sleep so soundly astounds me.

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Roller disco. Standard!

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Read this as The Rapies after too many ciders. Thought it was a band.

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Youngest’s first festy

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Tent’s up. Cider open

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Goodnight Utopia, thanks for having us.

*not me or the kids on acid obviously. ¬†I’m too old for that shit anymore & they’re waaaaay too young.

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Festivals are a bit like Marmite

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I wrote all this out yesterday but them somehow managed to delete it during the editing process.  Laptop operator ineptitude, clearly!

In¬†the words of King George VI;¬† “Fuck, fuck, bugger, fuckity fuck fuck, shit, bugger and tits!”

I forget what the post was about to be honest.¬† I’ve had a sleep since then.¬† Basically it was about my having watched Glastonbury again this year from the sanctuary of my own bed.¬† Hot and cold water laid on and lavatory facilities to hand that don’t involve an arduous hike through fields and a guy ropes.
I’ve yet to attend Glastonbury and every year I say I will go – ¬†but then can’t be arsed.¬†

Oh my Christ! Feck that!

Oh my Christ! Feck that!

No stranger to the¬†hygiene-impaired portaloo, I’ve attended a few festies in my time.¬† Indeed the childerbeast have pretty much been to at least one a summer, either as crew or punters for the past 6¬†years, as my regular readers will know.¬† We missed out last year but our ‘living space’ will be out in force this summer.¬† Fairy-light bedecked and camping stove fired up to turbo.¬† I will do my usual and hate it the first night and swear I will never attend one again.¬† Then I will quickly turn feral and start free-dancing in a yurt with a yoga guru called Tabby or Tristan.¬† The childerbeast will beg to go to bed and I will berate them for being dull and make them skank in the reggae tent in their pyjamas till the wee small hours or watch inappropriate films, accompanied by weird men playing tunes on old bicycle parts.¬† I shall openly discuss buying a camper van and retiring from the world to travel the countryside, home-schooling my children.¬†¬† This idea will last approximately 48 hours and then I will recover my sleep patterns and have detoxed and normal stagnant reality will resume anew and¬†I will pack away my poncho and hat for another year.

My girls have seen some sights bless them (and I don’t just mean their mother dressed as a witch, still mashed up on tequila, laid prone in the tent doorway.)¬† I think taking them to music festivals (and yes I do screen them from the unnecessary sights) will make them more tolerant and well-rounded individuals as they grow up.¬† Either that, or they’ll end up as nutty as their mother – it could go either way…

Before long they too will be going to these things on their own and falling asleep in an empty marquee then waking up in the full throes of someone’s set, surrounded by people dancing around them.*

I think the festival appeals to my eclectic taste in fashion.¬† If I could get away with the short shorts, wellies and poncho combo every day at work, I probably would.¬† Generally, Management & the Inspectors take a dim view of that kind of thing though, so I try to make an effort.¬† Went in my slackydaks today as I was out on a sports thing.¬† It’s been a while – I felt a bit like I was at work in my pyjamas to be honest.¬† I may not have gone into work wearing them had I known we weren’t setting off until 11:30 and the school inspector was in!¬† She didn’t see me so it was okay!

Meanwhile, do enjoy some snaps of festivals past…

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Capacity crowd at 0900hrs

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charging up my phone via pedal power

 

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Waiting for DJ Yoda

  

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Don’t ask….

 

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Mini Crew Members

Mini Crew Members

 

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* It was 1996, before I had children, s0 no need to call Childline!

 

 

 

Sunday bollocks

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Would it be indecent to crack open the tequila in light of the fact that Mexico are playing this afternoon? 


I tell you what is indecent…
the sight of Adrian Chiles channelling the Ray Mears look with the khaki shorts and legs splayed open.  I may well have to pour tequila, salt and lemon into my eyes, never mind down my throat!
Most indecent!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bw5zaiRlnM

I switched over in the end to watch Glasters going gaga for Dolly.

 

 

Festy hell? (or just well jell?)

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Glastonbury.

I’m no stranger to the festival so I shouldn’t knock one I’ve never attended. ¬†Too much of the CBA attitude for me though if I‚Äôm honest. ¬†It just looks too massive and it‚Äôs on in term time so I‚Äôd have no chance of getting the time off anyway.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† However… I had high hopes for this years BBC coverage. ¬†My Glasto¬†app was downloaded¬†to my phone (and to the Bear‚Äôs iPad). ¬†I could stream the entire MoFo¬†from the comfort of my own bed¬†and immerse myself in the full virtual experience with a¬† mug of tea in hand and no possibility of having to share my ablution space with 30,000 campers (or trustafarian¬†Hoorays¬†with plastic flowers in their perfectly coiffured hair).

If I’m honest though I felt slightly ripped off.

Sadly lacking in enough¬†‘behind the scenes’ weird and wonderful of the Shangri-La¬†area and the ‚Äėhippy‚Äô shit for my liking and if I saw the feedback fest of those young lads from Ireland (Strypes?) I saw them a dozen times!¬†Feck off!


What I did see on prime time viewing was a selection of¬†generic, carefully crafted ‚Äėjust got out of bed‚Äô barnetted acoustic jockeys. All doubtless spawned in the same lab as Ed Sheeran and that odd-faced little fella who married Roald Dahl‚Äôs grand-daughter.¬†

¬†Also –¬†Example?¬† Chase & Anus?¬† Professor ‚ÄėI‚Äôm not Eminem but think I am‚Äô Green?¬† ¬†Really?

Bejesus!

 Thank christ for Public Enemy (though lacking a certain edge without Flav and a bit weird with Chuck D urging everyone to Tweet him).  #Prophetsofrage ?

The S1W’s¬†looked more like they’d been securing the biscuit barrel for their own ends rather than securing the First World over the last 20 years¬†if I’m brutally honest… (but I can talk!)
Also great to see the Stones out of cryogenic stasis long enough to strut about a bit before the Deep Heat wore off and they had to be returned to their hermetically sealed Winnebago before sun-up.

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What better way to drift off to sleep on a Sunday night though than to listen to the dulcet tones of Bobby Womack (and his amazing voiced daughter too!)
And all without having to trudge back to tent city with a couple of bailing kids trailing behind me, mithering me for late night chips.

I think the older artists rocked it personally  РThe Stones, Portishead, P.E, Seasick Steve, Tom Tom Club, Kenny fecking Rogers FFS!!

Maybe next year I’ll go (but probably not‚Ķ.)

I’ve nicked this from a friend on FB, who shared it from The Guardian’s Grace Dent.¬† (Same friend also¬†summed it all up for me with his status which read:-

¬†“The One Show – Live from Galstonbury – I despair!” – which made me chuckle no end.

Guardian – Grace Dent – Spare me your Glasto vibes

I can sympathise and I know my childerbeast can.  They will no doubt need therapy in years to come, as the subconscious memories resurface of me, going the full Kinetic two-Step in my wellies and poncho to Inner City last year at Magic Loungeabout, whilst urging them to join in.

We’re going on a proper holiday this year kids.¬† I promise.¬† (So OK it’s still self-catering but at least we’re don’t need to¬†queue up to shit in a portaloo!)

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Remember though campers.  These opinions are mine and mine alone (apart from the people who feel the same way of course).
I love a good festival as much as the next man but sometimes the nation forgets that there are dozens of others going on every year that are just as good but never get the airplay.¬† Just because they haven’t got Bruce Forsyth as a novelty act or a bunch of 70’s year olds gyrating about in skinny jeans and presented on TV by vacuous liggers pretending to have a real job.

Am I jealous?  I might be a little bit. (But a lot of it still looked and sounded crap).

I should perhaps post ‘Don’t Belive the Hype’ but instead I am going for ‘Fight The Power’:- (One of my favourite tracks ever – and I will always be amused at the memory of doing the ¬†washing up with the kids to this on Y6 residential earlier this year!)

Thanks to The Independent and my old backpacking recycling pal – David Rankin

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Some of us have been being ironic for years Ta very much

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Saw this spoof article on FB, which made me smile. new-festival-aimed-directly-at-twats¬†¬†(it should also possibly read ‘Twats¬†who get shitfaced¬†on Pimms¬†while they leave the 17 year old au pair in the kids zone with the children’)

“It’ll be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man” – bloody brilliant!

¬†¬†¬† But does it sell glittery candyfloss?¬† Is there a mystical Ewok¬†Village that only appears after midnight?¬† Do bearded trustfund¬†crusties¬†drink themselves into oblivion for 72 hours straight then have to call out the AA to get their Audi from out of the mud in the VIP parking region?¬† Does the organiser, Simeon Spunkton¬†Rochester Chomondley Smythe III, not allow the workers to have a water tap because “They can buy their own drinking water at the on-site Eco Supermarket“.¬† Thanks but I don’t need a cocktail butler to serve me as I lounge in a deckchair¬†under a ¬£39 gazebo from B&M’s that I’ve paid ¬£200 a day for the privilege¬†of, while I watch the flipping Grumbleweeds.

I might have fairy lights on the outside of ¬†my tent and a menagerie of inflatable birdlife¬†and mirrorballs¬†dangling within, I may have once had a zebra skin rug carpeting my tent (now in¬†a skip somewhere),¬†but paying ¬£5 ¬†for a ‘Hand Raised’ pie when there’s perfectly good 3minute¬†noodles to be boiled in a billycan, is a step too far my friend.¬†

I love a good Festie¬†as you well know, but these days they’re letting anyone into a field with their hastily purchased Lichfield pop-up & a Celia Birtwell¬†sleeping bag.¬† I blame Glastonbury for¬†that whole application for tickets malarkey¬†and don’t get me started¬†with on-site¬†Cash Machines and FFS leave the bloody curling tongs at home and just enjoy going a bit feral for a couple of days!

 

'animal' PJs & a poncho - it's the future