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Tag Archives: half term

We’re off to never-never land

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Been a while.  Sorry. I’ve been very busy training to better myself. 
I spent half-term week travelling to Skipton every day, having to get up earlier than I would on a work day. A 40 minute train journey then a 20 minute walk (very nice, along the canal thank you) to a hotel, where I spent the day, every day with 9 strangers, training to be a bona-fide swimming instructor.  In the morning – death by Powerpoint trying to train my brain to remember lots of stuff about human anatomy, numbers of vertebrae and different swim strokes, techniques & density of different types of water etc.  In the afternoon – poolside or in the water, trying not to annoy the hotel residents as we tested our teaching styles on each other under the eagle eye of our tutor.

There was laughter, lots of eye-rolling, some tears and panics. Lots of cups of lukewarm tea and coffee.  An impromptu science lesson on how leaving a pasty in front of the window in the weak October sunlight will not, in fact, cook it  (don’t ask). And I have a new adopted 17 year old daughter and two new 16 year old swim teaching colleagues who have, between them, changed my view on the general uselessness of teenagers today.

Despite the distraction of being assessed on Friday by not one, not two, but three other tutors (one of whom was indecently attractive), we all passed!  I can now pluck casualties from the water and teach anyone to swim (not just in a school setting).  Bring it on (and way to go me!)

Knackering week – but well worth it.


On Saturday I went to see Metallica with my brother. Yeah you heard me – Metallica!  I won’t lie, despite liking some of their old stuff, I wasn’t sure I could deal with 2 hours of them live.  But I could and I did.  It was an amazing show. We loved it!  They even did a quick rendition of ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ and some Joy Division as a bit of an homage to Manchester.


Top night!  Well worth it.

Lovely Sunday morning spent with the Fam at my sister’s, celebrating my mum’s birthday and then back to Sadford ready to get back to the grindstone.

Only 7 weeks until we break up again.

Not that I’m counting…




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Killer week at the office which, for legal reasons, I cannot go into detail about.  4 day week has felt like a fortnight of solid working.  We’ve broken up for a fortnight now and oh my days do I need this!


On the upside, I came home with gifts.  Cider, flowers, a hand-made 50’s style pinny and some catnip mice (we collect the new kitten tomorrow, which is why that gift was most thoughtful and not completely random).  I was also commended and complimented from on high on my interpersonal skills – and that doesn’t happen every day.    Or at all.   Ever!

Non relaxing start though to the break when I got home when eldest child tootled off to her mate’s for a sleepover but failed to follow my one remit of texting me when she got there.
Not answering her phone.  Not replying to texts from me, or her sister or her dad.  I was 5 minutes away from getting Bman to drive me round there to check she’d arrived, when I eventually got a call.  Only got that after contacting friend to get her own daughter to give her a gentle nudge.  Am pretty sure her mates could hear me as I went full on Harry Potter ‘Howler’ style after she profusely apologized for ‘forgetting to call’.  I suspect she won’t forget next time if I ever let her leave the house again!

Mum, if you’re reading this I do not know how you survived our teenage years without knowing where we were half the time.  I do appreciate the need for keeping in radio contact. (We still ‘3 rings’ our mum whenever we go anywhere).

 May as well warn you in advance that as of tomorrow I will mostly be posting pictures of the kitten so you may as well switch off for a while.


Half term. Full throttle.

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So the start of this half term week mostly consisted of shrieks of joy, whoops of delight and my mouth being wide open. Either at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, or at the dentist having a check-up.  Consequently I now have tonsillitis but wasn’t going to let that stop me doing it all again this weekend at Alton Towers.   Have been waiting for both childerbeast to be tall enough for all the rides so I can get my moneys worth.  I booked an overnight stay at Splash Landings Hotel back in February & this was going to pretty much be our Griswold family holiday this year, as Bman’s holidays haven’t coincided with any of our school holidays this year.  We were having fun whatever the cost, tonsillitis or no tonsillitis.


It’s been over 15 years since I went last and about 30 years since Bman went.  The Corkscrew was the main ride when he was there last so we were doing the Big Six Challenge for sure. 

Piece of cake.  I can shit the Big Six for breakfast (but you can keep the Ripsaw.  I can’t deal with the hanging upside down).

Nemesis = ridden it loads of times

Oblivion = not holding on when you drop for full ‘rad’ freefall effect

Air = weird sensation when the floor gives way and you tip up…but lots of  fun. Try & get front seats.

Rita = opportunity for quality ‘ride face’ when you set off at 100mph. Arms in the air but try not to lose a hand!

Thirteen = wish I hadn’t know about the ‘surprise’ at the end

The Smiler = if the insanely bonkers queuing system & continuous la la la, da da dah music doesn’t send you round the twist before you get on, then the 14 loops and sheer vertical track climb certainly will.  This ride may well trigger early 90s acid flashbacks. Enjoy!

Managed to get my youngest on 5 of the 6 by our second day in the park.  Only missing The Smiler because the queue on day 2 was too long and we CBA.  Not bad going at all for a girl who was only persuaded to ride the Big Dipper on Blackpool Pleasure Beach at the start of the week after a lot of badgering.  She’s gone from wimpy kid to Bodhi from Point Break in the space of 6 days.

Proud times.

Be dauntless lil dude

Be dauntless lil dude




Marmalized by The Smiler

Marmalized by The Smiler


Even this duckling is keen to join the line for The Smiler

Even this duckling is keen to join the line for The Smiler

Almost same look I had on my face when I 1st rode the Nemesis

Almost same look I had on my face when I 1st rode the Nemesis


new 2015 family photo

new 2015 family photo


Do not try logging on to this app whilst walking up steps or you may die

Don’t try logging on to this app whilst walking up steps or you may die


Fortunately there are no photos of me tripping over my own jeans going up the steps to the Nemesis. Smacked my knees, landed on my phone (as it bounced out of its supposedly protective case), cracking the screen in the process!

FFS woman!  As my old mate Moodo said.  “Try master walking up steps before attempting the Big Six babe.”


Gave Bman & the other people in the line behind me a good laugh anyway.

Also no pictures of me & Bman laid out on the bed like bloated whales after taking full advantage of the all you can eat buffet at Flambos Exotic Feast.  Belly buster times.  Like I said, we do like to get our moneys worth. 

Back to work tomorrow. Without my bezzy, who’s abandoned me to go work in a seaside school that has surf lessons for Year 6s and overlooks the beautiful west cliff of Whitby… well you would if you could wouldn’t you?
Who’s going to help me keep my big head & even bigger gob below the radar now?

Watch this space.


New toys and malaise

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So I finally bought a new camera yesterday.  The past 24 hours have mainly consisted of my being up in my family’s grill and mumbling things like “No No No, not that setting!” or “Man alive! I don’t want it on disco pop mode!”

Here are a few of my test shots.

Us laughing at how long it took R to take this shot

Us laughing at how long it took R to take this shot


Degu playtime

Degu playtime

G-Meister.  Still alive!

G-Meister. Still alive!

A takes a better shot than R

A takes a better shot than R


Looking forward to firing off several hundred more shots on Saturday at my niece’s 3rd birthday party.



The half term is almost over and essentially this week I have done nothing constructive. Well, we have been swimming twice and the second time we did walk to the pool.  I have also done some rudimentary planning for next term, so it hasn’t all been total bone-idleness.  I did think yesterday that I was coming down with a cold but the minute I mentioned this to Bman he immediately took it from me via osmosis and I now feel fine.  He, of course, has developed the Man-Flu according to a text I got from him earlier – an illness so strangely virulent that it can render the patient chronically decrepit, yet does not appear to affect their ability to complain about how ill they are or make random, loud & attention-seeking man noises.  I await his return from work with the kettle on permanent boil for Lemsips.



Retro drinks are the new Jagerbombs

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Finished off my half term break with a visit to Chester.  Great to see sib-dudes as usual and get a little lively in the pub with old friends.
Always fun to fuck with the landlord’s head and order ever more obscure and outdated drinks, then question his lack of maraschino cherries.

Martini Rosso’s all round and a Crispy Pancake on the side if you would, kind sir!



Just for ‘Lyns’, ‘Noops’ & ‘Herrarin’ here is a link, as promised, to the 1970’s Public Information film – ‘Apaches’   Be warned though!  It is way more disturbing than, erm….’Chorlton & the Wheelies’.  LOL!





Meanwhile, in a news week of bloody clashes in the Ukraine and hailing the British success at mopping the floor at the winter olympics. I prefer news stories like this one:-  Young Apprentice.
These young ladies should be on the next series of ‘The Apprentice’ for sure.  Enterprising genius!

Supersize Me

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It’s half-term.  And not before time!

There’s a certain sense of – well, I don’t know if it’s irony or the fates laughing in my face – that on Monday evening, a gigantic asteroid will hurtle dangerously close to Earth:- (Huge asteroid due to fly past Earth)  and I shall be holed-up in a Quality Inn in Birmingham with my MiL and the childerbeast!

We shall be stuffed to the gills by then on chocolate after our day out at Cadbury World so perhaps it’s just as well.  The world may end before the fat can reach my hips, face and buttocks.
Not that I thought I’d meet my demise in a budget hotel in the Black Country with my head down the toilet from pigging out on Chocolate Buttons and Curly Wurlys.

Before then though,  I am spending an evening away with the Bman for Valentines.



#tinnedpeaches  #bottledwater

No place for vaginas in choir & why is no-one panic buying pasties?

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Abandoned school rather quickly at the end of the day today, as the floor was littered with popcorn and I feared the ire of the caretaker (which sounds like it could have been the original title for that song by Survivor from the movie ‘Rocky’).

Better popcorn litter though than the avalanche of diagrams of vaginas that spewed onto the floor during my Choir session the other day infront of some startled looking Y3’s.  [Note to self:  Make Gene Genie keep in-tray tidy, or report her to the HSE for a Working at Height safety violation]


Sing up kids & ignore those pictures on the floor please


Speaking of HSE – this is what happens if you pay too much heed to MP’s (and forget to step away from the stove whilst siphoning petrol from one vessle to another)

Been on half term for 3 hours and I’ve heard the phrase “I’m bored, I’ve nothing to do” about 7 times already.    It may be a very long 2 weeks….