RSS Feed

Tag Archives: half term

Fun after dark & that time I was saved by lesbians

Posted on

Last weekend I spent Saturday night raking about in the dark at a medical museum in Leeds that used to be a workhouse back in the mists of time.

What energies could possibly be lurking about there then?

Imagine my geeky joy when the company running this after hours event uttered the magic words;

“Feel free to go off on your own, just as long as you let us know roughly where you’re headed”

Get in!!


So, a ghost hunt, in the dark; free reign to wander with my equally geekish pal, and it was in a museum full of bizarre medical implements with a buffet laid on to boot.

What is not to like there?   Cue such phrases as; “I’m quite partial to an iron lung”,Ooooh trepanning” and “let’s pretend we’re in an Isis video”.



That time I helped Karl Pilkington amputate a leg



That time we pretended to have been captured by Isis


Good times.

  The next day I took a wander up the road to the store.  When I got there I realized I didn’t have my phone. I thought perhaps I’d left it at home.  I retraced my steps anyway but no joy.  No luck at home either.  What a pain!  Rang the mobile company to suspend the account while youngest rang the phone just in case anyone had it.

They did!

She passes the phone to me and I hear a masculine voice say “Remember them two lesbians you passed on the bridge?”  I remembered passing two girls who looked as if they were doing the Sunday morning walk of shame home.  I wondered why this dude on the phone was bringing them up??

“Well that’s us”, says the ‘dude’.

Ah. Now I see.

It seemed they had seen me motor past them in a hurry.  My phone must’ve slipped from my hoodie pocket.  They saw it on the ground and picked it up.  Shouted me (but I had headphones on, lost in the Metallica zone).  They tried running after me, but both had massive chunky platform shoes on.  They couldn’t find me at B&M or Morries (because I was in Iceland) so when they got home they put an appeal out on FB to locate the phone owner.  Of course, I sacked FB off last year (very soul cleansing – I recommend it!)

Anyhow, seems they live down the road on the council estate so I said I’d go round and pick it up.
I made youngest come with me (eldest was out) just in case I got sex-trafficked (more likely she would TBH) or if they were homicidal lesbians, who lure victims to their killing lair by taking their phone hostage.

Turns out, they were good people.  There are actually some out there.  Who knew?
I gave them each an Easter egg as a thank you (had bought them for workmates – so pardon about that!)   I also offered them a tenner reward but they wouldn’t take it.

So, no need to get a new phone.  No need to get it blocked. And I got out of the ghetto down the road without too many shouts of “Hya Miss!”  Man am I glad I don’t live down there – for more reasons than just avoiding students I teach.

A good weekend indeed.


On half term now and thank fuck for it!  I was about at the end of my last nerve.  Definitely need two weeks off for Easter. 

 This is probably the best thing that will be on TV over the Easter weekend though.  They just don’t make shows like, ‘Easter with Liberace’ anymore…probably just as well.


Pretty sure this is where they got the idea for Donnie Darko

Ciao Ciao & be kind y’all.




The end (of the hols) is nigh

Posted on

Found the cat taking great interest in the two man bobsleigh today. He had his feet up against the TV stand, transfixed and trying to look behind the TV every time the sleigh went round a corner. 

This prompted a conversation about cats taking part in Olympic sports.

And this most excellent of Photoshop effort from youngest Childerbeast.


The end of half term is upon us and not only is it the dreaded ‘back to work eve’ (aka Sunday) 😟 but it’s ‘back to work after a week off’ eve 😵


Bman is at work. Youngest is at her pal’s and going to a gig no less this evening. (Check your exits, stay near your pal’s dad, no booze, no drugs, text me when you get back to your pal’s).  Meanwhile the eldest and I are embracing the Year of the Dog by having a Chinese take-out later.

I might treat myself before that and do the ironing with a glass of the lovely bison grass vodka my mate brought me back from Poland.

Ciao Tutti Xx

Procrastination is the thief of time

Posted on

Half term is almost over and I have achieved very little other than winning at being a lazy bastard and waiting for my chin to heal up, while I googled things like – “Can you damage your brain by banging your chin?”.  (Yes, apparently you can).  

We did have pancake day, which was a success mainly because Bman was home to be a top tosser.  Allie’s friend slept over and was also party to the pancake tea.  The next day was Valentines Day. There was no romantic meal out, or sex of any kind, but I did get lots of flowers and a shower curtain (don’t ask). Also a decent cooked tea and I got Bman a bottle of good gin, which is of course a gift designed for the two of us.

We went out en famille for Allie’s early birthday tea on Thursday to Pieminister.  Her choice. Not mine, although of course I was delighted at this choice.  I almost went for the double-pied ‘Tower of Power’ but thought it could be a pie too far in one sitting, so opted for a Mothership instead.

He is called Kevin and he is all mine

On Friday me and the Childerbeast did venture to Manc to have lunch with my bro and sis and the niecelings.  Good job it was payday as the offspring stiffed me for jackets, boots and other miscellaneous crap in Primark and Lush.  I only went in to get some work clothes, but didn’t get anything for myself other than a bra.  In fairness it was a good purchase for a fiver.  Harnesses the old lills rather nicely indeed. Crackin’ in fact.

I did manage to get myself a new swimsuit and rash vest for my upcoming new venture – teaching swimming after school two evenings a week. Yaaas! Getting paid for being in the water. Nice.

Channelling the old skool raver look here, albeit in lycra a couple of sizes larger than back in the day.

Today I had plans to get up and crack on with a half term’s worth of planning but have basically spent the day procrastinating.  I sorted my wardrobe. Sat in bed and finished my book.  Had a snooze, then got sucked into watching ‘The Guns of Navarone’.  Now I’m writing this and soon it will be teatime. It’s burger Saturday but I’m flying in the face of convention and having a fish finger butty instead – because that’s how I fucking roll MoFo!

Rave on!







We’re off to never-never land

Posted on

Been a while.  Sorry. I’ve been very busy training to better myself. 
I spent half-term week travelling to Skipton every day, having to get up earlier than I would on a work day. A 40 minute train journey then a 20 minute walk (very nice, along the canal thank you) to a hotel, where I spent the day, every day with 9 strangers, training to be a bona-fide swimming instructor.  In the morning – death by Powerpoint trying to train my brain to remember lots of stuff about human anatomy, numbers of vertebrae and different swim strokes, techniques & density of different types of water etc.  In the afternoon – poolside or in the water, trying not to annoy the hotel residents as we tested our teaching styles on each other under the eagle eye of our tutor.

There was laughter, lots of eye-rolling, some tears and panics. Lots of cups of lukewarm tea and coffee.  An impromptu science lesson on how leaving a pasty in front of the window in the weak October sunlight will not, in fact, cook it  (don’t ask). And I have a new adopted 17 year old daughter and two new 16 year old swim teaching colleagues who have, between them, changed my view on the general uselessness of teenagers today.

Despite the distraction of being assessed on Friday by not one, not two, but three other tutors (one of whom was indecently attractive), we all passed!  I can now pluck casualties from the water and teach anyone to swim (not just in a school setting).  Bring it on (and way to go me!)

Knackering week – but well worth it.


On Saturday I went to see Metallica with my brother. Yeah you heard me – Metallica!  I won’t lie, despite liking some of their old stuff, I wasn’t sure I could deal with 2 hours of them live.  But I could and I did.  It was an amazing show. We loved it!  They even did a quick rendition of ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ and some Joy Division as a bit of an homage to Manchester.


Top night!  Well worth it.

Lovely Sunday morning spent with the Fam at my sister’s, celebrating my mum’s birthday and then back to Sadford ready to get back to the grindstone.

Only 7 weeks until we break up again.

Not that I’m counting…



Posted on

Killer week at the office which, for legal reasons, I cannot go into detail about.  4 day week has felt like a fortnight of solid working.  We’ve broken up for a fortnight now and oh my days do I need this!


On the upside, I came home with gifts.  Cider, flowers, a hand-made 50’s style pinny and some catnip mice (we collect the new kitten tomorrow, which is why that gift was most thoughtful and not completely random).  I was also commended and complimented from on high on my interpersonal skills – and that doesn’t happen every day.    Or at all.   Ever!

Non relaxing start though to the break when I got home when eldest child tootled off to her mate’s for a sleepover but failed to follow my one remit of texting me when she got there.
Not answering her phone.  Not replying to texts from me, or her sister or her dad.  I was 5 minutes away from getting Bman to drive me round there to check she’d arrived, when I eventually got a call.  Only got that after contacting friend to get her own daughter to give her a gentle nudge.  Am pretty sure her mates could hear me as I went full on Harry Potter ‘Howler’ style after she profusely apologized for ‘forgetting to call’.  I suspect she won’t forget next time if I ever let her leave the house again!

Mum, if you’re reading this I do not know how you survived our teenage years without knowing where we were half the time.  I do appreciate the need for keeping in radio contact. (We still ‘3 rings’ our mum whenever we go anywhere).

 May as well warn you in advance that as of tomorrow I will mostly be posting pictures of the kitten so you may as well switch off for a while.


Half term. Full throttle.

Posted on

So the start of this half term week mostly consisted of shrieks of joy, whoops of delight and my mouth being wide open. Either at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, or at the dentist having a check-up.  Consequently I now have tonsillitis but wasn’t going to let that stop me doing it all again this weekend at Alton Towers.   Have been waiting for both childerbeast to be tall enough for all the rides so I can get my moneys worth.  I booked an overnight stay at Splash Landings Hotel back in February & this was going to pretty much be our Griswold family holiday this year, as Bman’s holidays haven’t coincided with any of our school holidays this year.  We were having fun whatever the cost, tonsillitis or no tonsillitis.


It’s been over 15 years since I went last and about 30 years since Bman went.  The Corkscrew was the main ride when he was there last so we were doing the Big Six Challenge for sure. 

Piece of cake.  I can shit the Big Six for breakfast (but you can keep the Ripsaw.  I can’t deal with the hanging upside down).

Nemesis = ridden it loads of times

Oblivion = not holding on when you drop for full ‘rad’ freefall effect

Air = weird sensation when the floor gives way and you tip up…but lots of  fun. Try & get front seats.

Rita = opportunity for quality ‘ride face’ when you set off at 100mph. Arms in the air but try not to lose a hand!

Thirteen = wish I hadn’t know about the ‘surprise’ at the end

The Smiler = if the insanely bonkers queuing system & continuous la la la, da da dah music doesn’t send you round the twist before you get on, then the 14 loops and sheer vertical track climb certainly will.  This ride may well trigger early 90s acid flashbacks. Enjoy!

Managed to get my youngest on 5 of the 6 by our second day in the park.  Only missing The Smiler because the queue on day 2 was too long and we CBA.  Not bad going at all for a girl who was only persuaded to ride the Big Dipper on Blackpool Pleasure Beach at the start of the week after a lot of badgering.  She’s gone from wimpy kid to Bodhi from Point Break in the space of 6 days.

Proud times.

Be dauntless lil dude

Be dauntless lil dude




Marmalized by The Smiler

Marmalized by The Smiler


Even this duckling is keen to join the line for The Smiler

Even this duckling is keen to join the line for The Smiler

Almost same look I had on my face when I 1st rode the Nemesis

Almost same look I had on my face when I 1st rode the Nemesis


new 2015 family photo

new 2015 family photo


Do not try logging on to this app whilst walking up steps or you may die

Don’t try logging on to this app whilst walking up steps or you may die


Fortunately there are no photos of me tripping over my own jeans going up the steps to the Nemesis. Smacked my knees, landed on my phone (as it bounced out of its supposedly protective case), cracking the screen in the process!

FFS woman!  As my old mate Moodo said.  “Try master walking up steps before attempting the Big Six babe.”


Gave Bman & the other people in the line behind me a good laugh anyway.

Also no pictures of me & Bman laid out on the bed like bloated whales after taking full advantage of the all you can eat buffet at Flambos Exotic Feast.  Belly buster times.  Like I said, we do like to get our moneys worth. 

Back to work tomorrow. Without my bezzy, who’s abandoned me to go work in a seaside school that has surf lessons for Year 6s and overlooks the beautiful west cliff of Whitby… well you would if you could wouldn’t you?
Who’s going to help me keep my big head & even bigger gob below the radar now?

Watch this space.


New toys and malaise

Posted on

So I finally bought a new camera yesterday.  The past 24 hours have mainly consisted of my being up in my family’s grill and mumbling things like “No No No, not that setting!” or “Man alive! I don’t want it on disco pop mode!”

Here are a few of my test shots.

Us laughing at how long it took R to take this shot

Us laughing at how long it took R to take this shot


Degu playtime

Degu playtime

G-Meister.  Still alive!

G-Meister. Still alive!

A takes a better shot than R

A takes a better shot than R


Looking forward to firing off several hundred more shots on Saturday at my niece’s 3rd birthday party.



The half term is almost over and essentially this week I have done nothing constructive. Well, we have been swimming twice and the second time we did walk to the pool.  I have also done some rudimentary planning for next term, so it hasn’t all been total bone-idleness.  I did think yesterday that I was coming down with a cold but the minute I mentioned this to Bman he immediately took it from me via osmosis and I now feel fine.  He, of course, has developed the Man-Flu according to a text I got from him earlier – an illness so strangely virulent that it can render the patient chronically decrepit, yet does not appear to affect their ability to complain about how ill they are or make random, loud & attention-seeking man noises.  I await his return from work with the kettle on permanent boil for Lemsips.