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Tit Bum Tit Bum Willy!

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Daughter No. 1 has come home from school slightly traumatized after their first Sex-Ed lesson today.

In fairness it’s weird enough having your teacher talk about pubic hair and breasts, as if it was a normal everyday conversation, without that teacher being your Mum’s bezzy pal who has been round your house loads and seen you in your PJs and stuff.

🙂

Also, in fairness, she should be grateful her mum isn’t working in that class on Thursday afternoons for the next few weeks when they go into more detail than hairy bits and wee-wee holes*

I think she finds me embarrassing enough without me busting out the laminated vulva from the stock cupboard!  Although it could even be worse than that.  Wonder if Gene Genie & her new T.A. can get busy with the pink tissue paper before next week & rustle up a pair of these:-

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sex-ed

photo from google images

 

* We don’t use the term wee wee hole (or in fact, floo, foof, pee-pee, tail, John Thomas or fadge!)

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Say what?

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Another addition for the book tentatively titled:-

“Stuff you never thought you’d say (or text) out loud”

Forgetful Mum Syndrome does the rounds

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Nothing can strike shame into one’s heart more than being in the bathroom applying makeup in the morning and hearing a doleful cry from childerbeasts bedroom of;

“Muuumm!   The tooth fairy didn’t come!!”

At which point I smudged my mascara as I swore at myself in the mirror!

Tears were averted by pointing out that as the lost tooth had been left under the pillow inside an empty Tic Tac container & that perhaps the Tooth Fairy was larger than we thought and had fingers too fat to reach inside and retrieve the tooth.

Speculation that the TF had been eaten by the cats was also considered.

Note to self: Ring the TF before bed to remind her not to forget to come tonight please!

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I made a new pal today at work. She’s about 20cm tall and totally adorable. Sadly she belongs to someone else (albeit someone rather forgetful – much like myself!!). I think that if I’d brought her home my cats would have likely torn her to shreds and chances are Bman would have had a lot to say on the matter.

 Am not usually a doggie person but….

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want one... pleeeeeeeeease

 

 

Also today got the chance to blow the dust of my laminated vulva and Homer Simpson’s cock (don’t question me.)

We also got to demonstrate the biological miracle of sperm meets ovum via the medium of young children in white vests sprinting down a running track chasing a large red Pilates ball.    We then had Buddhism explained to us by Bill Nighy and (possibly) the dude from ‘Withnail I’ who builds the Camberwell Carrot and says that “Hair are your aerials”.

To be honest, I’m not sure we helped ease anyone’s minds or enlighten anyone’s soul.

 

Can I keep it Daddy?