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How to confuse an old bird

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So, on Friday I eventually got home from work after having to be rescued from a bus shelter on a council estate by my pal. Don’t ask! Fucking buses! Bloody 508 disappearing into a black hole somewhere between Leeds Headrow and my stop as usual.

So I got in, despondent and a bit hacked off, to find an Amazon parcel addressed to Kit Kit Kit.  Bemused I opened it to find this…

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I double checked my Amazon account to be sure that I hadn’t made an accidental purchase whilst under the influence. But no. Not guilty on this occasion. (Because let’s face it, we all have at some stage!)

Was someone trying to tell me they thought I was on old witch? Who could it be?  A disgruntled ex pupil still bearing a grudge since Year 6? My husband trying to be funny? My kids sharing their true feelings about their mother? A friend sending me a gift of love or alternatively, an unpleasant prank? The mafia sending a message 2019 style instead of a horses head to the pillow? Could it have been Rosemary, the telephone operator?

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Not being sure of its origins I kept it in the bag lest it be coated within with a toxic substance that might melt my face. Or some kind of ticking timebomb making my brain explode, like those Silver Shamrock pumpkin head masks from ‘Halloween 3’.

 

 

 

Yes. didn’t overthink it at all…

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It turns out to have been a Halloween love token from a very good friend who had wanted to send me a severed head, but thought it might freak me out too much so sent the mask instead. 

What could my overactive imagination possibly have made of that do you think?

I don’t have a huge number of friends, but the ones I do have are all awesome.  Mostly as fucked up and weird as me and that’s why I love them. But awesome nonetheless.

😀

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LOL

Next weekend I’m attending another horror film convention in Manchester so expect a full review of our antics at trying to trap Alex Winter in a lift or pin Kiefer Sutherland up against a toilet door.

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Noodles anyone?

Nothing to wear!

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It’s already October 19th and I fear I have left it too late to do a decent Halloween costume for this year.

The Autumn/Twig fairy get-up at the school disco was for the benefit of the children (cross curricular dontchya know).  
     So after a lackadaisical approach to my usual favourite season now think I have bodged it and will just have to don the old pointy hat and trek the streets as a dull old witch.

I appreciate I am almost 42 years old and should have grown out this shit a long time ago but I doubt I ever will and am frankly not ashamed to admit it.  I’ll be dressing up long after the childerbeast have sacked it all off.

I’ve done, witches aplenty, half-dead cheerleaders, murdered prom queens, Elvira mistress of the dark, Cruella De Ville (complete with childerbeast dressed as dalmations), 1980’s zombie hockey players and Dia de los Meurtos sugar skulls. 

What to do next? 
    I am full of ideas but feel it’s too late now to cobble something together or make it myself.  I’m too fat to carry off a decent Corpse Bride or Morticia Addams and most of the women’s costumes online are too indecent to be seen out in the street in after dark surrounded by children I teach during the day!

 

I’m thinking:-

Tippi Hedren in The Birds (charity shop suit + plastic crows stitched to body)

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I’m thinking:- Post explosion Ray Peterson from the Burbs, or… Edgar Frog from Lost Boys;  but both of these involve ‘manning up’ which isn’t my style (& also rely heavily on people knowing who I am and most people who would know, won’t be anywhere near me on Halloween, which somewhat defeats the object).

Burbs

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I also thought of crazy Clare Devine of Hollyoaks, complete with red stilettos and head on back to front from being knocked down by bonkers Dr Browning but this again has a bit of a niche audience.

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I’ve also considered some kind of post-zombie apocalypse Rita Fairclough (big red coiffure, Wetherfield Gazette under one arm, full-on undead make-up)

Hya Chuck

Hya Chuck

HELP!  Any ideas gratefully received.