With no discernible reasoning and being happier in my life than I have in years, I have felt myself sliding towards the rabbit hole the last few days. For the first time in months I had to take a couple of my beta blockers last week. (I told you didn’t I that it never goes away).
My mind has been racing with loony thoughts and tick-tock tick-tocking back and forth between feeling absolutely fine, to being awake late at night or in the wee small hours with a head full of utter rubbish. Crazy half dreams and visions. Thoughts that made no sense whatsoever, interlaced with rational thoughts and worries (but nothing you could deal with at 3am).
I have been distracting myself with Facebook, AKA the thief of time and the devil’s own tool. Not helpful truth be told. I should bomb the fucker off again for a mental cleanse but I need it for the Koolkids page, thus making it far too easy to get sucked into the newsfeed. Like this, comment on that, post the other. Must have recognition. Must spout views. Must post flattering photo so everyone knows how fabulous we are even though usually, we look like homeless elderly tramps. Must have instant gratification of a thumbs up or a smiley. Hello, hello, I’m here. (Where are you?) I’m here (Where are you? )*
This week I am distracting myself by dogsitting my friend’s pug. What an odd looking ugly little fucker he is, bless him. He is currently on time-out in his bed for being too giddy and jumping from couch to couch laughing at me and he is now snoring like Bman whilst asleep sat up. The cats are not impressed with his presence but they’ll have to get used to it until next week.
Meanwhile I will take my life one day at a time and try not to overthink things, overeat, drink too much, or chew my nails down to the quick. I must remember that life is good (despite the Brexit balls-up) and that I am loved and not a complete waste of space or air. No, I won’t change the world but that’s okay. As long as I do alright in my world then that’ll do.
*one for the Pulp fans there