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Tag Archives: Mother’s Day

Smothering Sunday

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It’s Mothers’ Day motherfuckers. Hope all the mamas out there got the requisite bunches of tulips, chrysanths (“such serviceable flowers” – film quote fans) and other mum type gifts.

I hosted afternoon tea Chez Moi, which was very nice. Fab to see the Fam and the lovely neicelings as per.  I now feel full of quiche, egg sandwiches and cupcakes and feel a teensy bit fat. 


I’m currently having a whiskey because I CBA to go the shed to get tonic for a G&T and am contemplating whether or not it would be indecent on this mothering of all Sundays to have a cheeky banger on the back step*

Friend asked me this week if I wanted to go to HorrorCon in Sheffield next month.  “Not particularly” says I. Thinking it will be chock full of obsessive nutters in fancy dress.
“Corey Feldman is a special guest doing meet and greets” she says. Hold the fucking phone! This changes things.  
Corey “Hey Lamo get off my lawn” Feldman of The Burbs fame – only the film I have probably seen more than any other.
I am sure he will actually be in attendance based on his starring role as a Frog Brother in The Lost Boys though.

So obviously we bought tickets and I’m going to get him to Sharpie “No Tanlines – nice!” on my buttcheeks. He looks like the kind of dude who would be up for that.


So it looks like we will be part of the obsessive nutters and will doubtless blend in seamlessly. I can wear my Frog Brothers hooded top and get him to sign that too.

Corey mate, if you’re reading this – you have been warned. We’re coming for you neighbour.

Ciao Ciao Xx


*not a northern euphemism for some kind of sexual back door situation, just to clarify.

Lumps, wobbly titties & sick days.

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Oh!  What’s been occurring?

I’ll tell you.

Daughter Number 2 began manifesting the same weird itchy lumps her sister gets from time to time.  Both of them inherited from the paternal side.  I think if we looked back far enough on the old family tree, we’d find people paying a pretty penny to go and see Great Great Great Grandad Bman at a travelling freakshow.

“Roll up roll up and marvel at the amazing lumpy crustacean man with his freakish lobster claw hands.”

Well they don’t get it from me!

Trip to the quacks required and 3 bottles of snake oil cure-all from the chemist later and she is back to normal size.  In fairness, it was only her wrist that doubled in size, the others were just odd nettle rash type weals.


Last weekend we had a trip to SkegVegas, which was more than a little bracing.  A little too bracing for me to be honest.  I should have taken a thicker jumper but it was a beautiful spring day when we set off.  It’s the English coast.  What was I thinking?  Worth it though to catch up with the Boobatron.

No shit!!

No shit!!


We were highly entertained at having to pay 40p to get into Lincolnshire over a little bridge and what trip to the English seaside wouldn’t be complete without some quality tasteful souvenirs on full display in the store where your offspring decide to go and buy an ice-cream?


I’d rather have a flake in mine if you don’t mind



This place though had to win hands down for the best (hopefully ironic, but possibly not) window display right on the North Parade.


Day out at the beach.  Must remember to pick up some bleach and a Bombay Bad Boy. I may even treat myself to some new scourers.

Love it!


There’s been Acorn Antiques episodes aplenty down on the Farm which I’d rather not go into as it will just end up making me seeth anew!

** and breathe**

I have also been trying to resolve the issue of nobody having been to look round our house, which has been on the market now for almost 5 months.  It may be something to do with the fact that it’s easier to find a Malaysian airliner in the Southern Indian Ocean than it is to find our property for sale on the estate agent’s website!

I don’t think our personal agent has reckoned with having somebody with a modicum of computer knowhow on her case.  The sporadic nature of the property being advertised in the local paper and when and how it appears on Zoopla and RightMove is also perturbing.  It pops up sometimes, like a 3-bedroomed Brigadoon, then vanishes again at your next attempt at a search.  My house is screwing with me!  It does not appear to want to be sold.

On top of that, I have been off sick from the Farm for 2 days.  Biliousness during in the night (I’m pretty sure it’s a word) and utter exhaustion due to not being able to get back to sleep.
   The very fact of being off work, without childerbeast and being able to sleep has worked well and I don’t feel too bad at all now.  Good job really as I am meant to be meeting my mum for lunch tomorrow and Ma B on Sunday.  Mother’s Day weekend and no rest for this mummy. Strangely my sister has been ill too.  Maybe it’s a telepathy thing (or we’re both just feebs).