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Tag Archives: seaside

East coast massive

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Me and Childerbeast have just had a mini seaside break in sunny Bridlington. It was hotter than one would imagine for Brid, but then we are going through a bit of the old global warming in the UK just now.


We could almost be in Tenerife


Not quite Bondi.    but you still got to swim between the flags y’all!



Bit overcast on Day2 but still warm

Things I learned over the past couple of days:- 
* Dining out with my friend can be quite the confusing experience for all involved.
* If my friend won £10k, the first thing she would buy is a “big bag of crisps.”
* There’s an awesome disabled loo on the promenade at Brid, with adjustable sinks.
* Two days in Brid costs more than you think.
* There are several establishments serving, “best fish and chips in Bridlington”.
* Black music gets you dancing – it must be true, it said so on the waltzers.
* My friend’s daughter is a menace in a dodgem – My bruised knees are a proof!
* Even the best GoPro ever will still only film brown water in the sea at Brid.




I wish to be a 13 year old boy who works in a toy factory & has sex with a grown woman


Nothing to see here, just a man with a hotdog for gentials


Mmmm ice cream that looks like your intestines


You heard the man – get dancing honkies!


All diversities welcome at the seaside

Meanwhile, our next trip will be to Boomtown Fair in Winchester later this week.
I’m excited and slightly nervous in equal measure.  It looks like quite the immersive festival experience. It could go either way.  I could wander aimlessly with the childerbeast (like we did when I got us lost on the way to the B&B in Brid) or I could end up in the tea and sympathy tent being holistically tended-to by a volunteer in a HiVis vest, while my children look on in ill-disguised contempt and embarrassment because I’ve lost my shit on Mcat or something. (Is Mcat still a thing?)   Click here for a trailer of  BoomTown Chapter 10

We shall see…

Going crackers in Blackers

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Was served in Primark by a midget and a stood in line for the cash machine behind a man in full drag earlier this week.  Yup.  Welcome to Blackpool MoFos!

Wasn’t feeling up for it to be honest despite having booked it months ago, but once we got there I rallied a bit.  Ended up with 3rd degree wind burn & a tomato face by the end of the day.  God knows what I’d have looked like if I hadn’t had some sunscreen in my tinted moisturizer!

Thought high winds might’ve put the kybosh on it, but youngest childerbeast finally got to ride The Big One.  Wasn’t tall enough the first time we went a couple of years ago.  Last year she was, but she bottled out.  This year she went on without me and went on Infusion and Revolution.  Before I know it they’ll be off on adventurous days out like this without their auld Mum.



Convinced I saw the actor/comedian John Thompson in the line for the Ghost Train but it could just have been his doppleganger.  After all, I’ve been mistaken for Maxine Peake before now.


He wasn’t dressed like this…



It’s not me


There’s something very therapeutic about committing yourself to the mercy of a teenage ride operator running a rollercoaster, which was built in the 1930s out of matchwood and duct tape.  Just don’t look too closely at the structure as you fly round and for the love of god keep your hands inside the damn cart!
The Grand National is my favourite by a mile, followed closely by the Wild Mouse.  Pretty sure the Final Destination franchise missed a trick there by not using that ride for their coaster catastrophe scene.  Go on it and I defy you not to shriek.  A tiny bit of wee came out when I was on it.  It’s quite tricky to squeeze in those pelvic floor muscles when your arse is actually airborne from your seat and you’re trying to hold onto your daughter!

Tena times. Good times.



It’s not wee, honest.

Brainstains & seaside therapy

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Name that tune:    “Don’t want words, don’t want no lies, they say more than what is spoken” – Raindrops, Sash

Movie Quote of the Day “It was wonderful / Yes I know, I think about it all the time” – Brideshead Revisited


Over the last couple of days, I have felt like I wanted to remove my brain and steep it in a bleach solution overnight, like you do to mugs with stubborn tannin stains.  That would be rather drastic and possibly irreversible, so instead I am going to the Motherland to steep myself in sea water and immerse myself in the collective comfort of a townsfolk who I guarantee will make me feel better about myself.  A bit like going into Bradford shopping,  but with donkeys (although round here, the donkeys do also seem to come as standard).

Back ‘in the day’ I often retreated to the homeland to smell the sea air and poke my bare toes in the beach in an effort to ground myself when it all got too much. 

That time is now! 

Hopefully I will get to catch up with some of the last survivors – the resistors of the slippery slide into decrepitude and dental neglect.  The ones who have retreated to the forests and higher ground in an effort to live out the fashion apocalypse and hide from the walking dead.

I’m rambling now.  Told you I needed a brain bleach bath.  I need to clean it, scrape the kack off and dust off the detritus.

clean me

picture courtesy of google images

Had the urge to listen to these 2 tracks today so do join me in my old school reverie.  For the first one, I shall step into my hot-tub time-machine and return to many a Friday night, back  when I was a brunette & tiny backpacks, mini A-Line skirts & little mohair jumpers were des rigueur.

Track 2 is a dedication, and track 3 – I am gutted  because it cuts off after the sexy intro and doesn’t play the main body of the track ! – Boo hiss


1) Grace – Not over Yet: 

2) Sash! – Raindrops

3) Who Am I? – Would you die for me?