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Tag Archives: Serial Killers

When I wasn’t kidnapped by a lunatic and didn’t have to go home naked

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So since I went ghostbusting last weekend not much has happened TBH.
I did run for the bus twice in one day and not piss myself though, so that’s a massive success at my age! Proves that the old pelvic floor exercises are working. I’ll be opening that Marmite jar before you know it. (See this entry from January this year World’s strongest Vajayjay)


Also managed to take 2 hours to get home on Saturday thanks to the 508 being an utter bastard. WYMetro FFS! It’s all very well having digital bus timetables telling passengers how long it is until the bus comes, but if you’re stood waiting, watching it countdown from 14 minutes to DUE and then the fucker doesn’t turn up – it would be an understatement to say how annoying that is. Especially when it happens twice.
Ended up getting a 72 and sharing a taxi the rest of the way with a random lady I got chatting to at the bus stop.  In retrospect she could have been a serial killer with an elaborate ruse to lure me to her underground sexual torture bunker. A female cross between Ted Bundy and Josef Fritzl or Tubbs trying to get a wife for David. 


Luckily she either wasn’t a serial killer or she is, and didn’t fancy the cut of my jib (or the all pervading whiff of chlorine).


Yesterday I had a micro drama at work when I got out at the end of my classes to discover that the key was no longer there for my locked locker. I keep it in my phone case on a stool at poolside but it wasn’t there at 7pm. I suspect it may have come out of the case and fallen into the pool and gone down the side of the bench.  


It’s not my nude day

After an initial panic and an offer from a swim parent to have a go at cracking the lock with a screwdriver, I managed to find a spare key in the office so was able to get dressed. At least I didn’t have to go home on the bus with my parka on over my damp swimwear or wrapped in a towel.  Bman’s car was in the garage so he wouldn’t have been able to come collect me if I’d rung him.


I’m sure it will turn up somewhere random eventually.


Think I might venture into Leeds tomorrow in an attempt to not sit at home on my day off, snacking gratuitously.  Otherwise by Christmas I will look like Baymax from Big Hero 6.


Must stop eating my own homemade cereal bars

Honk if you recognise yourself!

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So I’ve got back into watching ‘Hollyoaks’ again even though I am 20 years older than everyone it, with the possible exception of ‘Jack Osborne’. 

It’s like a little dose of sedative at the end of the working day – don’t judge me!

I made comment at work about how fantastical the story lines were (not to be confused with fantastic, which is something entirely different)  and how I lived in Chester for many years and it was nothing like that in reality.

Not nearly as glamorous for a start.  No wall to wall eye-candy – everyone was pretty normal looking.  No insane stories played out for the public, no nutters, loons, players, wannabe gangsters and crazed bitches.  

I did recall a tale of a landlady who had some fingers allegedly chopped off by her jealous husband, but then I had a little think….

          “There was this one time….”

  • Some old dude did have the dismembered body of his dead wife in his freezer in the garage in the village next to ours.
  • They still haven’t arrested anyone for the murder of that ‘masseuse’ at Pinky’s in 1991.   massage-parlour-killer
  • No-one I know ever got dragged from their beds in their undies and their flats raided for drugs and contraband (ahem).
  • No 8-year old boys dealing from their Mother’s kitchen, with the ability to undersell to the unwary. (Oh hang on….)


  • No end of young dead boy-racers; young-uns biting the dust in bar brawls or leaving their pals half-dead by the canal.


  • Nobody ever burst into anyone’s flat with an axe or firebombed anyone’s car for reasons I forget now (or anything…)


  • No farmers shooting out the rear windows of theives’ getaway vehicles.


  • No crazy women hurling themselves into a football-rivalry-fuelled drunken mêlée to try and save friends and ending up saving Welsh rivals instead!


  • Nobody ever kept a written record of items shoplifted to order or recreational pharmaceuticals sold, including full names and addresses, thus attracting the full attention of the Chester PD Blue on those people for several months (because that would be really fucking stupid!)


  • There was that time a warehouse caught fire and burnt half the street down when all the roofs caught alight too.


Perhaps it wasn’t such a sedate little city after all in retrospect.

 Do enjoy my rogues gallery of classic Hollyoaks villians.  Personally I think they should bring back the dirty fireman (Ben) and Jambo from when it first started but I suspect they are dead (and not real) – killed off by one of the many serial killers that have stalked the ‘village’ over the years.

Serial killers prefer blondes

Killer Heels

crazy for crazy’s sake

best caricature ever

Couldn’t find a pic of psycho Rob who held loads of them captive in an old water tower after killing Kurt Benson with a jetski  and whom nobody seems to remember but me.

Happy viewing  Xx

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