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Someone tell me what to do

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If anyone could sort me out with winning lotto numbers so I can stay home watching ‘Bondi Rescue’ and ‘There’s a ghost up my arse’ or whatever, while doing my step machine and occasionally ironing, then that’d be great.


I’ve been researching other potential career prospects.¬† So far this is my list:-

*Continue being a HLTA.
*More swim teaching (skin & hair getting buggered up).
*Retraining as a Retained Reflexes Therapist.
*Setting up own ghost hunting company (market pretty saturated right now though).
*Hiring self out as Humanist celebrant (clashes somewhat with supernatural beliefs.
and also costs a stupid amount of money to ‘train’ to write ceremonies).
*1:1 TA work for SEN pupils.
*Write bestselling novel & sell the movie rights – relocate to LA.
*Setting up mobile beer van with pal “Oldies with Coldies” & doing the festy circuit.

My list of credentials is a sorry state of oddities indeed:-

*8 GCSEs.
*2 A levels.
*Some Secretarial qualification I forget the name of that included a proficiency.
certificate in the art of ‘WordStar4’ (a long defunct word processing program).
*NVQs in Childcare Learning & Development and Support Teaching & Learning.
*Higher Level Teaching Assistant status.
*ASA Swimming National Curriculum Training Program Levels 1&2.
*STA Award in Swim Teaching.
*STA Pool Safety Award.
*Diploma in Parapsychology (I shit you not).
*Diploma in Demonology (fact. It’s true – bring it on Beelzebub).
*Am also an ordained Humanist Celebrant (god bless the Internet).

I must be able to do something different with that lot – surely Shirley? Or a mish-mash of it all – a bit like I am now, but with more structure & less hours.
The thought of being self-employed scares me though. What about holidays? Tax? Sick pay? But I don’t want to work for some big corporate gig either.¬†¬†


I do need a change though. I need to do something exciting. Am starting to feel a little stagnant – like an old pond.


Maybe I need to invent some kind of anti-snoring device (before I throttle Bman with the cord of my MP3 headphones, because seriously? I can still hear you man). 






All because the lady loves… her earplugs

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Decent evening last night at the party. I was very sensible & didn’t indulge too much.¬† Far too entertaining watching others partake of Jaegerbombs,¬†¬†limoncello, vodka & Ribena & sambuca.


I’m giving blood later today & didn’t want to turn up swathed in alcohol fumes with a stinking hangover.

Did have some interesting conversations about people’s supernatural experiences, which was most interesting.

Am presently sofa-loafing in my undies watching The Returned. Forced from my own bed yet again by a snoring Bman (despite having earplugs stuffed so far into my ears I could practically taste them!)


Milk Tray are reintroducing the iconic Milk Tray man & hosting a contest to search for him. ¬†I know someone who needn’t bother applying! ¬†

I’d like my Milk Tray delivered by Channing Tatum & Theo James while Gleb from Strictly Come Dancing does a cheeky salsa number at the end of the bed.




That was the week that was (bit crap really despite the weather being sunny)

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This time last week we were still at the Alton Towers resort. 

It hasn’t been open since¬†Tuesday.¬†

What’s that phrase?¬† ‘There but for the grace of god go I’.¬† After raving about The Smiler & my eldest buying herself a Smiler T-Shirt & Bag, that particular ride looks set to not reopen for some time!¬† I do hope whatever problem caused the accident gets sorted soon and¬†I hope they don’t scrap it completely.¬† It is awesome! ¬†Feel bad for those most seriously injured though.¬† Fun day out turned utterly rotten and all that.


I was only thinking last weekend how in younger days I would have had butterflies and been a bag of nerves about going on big rides.¬† As I flew round on the Big Six and didn’t hold on as we plummeted down the Oblivion, I felt no fear, not even any real excitement. It was fun, don’t get me wrong.¬† I just seemed to have lost the ability to really FEEL. When did that happen?
I don’t think I can really remember the last time I got really excited or thrilled about anything. Like you did as a kid when you felt it¬†in your belly and your chest.¬†I’m just a shell of a woman these days drifting through life in a daze.

Seemingly though,¬†I am ‘awful’ and have ‘no maternal instincts’ if the Facebook comments of the natives are to be believed.¬†

Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.¬†
    I did spend a few hours questioning my mothering skills and admitting that I had done and said awful things in my time. Then I thought about all the good things I have done and said, which far outweighed the bad and decided not to beat myself up anymore.  Why care about what someone who means nothing to you thinks of you?  No point.

This week Bman has been at his mother’s, doing odd jobs and clearing out her cellar.¬† He’s due back shortly.¬† No doubt¬† with a hunchback from stooping and a rant or two up his sleeve about his week.

Had the bed all to myself all week. Will have to share it again now with a snory man.





Is it bedtime again yet?

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I’m on the computer blogging at 06:55am!

I’ve been awake since 0500hrs!

It’s not even Christmas Day, I’m not breastfeeding a newborn; I haven’t wet the bed; my children aren’t sick and I’m not setting off to the airport on holiday. WTF?

I’ll tell you WTF! I stayed up last night watching an episode of ‘Desperate Houseflies’ I’d recorded on Sunday (how DO those women of Wisteria Lane still look so good at their age? S’no fair!). I then headed up to bed and found Bman splayed out in the middle of the bed looking mighty comfortable but snoring like my Grandad. He’s been suffering with his neck lately (to add to the list of other crippling age 40+ ailments he applies ointments and unguents to on a daily basis). So I decided to leave him to it and headed back downstairs to the sanctuary of the couch.

All was good, but he’s on early shifts, so when he got up I figured I might as well have a coffee and start the day. Heads up to my sister who will be on the early morning train for the forseeable once my niece (Renesmee¬†GaGa) makes an appearance¬†(due April 13th). THERE IS NOTHING ON TV AT THIS TIME! Shopping channels and the News only. ‘Countdown’ is on at 05:35 but it was a bit early for me to focus on vowels and consonants if I’m honest. I did however solve the second numbers game in under 30 seconds when the panelists¬†didn’t! Yay! I have been listening¬†in Y6 Maths class.

I’m really tired now though and the childerbeast have yet to awaken and start telling me that they’re:- bored/hungry/tired/have nothing to do/peckish/thirsty/injured/don’t know what to wear/don’t want to get dressed or wash etc.

It may be a very long day…¬†


Not sure if she is meant to look like a paraplegic