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This blog is all over the place today. Much like myself.

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New job title of the week:  Bovine by-product redistribution agent


First there was this:-

Then my MiL spake (it’s a word) the prophetic words¬† “How long will it take before some other child decides to copycat?”

Barely a day later there was this:-

    Wales teacher death plot

and this:-

     Primary school poison plot


I won’t lie.¬† I’m pretty sure I’m on a list, and likely very high up, and not in the Do Not Harm column either.
Perhaps not so much this year, but to use a fave word of Gene Genie’s,
‘deffo’ the last few years.¬† I reckon it’d be like the final reveal in Murder on the Orient Express.¬† In fact I’d wager that I’m on at least 2 members of staff’s mental hit-list.¬† (I don’t think any of them are at that stage yet of actually having a real written list.) ¬† However, it could happen.

Form an orderly queue people…

Worrying and shameful times indeed.


but keep your wits about you more than ever!

Meanwhile, a good SAT’s question for my lovely eldest offspring for next week’s exams, might go a little something like this:-

  If a bath is running at approximately 1000ml per 6 seconds and the plug goes in at 1830. You add a bathbomb at 1835 then disappear to listen to music on your iPad while your mother is ironing downstairs.  Who gets the blame first when your father yells upstairs that there is water dripping through the kitchen ceiling and all hell breaks loose at 1900?


No damage done really other than to pride and feelings but now it seems I will have to sit and observe the bath filling operation myself, as everybody in the house has the memory of a goldfish,  the attention span of a fruit fly & the short-temper of Gordon Ramsay.


Just for the record – if I were to organise a new system to improve communication, I’d¬†make sure said system was well hidden.¬† Perhaps¬†under a table, beneath a bunch of takeaway menus & a clothing catalogue for people who need elastic waisted jeans and kaftans.¬† It makes perfect sense.¬†¬† Just saying.









Today was a good day

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(Star Wars die-hards don’t bombard me with fault-finding – I appreciate it was not Master Yoda who said this. I just liked this meme better than the one with Alec Guinness on it.)



Today I was corrected on my punctuation by one of my Catch-Up Literacy students who was, in fact, correct… I had left out an all important comma!
I was also treated to a lesson on persuasive literary devices by other members of my Catch-Up group. 

This disturbance in the force came barely a week after members of staff and level 6 ability students were beaten at the Countdown numbers game by another child in a much lower group.

Who knew there were SO MANY pics of this woman's rear view on google image when you serach for countdown numbers game>?

Who knew there were SO MANY pics of this woman’s rear view on google image when you search for ‘countdown numbers game’?


I feel as though I’m in a parallel universe where it seems that children DO actually listen and can in fact, learn and retain that knowledge.¬† I think I kinda like it.¬† Could it BE that we are doing something worthwhile?

Gene Genie, we should retire to that ‘escape¬† to the country’ now while the going’s good.¬† Quit while we’re ahead and all that.¬†

Then just before home time, I was treated to this;

“I thought vegetarians ate meat Miss”

… and the balance was restored anew….¬† BANG!¬† Back in the room!

post mostly comprising initials

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If there wasn’t enough reasons to avoid this series of books like the plague¬†and avoid¬†hurling oneself on the S&M, 3 for ¬£10 at Morrison’s¬†pseudoporn bandwagon.¬† I just read that JB may be getting involved in the film franchise.

Foxtrot Foxtrot¬†Sierra!¬† Noooooooooooooooo!¬†¬† He’s only about 17 years old!

In other news.¬† Last night I dreamt that I was back at work at The Farm*¬†(that one is for my readers who have been there from Day 1) and that a massive apocalyptic¬†thunder and lightning storm was raging around Leeds and blowing all through the office.¬† Bman says I was curled¬†up in a ball under the covers – that may explain why.¬† Unless I was channelling¬†one of the beetles I also dreamt about later on that I’d found in my pyabs!¬† (Just for the record, I only dreamt¬†that – I don’t really have any wee¬†beasties in my bush).

Analyse THAT futhermucker!


Got paid yesterday and most of it has been eaten by overdraft already.¬† Summer holidays are a killer for spending cash you don’t actually have!¬†

I have now given up hope of ever seeing any of the PPI¬† I have been promised¬†since fecking¬†February when I applied for a refund from RBS.¬† At this rate I’ll be RIP well before I even hear¬†whether or not I am to expect any.¬† Meanwhile, the World and his dog keep telling me stories of retail therapeutic joy, spending their PPI refunds on domestic appliances, pampering days and must-have gadgets.

I shall take to my bed with my dressing gown over my clothes now and wallow in my own self-pity until it’s time for Strictly and Doctor Who. ūüė¶

I shall leave you with this picture which amused me on FB and I stole because I’m all out of my own ideas this weekend.

aint that the truth

* AKA.   B.N.I Insurance Brokers