Occasionally a potential blog post just falls into my lap. Such an occasion happened yesterday although sadly, not literally. Me and the Childerbeast were on way home from the Boro after taking Grandma out for a birthday meal. A gaggle of glamourpuss girls got on the train and before long the prosecco corks were popping. At Malton, a vanguard of attractive young rugby players got on, laden down with beer and a bottle of tequila. The Childerbeast commented that it could all end up being another last train home from Blackpool situation. It looked like a different class of reveller to me though.
In my head, these lads would totally have sat with me on my 4-seater, if it hadn’t been for the barbed wire, fun repellent, no-mans-land, barrier of my Childerbeast. Surely I would present less threatening company than the ladies further up the carriage.
Soon the entire train was full of the heady aroma of Impulse Vs Lynx, Budweiser, tequila and sparkling wine and the increasing volume of man noise Vs girly high pitched giggling. A sudden burst of Happy Birthday made sure that we all knew why the ladies were out and about. A non-too subtle enticement to try and get the men to gravitate toward them.
I watched amused and slightly envious. I’m not too sure I would even have joined in 20 years ago (I probably would to be fair). I was struck with the harsh knowledge that if I had indeed managed to inveigle my way into this boys Vs girls jolly up, it would only ever be in the capacity of a novelty nan figure for the ladies, or a grab a gran dare for the lads.
Harry Enfield times.
Reality bites! 😦
They all got off at York and another set of young ‘uns got on. Childerbeast at first thought it was the same crowd having got off at one door and boarded again via another. I assured them it was in fact a different crowd. These lot were of a less well-bred variety. You could tell by the less classy booze, their poor dental hygiene and West Yorkshire accents.
It’s been a week now since Gollum died. I see her all over the place. A towel on the floor. A pair of Bman’s work shoes. Pepper from the wrong angle. I miss her.