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That time I ‘met’ Bill S Preston esq.

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On Sunday I attended the For The Love Of Horror convention at Bowlers in Manchester. This was purely on the basis that several members of the original cast of ‘The Lost Boys’ were to be there too, including Kiefer Sutherland.  There was a whole host of other horror film actors too, some of whom I had even heard of.

Unwilling to pay the extra £80 for an autograph OR a photo with Kiefer (one or the other, 2 x £80 for both). Or, to be honest, even pay £40 for Alex Winter (Duuuuuude!) I was going to resort to stealth photography instead.

We were stiffed before we even got into the venue by two chancers in Hi-Vis vests asking for a fiver for parking.  I did say, “You know these pair have just got Poundland Hi-Vis and are out to make a buck right?” as my pal handed over a crisp blue one out the window. 

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What did I say Roy?

We had a good wander and accidentally ended up at a seance run by a ghost busting group.  I wasn’t into it for several reasons.  Mostly because despite many attempts at it, I have yet to be impressed by a Ouija board. I find it mostly just ideomotor effect. Also, I wasn’t convinced that there were many spirits to call out to in a hangar on the outskirts of Stretford.  It was also doubtful that anyone’s nan was likely to suddenly ‘come forward from the shadows’ in the 10 minutes we had left before we went to get a seat at the Alex Winter Q&A.

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We listened to the Q&A.  Not to be confused with Alex Winters who we have since discovered is a completely different person, who probably wasn’t even born when ‘Lost Boys’ was released.

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I’d watch a lot more of Cbeebies if Alex Winter presented it in character as Bill S Preston Esq.  He was the only one I would have recognised compared to the rest. In fairness the movie is like 32 years old. We, none of us, look like we did in 1987! (Probably just as well in my case).

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t think Jason Patric or Kiefer did a Q&A. Probably just as well, as all I could think of to ask were inappropriate questions about that time Julia Roberts was meant to marry Kiefer but ran off with Jason instead. 
B
man said I wasn’t allowed to ask Alex Winter anything about Bill & Ted 3 or Keanu Reeves, as that might seem rude. I wanted to ask him what number he was thinking of, but any Bill & Ted fan already knows the answer to that.

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Other people were not so bothered though and we got to hear that the Bill & Ted 3 film is finished. They were very tired making it, because they are now so much older and that they are hoping a trailer will drop for it next Spring, if not before.  It should come out in cinemas next August.  He also said that during the filming of Lost Boys, he was almost the Den Father, having to keep an eye on the two Coreys, who were the worst ones for high jinx on set!

He came across as a good guy and it was most excellent to see and hear him.

Bodacious!

We then went to get some lunch and ride the carousel outside. Quite surreal with all the cosplayers around.  I saw Brandon Lee from ‘The Crow’ having a cig next to a bin with Beetlejuice. Several Jason Vorhees eating burgers and then Michael Myers, Pennywise the clown, Annie Wilkes from ‘Misery’ and David from ‘Lost Boys’ all rode the carousel with us.

 

 

We then hit the Scare Maze.  

There was a fair bit of conflicting and confusing debate in the line as to who was or wasn’t going through the crawl space. I offered to give it a miss to stay with the girls. Then Emily offered to stay with them instead. But Allie wanted me to stay with her, but that meant Linda would be a lone crawler. We asked the queue dude if the crawl space met up with the rest of the maze and he said it did, so in the end Linda and I crawled and met the other 3 in the middle. It was only a short crawl, but properly an all fours situation, while strange hands grabbed at us in the dark.  The rest of it was basically us blundering about shrieking as we witnessed realistic torture set-ups (great prosthetics) and tried to avoid zombies, clowns and killer surgeons.  Allie had a bit of a meltdown in the hall of clowns.  One of them thoughtfully showed us the way out but we immediately ran into a knife wielding Michael Myers, which did not help calm her down. Bless her.  #Parentingfail

She possibly had some kind of PTSD flashback to that time I took her round a Halloween scare maze on our friends farm when she was younger. It was pretty scary to be fair and  possibly a bit too much for a four year old.

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The rest of the day was spent attempting to thwart the queue gestapo who marched up and down the lines barking “No pictures please unless you’ve paid” to which my friend (who’d got my digital camera on full  zoom) kept saying “Oh sorry, I forgot” then just went down a different line instead.

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Oddly, one of the highlights was watching Tim Cappello AKA the oiled up saxophone player from the movie. He was owning that outfit and that performance and claim to fame 32 years on and also came over as really genuine guy when he spoke a bit at the end.  Used to play with Tina Turner apparently. Made that choker from chain from Home Depot aswell.  Been wearing it ever since I reckon. Same leggings too by the look of it.  At first I thought it was a bit sad, but then thought good on him for milking it while he can.  Have to say, the line for his autograph doubled after he had done his performance of “I still believe”.

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Then

 

I managed to resist spending too much money in the traders hall even though who wouldn’t want a life sized automated doll of Regan from The Exorcist (£350) or a taxidermied mouse tied to a bed?  Besides I spent all my money on two slush puppies at the bar for Allie and her mate. Stiffed again at five English pounds a pop! I shit you not!

 

 

 

Kiefer proved very elusive, being the main attraction and all. We got nowhere near the Lost Boys Cave Set (or the Museum of Monsters and Madmen for that matter). He was hidden away like the crazy wife from Jane Eyre. Not even a whiff of him, never mind being able to corner him in a lift or broom cupboard somewhere.  Had to resort to bastardising other people’s photos from Facebook and a bit of comedy photoshop. I defy you not to chuckle a bit.

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What a lovely coupleIMG-20191020-WA0073IMG-20191020-WA0077IMG-20191020-WA0078

A good day had by all, we didn’t get our throats slit by psychopaths disguised as horror franchise cosplayers (because let’s face it we had discussed the possibility of this scenario in the car on the way there).  I doubt No2 child will be coming with me into any more scare mazes. And based on her scaremaze reaction, our visit to the theatre to see Ghost Stories on my birthday might prove interesting!

I did have strange dreams about being on a bus with a zombie Kiefer Sutherland Sunday night myself though.

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They’re only noodles Michael

Bring on next year. Better start saving for taxidermy and slushies now.

Ciao Ciao MoFos

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That time I smelled a hand that touch Ricky Butler/Edgar Frog & brushed against Paddy off Emmerdale in the line for tea

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Some weeks ago my friend asked me if I was up for attending a horror film convention in a disused steel mill in Sheffield so we could bother Corey Feldman.

Sold!

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We then discovered, having bought our tickets, that it was an extra £35 for a photo opportunity with the man himself.

Fuck that!

After getting the hump about it briefly, we decided to go anyway and just try and get some photos when he did the Q&A session and just get Allie to photoshop us into it with him.

A last minute idea that we ought to put more effort into our wardrobe than my Frog Brothers hoodie resulted in this…  apologies to any of the neighbours who saw this parked outside this morning.

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Bman did warn me that given the potential demographic of this type of event, we might attract the unwanted attentions of geeks.  I assured him that these guys would be too busy creaming their pants over horror movie props and the various other film franchise celebrities in attendance to be bothered about us.  I was only partly right…
…the coconut shy (shrunken head shy) man just let us go to town with the balls to throw to try and win a creepy toy.  No shrunken heads were knocked from their perches but he let us take a toy anyway.

Hostage child dolly… nice.

 

 

We wandered about a bit and had people jump out on us a lot. One of whom only didn’t get their mask punched off their face because they were clearly a young child.  After a further wander, we found the main hall which contained a plethora of horror related collectors tat to buy.
After some deliberation, I opted for a mini Audrey plant, although I was sorely tempted to get a hand-stitched voodoo doll with pins, or a replica mummified Rasputin’s penis.  One of those I can easily cobble together at home with some old material and my trusty sewing box. I’ll let you decide which one you think I mean.

Snaps to the man at http://www.digbynevermoor.com who got our obscure League of Gentleman quote and joined in.

Best overheard conversation of the day was a father to his young daughter “What is it you’d like to buy?” Daughter replied “A pug in formaldehyde” To which I turned around and said “Well who doesn’t want one of those?”

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Feed me Seymour!

I’ve been singing “Suddenly Seymour” all day since I bought this baby.

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Touch it! Touch the mummified penis

 

Trussed up fetish Barbie.  Boob implant Barbie. Severed digits chess set.  Cabbage patch skeleton. Was also tempted by the skeletal mermaid of course but it was a bit big.

 

 

Some people had gone to a lot of trouble with the old costumes.  Possibly a little too much time on their hands but worth it for some selfies.

 

 

 

 

The scariest part of the day for me was when we’d asked some scary boiler suit zombie Michael Myers type for directions and he sent us the wrong way.  On the way back past him, my friend told him off for sending us the wrong way. We saw him again a bit later and she poked him on the shoulder and then ran off, leaving me to face him.  I ran away and he chased us down the corridor. We did the dumbest thing ever and ran into the ladies loos – thus leaving us trapped.  I feared he would be waiting outside for us, machete raised above his head.  We left it five minutes before sneaking out.  Luckily he had gone to find someone else to butcher so we were ok.
In fact, there was a worrying amount of weaponry there.  Annie Wilkes with her sledgehammer (“You dirty bird”). Machetes, axes, acetylene torches, nail guns, etc.  So many masked people.  They could have been anyone.  We could have been attacked at any point by a psychotic lunatic who had  ‘el-snappoed’ after mowing one too many lawns, and we would have just thought it was part of the show and filmed it or got a selfie.

Truth be told, we perhaps should have paid more attention to the rules (“Gav”) before we decided to stake out the adjacent (empty) queueing area to Corey in our persistent efforts to obtain the perfect free photo op.

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To be fair, it doesn’t say you weren’t supposed to fall about laughing like morons and take a buttload of mostly useless photos.  Nor does it say that you’re not supposed to obstruct another ‘guests’ autograph line even though we were actually the only people in it.  Some poor fucker from American Horror Story amongst other things was sat there, pen in hand, with a grand total of nobody, waiting to get their merch signed.  No doubt cursing inside that he had been put “next to that gobby kid from the fucking Goonies” while two crazy bitches who make those mad old women waving union jacks outside Windsor Castle and creaming themselves over Prince Harry’s baby, look like absolutely normal pillars of the community.

At several points whilst signing other people’s things (an extra £35 to sign stuff) the man looked up – clearly distracted by our mirth and envious of the fact that here were two pals unperturbed by the fact that that they were making a holy show of themselves in a giant hall full of people in the close presence of a Hollywood celebrity.

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See – he’s looking right at me – he wants IN on this fun

 

This is probably my favourite picture of the day and he’s not even in it,  If ever a photo summed up an average conversation between us two, then this is it.  It could only have been improved if cardigan man wasn’t in the way of Corey and his Smooth Criminal hat.

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This is why my eyes are so creasy – too much laughter

I can’t even remember why we were in hysterics.  Possibly because Linda had just told me off for taking about eleventy blurry photos of nothing because she kept telling me off for moving the camera.

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This is me saying “stop yelling at me” & Linda saying “I’m not!”

Another comedy moment, later on, was when I was looking for Pennywise the clown and Linda suddenly grabs me and says, “Dead ahead dead ahead”.  I’m looking about gormlessly for someone dressed as a clown and she’s hissing at me, “There! There! in front of you!”  I’m still staring about like a dolt going, “What? Where am I looking?” and eventually I realized she meant this…

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This is not a waxwork

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No, that isn’t Bman next to him

Linda, ever the opportunist, inveigled her way to him to ask if he would sign her pot (she recently knackered her arm falling over). He was very polite about it but said he wasn’t allowed to. But he did shake her (other) hand.

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The hand that shook Corey’s

She said his hand was very soft “from all the drugs maybe? (allegedly)” assuming I suspect that Hollywood = must have indulged at some point.  But I’m not sure if she knows how drugs work. Unless the man was snorting lines of Nivea back in his misspent youth.  Hands that do narcotics are as soft as your face and all that.
I sniffed her hand afterwards, so I’ve smelled a hand that has touched a Frog Brother.

We then went and had a brew to calm down and compose ourselves before we went to the Q&A session.  I was stood behind Paddy from Emmerdale in the queue for tea. At least I think I was. I’ve tweeted him to ask if he was there but funnily enough, he hasn’t replied.

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That day we ‘met’ Corey Feldman in Sheffield

I honestly haven’t laughed so much in ages for no real reason. I’m pretty sure when Corey clocked us doubled over in pleats, pissing our pants, he was put in mind of the good old days with his shits and giggles with his old pal Corey Haim.

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Neither of these are Will Wheaton

He is more than welcome to join our little clique, as long as he knows his League from his Inside No.9 and his Fast Show from his Fonejacker. Fuck it! Paddy off Emmerdale can come out with us too, He looks like a man who enjoys a good craic.

So mostly my future now lies in creating horror and gore themed dolls and weird shit like mummified (ethically sourced) animals in ghoulish tableaus so I can have a stall there myself next year.

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Smothering Sunday

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It’s Mothers’ Day motherfuckers. Hope all the mamas out there got the requisite bunches of tulips, chrysanths (“such serviceable flowers” – film quote fans) and other mum type gifts.

I hosted afternoon tea Chez Moi, which was very nice. Fab to see the Fam and the lovely neicelings as per.  I now feel full of quiche, egg sandwiches and cupcakes and feel a teensy bit fat. 

 

I’m currently having a whiskey because I CBA to go the shed to get tonic for a G&T and am contemplating whether or not it would be indecent on this mothering of all Sundays to have a cheeky banger on the back step*

Friend asked me this week if I wanted to go to HorrorCon in Sheffield next month.  “Not particularly” says I. Thinking it will be chock full of obsessive nutters in fancy dress.
“Corey Feldman is a special guest doing meet and greets” she says. Hold the fucking phone! This changes things.  
Corey “Hey Lamo get off my lawn” Feldman of The Burbs fame – only the film I have probably seen more than any other.
I am sure he will actually be in attendance based on his starring role as a Frog Brother in The Lost Boys though.

So obviously we bought tickets and I’m going to get him to Sharpie “No Tanlines – nice!” on my buttcheeks. He looks like the kind of dude who would be up for that.

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So it looks like we will be part of the obsessive nutters and will doubtless blend in seamlessly. I can wear my Frog Brothers hooded top and get him to sign that too.

Corey mate, if you’re reading this – you have been warned. We’re coming for you neighbour.

Ciao Ciao Xx

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*not a northern euphemism for some kind of sexual back door situation, just to clarify.

Say hello to the night…

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…lost in the shadows

Song Lyric of the Day:  “Last fire will rise, behind those eyes” – Cry Little Sister, L.A. Guns

Movie Quote of the Day: “Are you freebasing? Enquiring minds want to know” – The Lost Boys


Despite still feeling as though I am only running on 20% power, I went out last night with a friend to The Lost Boys Experience at Kirkstall Abbey. I was dressed as Edgar Frog, as I’d poo-pooed Bman’s suggestion that I go as the shirtless, oiled-up sax player from the Boardwalk.

 

There were many 80s coiffured vampire looking types. There were people there who were clearly not old enough to remember this movie from 30 years ago. There were noodles (briefly) and blood themed cocktails. 

   We mocked the massive queue for mulled cider in the Kloisters, before realizing it was actually the line to take our seats for the screening. Got on the end and eventually found our seats & arranged our rugs & muffs (easy now!)  We had to move a few times, thanks to sodding Blair Witch and her mate with a massive furry collar parked right in front of us.

We pick & lifted our rugs, muffs, bags etc and shuffled further up the row but then bugger me, if Where’s Wally & her mate didn’t do the same. Cue some further comedy shuffling whilst simultaneously cursing & giggling.  We found somewhere with a less restricted view and then blow me if The Attack of the 50ft Woman didn’t come & sat right in front of us aswell!

FFS!

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We had a group sing along to ‘Cry Little Sister’ and then the movie began. We quoted along and geezer behind us kept guffawing loudly at random bits of the film that weren’t funny, but that made us giggle even more.

Once it was over, with the classic line of; “There’s one thing about Santa Carla that I never could stand….all the damn vampires!” It was time for fairground games and an 80s themed disco.   It’s been a long time since I had a boogie to anything by The Smiths or Erasure.  Not sure what the monks of Kirkstall Abbey would’ve made of it all but we thought it was great.

We also discovered that we kicked ass at Bog Roll Basketball & that in the event of seeing a Killer Clown, my initial reaction was to get a photo with it.  A bit like that time my sister & I saw a zombie invasion on Oxford Road in Manchester and we ran toward it, whooping!

Today is Halloween. Literally my favourite time of year.  For the first time in years though, I just can’t be arsed. Think because it’s a Monday and we haven’t had a party this year. My girls are out trick or treating, with instructions to ring if the Mama Mafia is required to come out & kick anybody’s butt!  Bman is at work til 11pm & I am slugging out on the sofa in my skeleton onesie (which I wear year-round anyway) & ignoring the door. I have no desire for a whole new generation of local children to know where I live.  I just want one more day before school starts again where I don’t have to fake a smile and be all professional – especially not in my pyjamas on my own doorstep.