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Friday fright night

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Most off-putting thing of the week has to be, mistakenly booking a captioned performance of the The Woman in Black.

Fab seats (Well done me – You’re welcome) but having flourescent orange words appear, stage left and right for the hearing impaired, somewhat took the edge off if I’m honest.

Whilst I appreciate that our hard of hearing friends should also be able to be included in the magic of theatre.  Next time I will pay more attention to these things and not book for a night when the captions are on. 

The suspense of a  pitch black stage, lit only be a hand-held candle, illuminating a solitary locked door, as the protagonist creeps stealthily toward it, was rather spoiled for me by the sudden bright orange lettering spelling out:


      milliseconds before the actual loud knocking began.

As my slightly Aspergic friend remarked rather loudly in the bar during the interval:-

“Fecking Deafies should stay at home… and the *elves”

to which I Shhh’d her to avoid being embarrassed in the crowd –

“No need to Shhh me babe. They can’t fucking hear me can they?”

It was a fair, albeit unsympathetic, point.


Despite that, this was the 3rd time I have seen this show and I loved it again.  It is very well done with only 2 actors on the stage. If only for the audience reactions and on this occasion for my other friend asking in hushed tone. “When do they start singing?”




* said friend had earlier misread the sign which read “captioning gives deaf, partially deaf and hard of hearing people the chance to enjoy the performance” as “Captioning elves…..”

Specsavers anyone?

Elves... with a caption

Elves… with a caption

2012. A mostly pictorial review of when the World didn’t end

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For my DHW retrospective of 2012 I shall attempt to not use any profanity.


2012 may well have stood out as the year of sporting prowess and nationalistic fervour, overuse of the words ‘Olympic’ and ‘Jubilee’ and the playing of the theme tune to ‘Chariots of Fire’ and of Bruce Forsyth not dying, but I will remember it for other reasons:-

I survived another Y6 residential; taught another successful end of year dance number; met up with old friends long missed; danced to Inner City, ‘Pennies from Heaven’ in my wellies; cycled my mobile back to life; finally saw DJ Yoda; visited a nudist spa (it wasn’t for me…) and despite feeling thoroughly & inexplicably miserable a lot of the time, I have also laughed so hard I almost peed – and I have my friends to thank for that because again, inexplicably… I do have some.  Bless them & love them every one of them! Xx


 My favourite phrase of 2012 came at the end of the year from my eldest..

“I’m not beefing Mum.  I’m whining!”



However for me, without question, the highlight of 2012 was the (eventual) safe arrival of my first niece in April…

Becoming an Aunt

Becoming an Aunt = awesome!

All the joy of being a part of a new life, with a slightly lower chance of screwing this one up because she doesn’t live with me 24/7.


The force is strong with this one…

Maybe in 2012 I can introduce her to nights under canvas, waterproof trou and eating lukewarm noodles from a mess tin on one of my; “When can we go on a proper holiday mum?”  festival gigs.

Last year I managed to get to  3:-

Lounging - magic!

Lounging at Magic

An arresting sight

An arresting sight

Mum's brought us to live in another bloody field!

We’re living in yet another bloody field!

Assume the cooking position

Assume the cooking position

One of them, even childerbeast-free!

Look at me. High up & child free!

Look at me. High up & child free!

Unlikely to manage more than one this year as I can only afford one, so will have to choose wisely (having blown my chances of crewing again for the Angel Gardens by being a massive dingus!) 


Non-festival related nights out in 2012 were very few and far between:-  Miss Sunshine’s birthday in January, Bman’s birthday in February, an 80’s themed leaving bash and the odd village pub visit in Chester – making drunken accusations against TV personalities (several of which have turned out to be purportedly  true) and of baffling the Landlord by deliberately requesting drinks from the 1970’s. 

#cinzano #dubonet #snowball #maraschinocherry


To top them all off… Only last week, the piece de resistance of “Not Quite Boxing Day” when I was lured into going out in the Boro to see a ‘Thin Lizzy’ tribute act.

Not a big fan of the old Lynott, I’ll be honest, although I could pick out a couple of their best known songs if pushed.  I do know though that this is nothing remotely like a Thin Lizzy tribute act:- 

... the hell?

… the hell?

Unless Phil Lynot has gone all “Bay City Roller” that, my friend, smacks of the old Noddy & Dave to me.   Cup a soup anyone?

(Still, it gave me a chance to show off my new faux fur giraffe print jacket).

Mekon, her mum & I, clearly being the only element of glamour in the place, but not enough for any of the leering auld coots hunched around their pale ales to actually get up off their freshly ironed cords and offer to buy us a drink.  Shame on you, aging rockers of Scarborough.

To get to this pinnacle of festive entertainment, which had cost us £4 a piece to get in,  we had to sit through the bar owner’s brother’s band –  The Warriors (who incidentally bore no resemblance in any way to the movie of the same name).

They WISHED they looked like this

They WISHED they looked like this

…and only.  Only. In the Boro, could this song, be requested from the DJ and it immediately fill a previously empty dance floor:-

Keep smiling.. at least we're out-out!

Keep smiling.. at least we’re out-out!

I hold higher hopes for better things this year because in all honesty, 2012 was pretty much a wash-out in more ways than one. 


We’ve already booked for the Harry Potter Studio Tour in February, where I have every intention of embarrassing the childerbeast by having my picture taken in full Quidditch garb, astride a Nimbus 2000 grinning like a loon. 

We have a holiday to France booked for July with the Anson Fam. I have tickets for ‘Cats’ and ‘The Woman in Black’ and I have every intention of dragging my sorry ass down to Northants to make DTR wish he’d never invited us down… be prepared my old friend… be prepared!

I see from Slydealive’s website that they are booked twice to play in Chester this year.  I can see at least one other night out brewing…


I leave you with some of my favourite snapshots from the year, which I shall leave uncaptioned for added randomness.

2012-12-27 22.01.44


 026  098 133051

 148 152 017


022  061 154





017 018


022 021


 102    081


Group hug2

IMG_0286 076  


    And don’t forget… there are always pies….


Ciao for now everybody peeps.  Thanks for sticking with me…  XXx



Hammer House of Hockey

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Not sure that watching “Whitechapel” – an episode about a killer who hides inside your crawl spaces, wardrobes, under the stairs or behind the fireplace before coming out after dark and bludgeoning the family to death was the wisest choice of televisual entertainment before I went to bed alone last night.

I contemplated boarding up the fireplace before I turned in and must confess to checking inside the wardrobes, although to be fair, anyone’d be lucky to get in there among the junk.   Also we have possibly the creakiest floorboards ever – you could hear a house spider ascending our stairs!

Suffice to say though I have now got impressive hockey stick handle impression in palm of my hand from all night grippage.

 Nothing like a bit of a scare to add some thrill to your life though eh?  Am looking forward immensely to watching the movie version of “The Woman in Black next week.    A friend has blagged 4 of us a freebie in an empty theatre!  Chilling times indeed – I’ll take an aisle seat please & I’ll be checking behind me every few minutes!