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Michael Meyers is a tit man

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Gave blood for first time last week.   Got told off by a Susan Boyle lookalike nurse for not disclosing that I’d had a paracetamol at the weekend.  She made me feel like some kind of lying, drug-addled deviant.  Other than that it went ok. I didn’t pass out or anything & show myself up.

We also went to Manchester to spend the evening at my sister’s.   City centre was busy. Slightly disturbed at mini tent city outside Boots on Market Street, complete with teens partaking of a bottle bong in broad daylight & nobody seemed to bat an eyelid!  It’s a city centre shopping area dudes.  Not a bloody festival!

Had a lovely birthday lunch at my sister’s for Mum on Thursday.   Fab to see everyone, especially my noisy little niecelings.

Had pals round on Saturday for my favourite time of year – Halloween. I went down the Dia de los Meurtos route again costume-wise.  Sugar skull glamour.  Anything to try to camouflage myself from hoardes of trick or treaters saying “Hiya Miss” (& knowing where I live!) 

Pity that didn’t work. 

They all knew who I was straight away! Even the ones who don’t already know where I live.  Will have to try harder next year. 

Bman looked pretty scary as Michael Myers.  I volunteered to dangle a coat hanger from his eye socket for maximum effect but he said it was ok.  He even had some horrid dismembered arm thing going on as a nod to his love of all things zombie.  I think between him and Stef dressed as Undead Santa, they managed to traumatize many of the younglings of the neighbourhood.

Job done.

🙂

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Back to work today, where I aim to make like my blood group and B-positive.

😀

Nothing to wear!

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It’s already October 19th and I fear I have left it too late to do a decent Halloween costume for this year.

The Autumn/Twig fairy get-up at the school disco was for the benefit of the children (cross curricular dontchya know).  
     So after a lackadaisical approach to my usual favourite season now think I have bodged it and will just have to don the old pointy hat and trek the streets as a dull old witch.

I appreciate I am almost 42 years old and should have grown out this shit a long time ago but I doubt I ever will and am frankly not ashamed to admit it.  I’ll be dressing up long after the childerbeast have sacked it all off.

I’ve done, witches aplenty, half-dead cheerleaders, murdered prom queens, Elvira mistress of the dark, Cruella De Ville (complete with childerbeast dressed as dalmations), 1980’s zombie hockey players and Dia de los Meurtos sugar skulls. 

What to do next? 
    I am full of ideas but feel it’s too late now to cobble something together or make it myself.  I’m too fat to carry off a decent Corpse Bride or Morticia Addams and most of the women’s costumes online are too indecent to be seen out in the street in after dark surrounded by children I teach during the day!

 

I’m thinking:-

Tippi Hedren in The Birds (charity shop suit + plastic crows stitched to body)

birds

I’m thinking:- Post explosion Ray Peterson from the Burbs, or… Edgar Frog from Lost Boys;  but both of these involve ‘manning up’ which isn’t my style (& also rely heavily on people knowing who I am and most people who would know, won’t be anywhere near me on Halloween, which somewhat defeats the object).

Burbs

lost boys

 

I also thought of crazy Clare Devine of Hollyoaks, complete with red stilettos and head on back to front from being knocked down by bonkers Dr Browning but this again has a bit of a niche audience.

Claire_Devine

I’ve also considered some kind of post-zombie apocalypse Rita Fairclough (big red coiffure, Wetherfield Gazette under one arm, full-on undead make-up)

Hya Chuck

Hya Chuck

HELP!  Any ideas gratefully received.

Sweety treats & doylems on my doorstep

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Halloween!

…  the time of year where the veil between the land of the living and the land of teenage fucktards in hoodies & wellies is at it’s thinnest.

When doylems stalk the streets who think that I’m dumb enough to fall for them grabbing a handful of my Haribo then jumping the wall into my neighbours yard; doing the same to them – then coming back up my drive for seconds….

                ….without so much as a thank you, or a kiss my arse nor buggery.

Wezzies!

I don’t mind the littlies (if they say thankyou and bother to dress up).  It’s always fun seeing the kids who I work with, when they realise it’s me in fancy dress answering the door. (With the drawback that now they know where I live and I get the fear that I may end up with a burning wheelie bin shoved up against my front door in the future).

Next year any kid who doesn’t say thank you gets pushed down the feckin’ steps though. 

Scratty scrote teenagers needn’t be trying to flatter me either with their; “Ooh you look great tonight if I say so Mrs”.    Whatever!  Take a sweetie numbnuts and get the fuck off my steps!”

The joke was on them anyway.  By the time the teenagers remembered it was Halloween and drunk enough Frosty Jack to think that Trick or Treating was cool again, I’d run out of decent bullets and had resorted to getting rid of the Absinthe sweets and Vimto Skidaddles (remember those Gene Genie?) which have been kicking around my kitchen since July.

Before anyone reports me for giving out sweets laced with booze.  They were only Absinthe ‘flavoured’ and to be fair, it could have been worse.  Check out the treat these kids from Greater Manchester got when they went out last night.      trick-or-treat-kids-given-cocaine

Next year I’m going out Trick or Treating in Oldham!