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“Is that all she’s getting?”

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So let’s discuss the Louis Theroux show ‘Altered States’ from last night’s TV.  


Polygamous relationships?  Yay or Nay? (In or Out!) Seems a tad unfair when some people can’t even get one partner never mind a queue of them.

The idea has its pros and cons for me, obviously dependent on who the protagonists were – Ready Player 1? Let’s go.  Tom Hardy?  Channing Tatum? Theo James? Come on down!

Rita Sue and Bob though? I’m oot! 


….We’re having a ball

Someone else around the house so I would have to do even less housework than I already do, does have its merits. Double the income. I’d have no more money worries. But what if both blokes snored? One either side of you putting murderous thoughts into your head at 4am when you can no longer stand the sound. Suddenly it’s not such a grand idea, although if one of them was Theo, Channing or Tom, I’m sure you’d cut them some slack for a bit of snoring.

If it was Bman with extra ‘wives’ however, that would also be dependent on who they were? Would I be allowed to pick for him?  Kylie? Yolandi Visser? Billie Piper? Jennifer Aniston (Just threw those names out there, I have not given this any thought at all…)  What if they snored too?

I’m IN!

We met one ‘throuple’ on the show (all IT geeks – just saying) who all spooned together at night with their own little blankets. Beardyman, who fessed up to not being able to ‘last as long’ as Bob was the owner of a dinosaur blankie – go figure.  Beardyman often waits downstairs for Bob ‘to finish’ with his missus. This can take some time apparently (not always a good thing ladies – am I right?)  How depressing is that for poor Beardyman?
Bob did not look like the kind of guy where that would have been your first thought about him… It goes to show that you can’t judge a book by its cover.  Bob also looked about 17 and smug as fuck.


I thought I were great…


TBH I am not sure that some of the people involved in this documentary were as on board with the situation as they were making out – when they assured Louis how ‘fine’ they were with it – the eyes said otherwise. 


This is Jerry.  Jerry is not really OK


The Jerry/Joe/Heidi arrangement was clearly even odder than the fact that they had all their clothes on racks and rails all over the house like some kind of jumble sale.  Get a wardrobe FFS never mind a 4K TV (I don’t even know what that is).


What did I say Jerry? / You said we could have a 3way with Joe/ I DID NOT say that Jerry!

Jerry was so up for a threeway with Joe. (Jerry wanted IN on Joe for shizzle!) but greedy Heidi was having none of it, despite Louis best efforts at trying to set that up.

Louis’ foray into the world of the ‘sensual dinner’ wasn’t quite as promising for me as the idea of a spare man around the house.
9 & half weeks with Mickey ‘melt face’ Rourke and Kim Bassinger it was not!  It was just a roomful of oversexed hippies in kimonos rubbing brie into each other’s faces and groaning in ecstasy because there was a flaming hot Monster Munch circling their ringpiece. (I may have made that last part up).


Do not spill that on the duvet Roy!

I was put more in mind of Bruce Bogtrotter from Matilda or Ron Weasley in Harry Potter.

Strawberries, chocolate and all that, is all very well in the privacy of your own home but not in a lounge full of sweaty free-lovers spooning hummus into one another.


The Twittersphere, of course, went into overdrive about it all.  I can’t wait to see what the man investigates next Sunday.


Run. (Tweet). Hide (Livestream). Tell (Everyone)

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This weekend I both loved and loathed the Internet and social media in equal measure. 

It started on Friday evening when the Twittersphere exploded with news of some kind of terrorist incident in Oxford Circus in London.

Sky News and BBC got in on the story.  The story was vague.  Something about gunshots and Black Friday shoppers running for cover.

At the root of it the Daily Mail Online tweeted this:

It was very much a case of “Shit, not this again! WTF?” But details were scant.

Then this happened:

Olly Murs y’all!  The hell?

Seemingly Russell Brand was also holed up in the vestibule of a TSB bank live streaming as he hid with other Londoners.

Shit just got weird.

Then. Piers Morgan joined in.

Piers Morgan y’all!  The man who allegedly allowed the hacking of  a dead girl’s mobile phone.


The many comments which followed made for a very entertaining read.  General consensus was for Olly to ignore Piers because he is a bellend.  I’m paraphrasing but you get the idea.

And, of course, the inevitable pisstaking.

So as relieved as I was that this incident turned out to be nothing. It fascinated me that it became anything at all – merely due to social media.
Something minor happens.  People think they heard gunshots.  They ran. They hid. They told. (Just like it says on the government propaganda about what to do in a terror related situation).
‘Celebrities’ were caught up in it.  They tweeted.  I’m sure they weren’t the only ones, but because they aren’t famous, the media and other ‘celebrities’ aren’t slagging them off.  The followers retweeted.  The Daily Mail Online deleted their tweet when it transpired it was
weeks old. 
Throw into the mix some Islamaphobic scaremongering when the co-founder of the EDL chose to tweet (also now deleted) and it all went a bit nuts.  Injured shoppers, traumatised children hiding behind a bin out back of Starbucks and Pret a Manger with their mothers! Just because, two dudes had a bit of a tiff at Oxford Circus tube station or something.


Good job I wasn’t there. I’d have had no clue.  My data is never on.  But, as humans we see a crowd moving in a certain direction and we do tend to follow, sheeplike.

Meanwhile 300 people including children, get blown up and or shot while at prayer in a remote Egyptian province and it barely gets a mention.  Why?  Nobody knows. I bet the people who did it don’t even really know.

We are nothing if not a fascinating, cruel and stupid race. 

Ciao Tutti Xx


Run Forrest Run

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run sweety

Happy Birthday to her Majesty today. 

I wonder if she was watching the Marathon from her bedroom window, in a corgi patterned onesie, smoking a fag with a large gin in hand?

Nice thought.


Gin o Clock?

Gin o Clock?

Three ladies I know, are running in London today!   Crazy bitches! 

Fair play to them though.

This year I beat my own personal best and managed to watch it for a full 5 hours straight before I was forced to switch off so the childerbeast could get their daily fix of the Xbox.

I wasn’t just laid there on the couch eating cake and loafing for the duration (ok,  for some of it I was eating cake – I won’t lie to you.)  I ironed aswell though, (& No Bman I was not eating cake whilst ironing).  I even jogged along on the old Lateral Thigh Trainer (yes, it’s that time of year to drag that badboy out of the shed again).  I also cannot tell a lie… I did not jog along for very long.  It’s been a while!

I showed support by tweeting in and texting the BBC.  Disappointing then that despite seeing the same tweet about “Mum get the tea on, I’m almost finished” at least 5 times and a text ironically celebrating someone running in aid of Alzheimer’s at least 6 times (they maybe forget they’d already sent it).  My messages of support were not scrolled along the foot of the screen while Colin Jackson interviewed people in various fancy dress costumes.  Gutted!
Do people hire the costumes or buy them do you think?  Surely if they’re hired they must have to pay some kind of heavy-duty dry cleaning waiver.  On a day like today they’ll be sweating like a paedophile at a Wacky Warehouse.  Christ! I had a sweat-on just watching the animated route being mapped out before it even started!

It was very inspiring as ever though, particularly the capacity crowd that turned out to watch.  A massive Screw You to the Boston marathon bombers and their ilk.  I am sure it was a great help for everyone running to have that much support. 

I can’t say that it inspired me that much that I’d like to take part.  Not unless I could scare up a team to do it 1960’s/70’s style with the old Bed Push.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I mourn the demise of the charity bed push.  Bring it back I say!

As long as I was the one being pushed atop the bed of course.



Pic from google image

Not long to go before I stop including the word ‘Jubilee’ into other words – hang on in there!

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Movie Quote of the Day:  “Give me an occupation or I shall go mad” – Sense & Sensibility

Wouldn’t you know that today it hasn’t rained once.  Not a drop.  Sun has been out most of the day, if a tad breezy.  Should have had my Jubilympics today instead of yesterday!  Typical!

At least it will be dry when I light my Jubileacon bonfire beacon in the garden later. (For beacon read, camping firebowl and a citronella candle)

On a non jubilizzledizzle related topic. Having become far to sedentary for my own good lately (read: fat) and it being the half term I thought I’d stick in a bid on these bad boys on dirty old ebay. 

Oh Yeah!

Exercise and entertainment for self and the neighbours – what could go wrong?

Can’t think why the childerbeast have protested so vehemently against the idea.  Personally I think it would put a whole new (literal)  spin on my playground duty at work. 

To be fair, as far as embarassment factor goes, it will take a pair of 80’s rollerboots to compete with the (I shit you not) ‘wet look’ black windcheater I noticed Bman bidding on the other dayI pray he didn’t win it!

Have been laughing at the Queen’s tweets today on this:!/Queen_UK

Brill!  Loving the one which read: “JLS? Really? JLsoddingS? What part of “Iron Maiden” wasn’t clear?”

FYI I will be watching the Gary Barlow suckuptotheQueen fest this evening and drinking G&T throughout!