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Tag Archives: Whitby

That was the week that was (shit)

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First week back into the realm of the working man has been…well… shit, to put it mildly!  It was ugly and unpleasant and I don’t want to go there ever again.

With the help of our friend Gil Elvgren let us focus solely on fluffy kittens and cute puppies instead and forget it ever happened.




Favourite news stories from this week include these 3:-

Loo with a View  and I thought the view across Liverpool from the bathroom window of the Adelphi Hotel was rather pleasant as I took a shit one Sunday morning one June… but this view just about trumps it (as it were).


What can I say? Apart from how the hell is this dude an MP? He looks about 18!


Dem bones dem bones

As if Whitby doesn’t attract enough goths, faux vampires & emos at the best of times without the possibility of a photo opp with exposed human skeletons!

Watch out for those bones in your Fortunes Kippers aswell, they may be on the large side this year –  “Hello! isn’t this a femur?”


FYI on a school trip when I was about 6 years old we had our lunch in this very graveyard.  My mum had bought me a cream donut especially and when I came to eat it out of my ‘Holly Hobbie’ lunchbox (with roughneck flask), it was nowhere to be seen.  I searched all around, convinced it had been stolen, until a classmate pointed out, gleefully, that it was squashed flat and stuck to the seat of my cords! 

 You heard me…. cords!  (Don’t judge me!  I was a child in 1977!)


Ciao for now dudes  Xx

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Don’t let my kids ever tell you I never do anything with them

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It is September 1st, there are 115 days until the C word and I go back to work the day after tomorrow, after 6 weeks off – and what a 6 weeks! 

I’ve been to Farndale & Saltburn; worked 2 festivals and attended another as a punter.  I’ve been to Scarborough, Whitby & swimming a fair few times.  Visited Manchester & Chester; I’ve sat in the belly of a metal whale; masqueraded as the Red Queen; soaked in a hot tub on a riverbank; climbed a giant dog turd in Stretford & danced atop a pile of haybales in a field in Northamptonshire.  I’ve met new friends; caught up with long lost old friends after far too long.  I’ve re-lived my lost youth and felt fantastic.  On occasion I have also felt about 89 years old!   I’ve discovered new music and heard some amazing live acts & bands.  I’ve laughed until I ached. I’ve cried buckets & felt  like I was at the bottom of the deepest darkest pit of shite, unable to climb back out (but I did).   I’ve danced in the mud; I’ve chatted freely to semi-naked people covered in glitter; I’ve swirled around in other people’s detritus in the name of research & entered the 21st century with a touch-screen phone with Internet access (it’s the devils own handiwork I tell you – Witchcraft! Witchcraft!).   I’ve been to the movies 3 times and I’ve loafed on the sofa for a whole day watching ‘Murder She Wrote”.   The excitement has been non-stop.

Well now it’s time to get back into work mode and pretend to be an intelligent, highly organised, calm and sensible grown-up again ready to impart knowledge and wisdom on a future generation of young adults.

I’ll let you know how that pans out…


In other news: Blunkett refused seat at Paralympics  Rather mahoosive social faux-pas.  Glad it’s not just me who fucks up on a grand scale then.


Also in home news, Bman tells me that at his work they are to be issued with new name badges which needn’t have their real names on.  They can choose an alternative name, which has to be agreed with the powers that be.  Oh the possibilities…

Apparently the usual suspects e.g. Phil McAvity and Phil McCreviss, have already been submitted (and rejected) but the potential for comedy is fabulous and too good an opportunity to miss.  All last night I was randomly interrupting conversation and TV viewing with things like;- “How about Lou Stools? or I.C. Uratwat”. 

Any suggestions worthy of mention, do feel free to leave a comment.  We have also been considering movie characters or musicians who aren’t too obvious.  We both liked Snake Plissken and Lux Interior but are doubtful they will pass the test.

In the meantime (while you think of names like ‘Mike Hunt’ and ‘Drew Peacock’) here are a few of my favourite pics of what I did on my holidays:-


Next thing to plan for: – HLTA course starting in October (work work work and how the Feck do I get across to the Harrogate Road side of Leeds by 0915) and hopefully our annual Halloween shizzle – this year am hoping for a Dia de los Meurtos theme to tie in with the date.  Sugar skull times!

Later dudes!  Xx

Back from the Boro & feeling fine

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Oh I do like to be beside the seaside, oh I do like to be beside the sea.

Back on full power after dipping my toes in the north bay of the homeland.  Not much live wildlife to be seen in the rockpools, but The Bear did find a Peugeot key ring – no car to go with it though.  Childerbeast also had a good lesson in tidal education when they almost got cut off because they weren’t listening to me.  Eventually coaxed them back to safety, despite their insistence that they check out some other rocks.  I asked them to count while they looked at the sand island they had just been on –  20 seconds later, it was gone and I got to say See!

Watch out for that incoming tide kids

Occasionally… mum knows best.

Didn’t venture into town at all this visit.  In all honesty, the calibre of grockle I witnessed, excessively drinking at 1030 on the train on the way there, put me off going anywhere near any touristy areas.  Incidentally, most of them boarded the train at Leeds!  Usually I’m more than happy to slate the Wezzies, but I’m afraid they might set Nicola Adams on me, and I need way more time on my shed punchbag before I’d be happy to take her on!

Spent Wednesday in Whitby introducing the MiL and childerbeast to the brilliance of Whitby Museum.  You may remember I raved about this place after our 2011 Residential visit.  I was keen to share the joy and have another look around.  Frankly, anywhere you can see a stuffed crocodile in a patriotic waistcoat holding a Union Jack flag is worth the £4 door tax any day.  Well worth a visit just for the fantastic Fossil collection, even some from the (you couldn’t make it up) Kirkdale Caves excavation, when a veritable Noah’s Ark of animal bones was discovered in a cave near Helmsley!

This time around I got to see so much more and the staff were fabulous.  Notable in their absence last time we went (doubtless barricaded in the staff room hiding from us and our hoard of 2-dozen 11 year olds!)  This time, they couldn’t have been more helpful and friendly.  Even the big cheese was brought out of his office to chat to us after the MiL commented that the museum was not as well advertised as it should be.  

I stuck my two-penneth in about the glaring omissions from the gift store – namely; miniature Tempest Prognosticator key rings; replica but working Truant’s clog and a Hand of Glory backscratcher/ashtray/tealight holder/earrings etc. 

In fairness, he didn’t flinch and even agreed and said he’d already suggested Hand of Glory gingerbread biscuits in the Tea Rooms downstairs, but they weren’t going for it.  I’d totally buy one of them (& I don’t even like gingerbread!)

In the end I had to settle for a Hand of Glory fridge magnet.

Every fridge should have one!

As that old saying goes about learning something new every day, I discovered during conversation with the MiL (as we looked at the stuffed seabird collection) that as a 12 year old she’d belonged to a Taxidermy Club.

Hold the fecking phone! 

A Taxidermy Club?  Apparently they frequented Bempton Cliffs looking for dead birds then took them back to Woodend Museum in Scarborough and stuffed & mounted them in various poses and tableau.  Now THAT is the kind of distraction for the young that you just don’t see enough of these days.    If there were more clubs like that on offer it would surely divert the bored and restless youth of today away from thoughts of wanton crime and mindless rioting during the summer holidays.  The possibilities for modern roadkill are endless.  Stuff ’em, mount ’em and get ’em dressed up:   Badger Boris Johnson (complete with harness & zipwire); Weasel Rooney with a harem of sluttishly-attired weasel hookers; Urban Fox Beyoncé;  Squirrel Nick Clegg… I could go on…   Bloody brilliant!

My distraction for the day after watching the diving this morning and the finals tonight will mostly consist of curtain tweaking as my new neighbours move in across the road.  All new fat Baldy and his big-bootied wife.  They have two young men with them (“Ooooh young man!”) and I am trying to discreetly tell if they are (a) also moving in  and (b) if they are fit or just portraying the illusion of being so.  They look quite chavvy but Hell, I’m in Tyersal here, not the Hollywood Hills and to be fair, I am also wearing shorts and a sparkly parrot T shirt.  Chavtastic! 

Perhaps I need to go out and put something in the bin or tickle about in the front garden for a more optimum vantage point  (or perhaps I should just get a life!)


Ciao darlings Xx

I believe that this may all actually be a big fat lie

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I’m fully aware that in advertising, marketing companies like to big-up their product and do the hard sell, but is it just me that finds the following TV ad a tad too much to bear?

Long term readers may remember my many past posts regaling the life and high times of my journey into Leeds on the 508 (the number of the beast).   And I have to say that even through rose-tinted retrospect(acles) I have no memory of my commute being anything like this.

All aboard the Skylark!

My fellow passengers and I joining hands to skip gaily down The Headrow to hop aboard the already packed; dirt blackened windowed; piss stinking, miserable driver operated,  Halifax bus.

Like the mascara & moisturising cream adverts, I think there should be some kind of disclaimer at the foot of the ad.

E.G. “The occupants of these buses have been digitally enhanced in post-production

Or  “The passengers on this bus have been chemically enhanced with Methamphetemine and White Lightening”

Oy! First Bus – you’re fooling nobody!


Am off to Whitby for the weekend tomorrow with pals. and NO! IT BLOODY WELL ISN’T THE GOTH WEEKEND!

PS: and No!  I am not going on the bus…