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Happy Halloween Mothercluckas

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Halloween is like my Christmas and it’s all over for another year already.

😦

Had an enjoyable day as it is half-term – off work, Childerbeast off school. They helped me make a doughnut-shaped cake and pumpkin soup.  My chocolate ribcage turned out better than expected and I finally got to dress as Melanie Daniels from Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’.  This caused no end of confusion to the local children who had no idea who I was meant to be or why I had stuffed crows on my head when I answered the door. To be honest I doubt the local adults knew either.

 

Youngest offspring had her pals round and fair play to them for coming up with the triple costume idea of dressing as ‘Heathers’.

 

 

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We watched the weirdest film in a long time – ‘Midsommar‘ by the same dude who made ‘Hereditary’.  It made ‘The Wicker Man‘ seem like a lovely feelgood movie about rural life.

Very strange film.

Yesterday I took the childerbeast to Kirkstall Abbey for at atmospheric evening screening in the dark and the fog of ‘Hocus Pocus’. Sanderson Sisters tribute act did a bit of audience participation stuff and it was quite cool (chilly in fact) watching it on a big screen while actual bats fluttered around infront of the screen.

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Bman and I (inbetween bickering about nothing and making one another feel bad) did have a strange bedtime conversation on Halloween as we watched a thing on Talking Pictures channel called ‘The Legend of the Witch’. It was a 1970s documentary about the origins of witches and the modern-day witch (as it would have been in the late 1960s). It was essentially a lot of titular bullcrap about people getting naked and dancing about,  literally kissing one another’s bottoms, killing chickens and worshipping Lucifer.
This led Bman to suggest an idea for a Channel 5 reality show where celebrity has-beens compete in acts of paganism and witchcraft.  Sacrificing for survival alongside the likes of Chris Akabussi,  David Van Day and Cheryl Baker et al, all taking part in naked rituals or satanic rites. Compered by someone like Christine Hamilton or that woman vicar who used to be on Gogglebox.  Claudia Winkleman could do the spin-off show on FiveStar.

It’s only a matter of time before that shit actually happens.

It’s November MoFos.  Do not mention the C word (no, not THAT one. I like that one. The other one!)

Xx

 

Sunday at Casa Brew

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While I was having a lazy Sunday watching ‘Beauty and the Beast’  –  this is me, explaining to Bman right at the end of the movie, where all the people suddenly appeared from in the castle.

Me: They were all the staff at the castle, cursed and turned into household objects.

Him: Why?

Me: The beast, when he was a prince wasn’t very nice to a passing witch or something and she turned him into a beast along with the staff into objects.

Him:  Why? It wasn’t their fault that that he was an arse

Me: Don’t get at me about it. I didn’t write the story

Him: So who is this guy?

Me: He was the clock

Him:  This fella?

Me: The candlestick

Him:  Wait! Where did that little kid come from?

Me:  * sigh* he was the chipped cup

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For foooks saaaake!

We have also had conversations this week about Simon Mayo being in the ‘Fast Show’ (he meant Simon Day) and how he should be the new presenter of a revamped ‘Runaround’ for 2020, what with Mike Reid being dead now and all.

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…and my particular favourite:-

Him:  So the Wicker Man is on next week

Me:  Which version?

Him: Well it’s not the one with Sylvester Stallone in it.

Me: What?

Him: Sylvester Stallone.

Me You mean Nicholas Cage

Him: Do I?  Ah yes. well not that one

Me: So the original one

Him: Aye, the one with Rustie Lee in it.

Me:  (choking slightly on my drink) FFS Brew, you mean Christopher Lee.

Him: (laughs) Oh yeah.

Me:  Give me strength. Rustie fucking Lee? What when she made a jambalaya for the people of Summerisle?  Fooks saaake!

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I forgot to mention on my last post – when I googled memes about Bradford, I found this one.  Made me chuckle, And those in the know will know and they will laugh too. “erm, no I don’t think so”

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Hope you have a great week next week MoFos – and to all the witches, pagans and wiccans out there, hope you’ve had a productive Mabon this weekend.

Ciao Ciao Xx

 

Sacrificial effigies, twatbadgers & old ravers never die

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So this week I have mostly got very cross at people who are in such a hurry that they cannot stop to check on the welfare of the child they just clipped with their car at a pedestrian crossing.  #twatbadgers .
               And I almost acquired a 12ft wickerman for the garden, or my dad’s.

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It could still happen. I’ve not given up hope yet.

Does anyone have £500 they don’t need? Or perhaps I could do one of those gofundme deals online like when uninsured backpackers need cash for medical bills when they fall off cliffs & such whilst on holiday.

I mean who wouldn’t want one of these bad boys? 

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My neighbour and I are getting into a bit of a fairy light/solar light war.  This Motherclucka has got to out-trump her latest flashing stringlight combo for sure.  Unfortunately Bman has vetoed the idea, which I am pretty sure is grounds for divorce.  Irreconcilable wicker differences.

I may have to build my own out of lolly sticks or something.  Best get chowing down those mini milks in the freezer kids!

Bman slipped into some kind of 90s timewarp last night and went to a stag do at a Warehouse party in a bed factory! Joe Bloggs jeans. Hypercolour T shirt. The lot!  (Actually I made up the part about the jeans & the hypercolour).  Anyway, he came home this lunchtime with an injured finger and  a set of tyre marks across his Tshirt!
You couldn’t make it up.
It looked as if he had been ridden over by parrots on bikes
(WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME) or midgets on tiny motorbikes.  The marks seem to have come out in the wash, but honestly!  I long ago gave up questioning anything that goes on when he gets together with his mates.

I think he should buy me a 12ft wickerman for being such an awesome wife for not giving him shit about going out and doing stupid things.

Ciao Xx